7人搞笑英语版话剧剧本-三顾茅庐

　　Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's  thatched cottage three times  and  wanted to invite him to be his military adviser¹. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity², helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. He devoted³ his whole life to the cause and died in harness.

　　Our script is revised from this story and writed by my classmates of group FRIENDS. In this play, we add many modern and funny elements. For example, there are some  spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名无间道), My Own Swordsman（中文名武林外传）,The Flirting⁴ Scholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香） were combined in our play. Also, we added some interesting pictures and audio to our slide.

　　Maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue. But this play is the result of painstaking⁵ efforts of our group. So we present our script to you and wish you will like it.

　　Three visits to the cottage

　　Aside: After their swearing brotherhood⁶ to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors⁷ in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary⁸ and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.

　　SCENE 1: Liubei's home

　　Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei

　　Guanyu:  Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic⁹ life end? It's so terrible!

　　Liubei:   Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. It's very hard to get work now. No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?

　　Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.

　　Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or we'll be as poor as church mouse.

　　Liubei: Alas¹⁰! How did I forget this? Let's go! Go~~ go~! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!

　　Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.

　　SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s house

　　Actors:   ZhuGeliang Wife

　　ZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. But I feel so morose¹¹ recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. What’s CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience) I’ve never heart about that. And she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. It’s ridiculous. My major is military advice, not English. Why should I read this?

　　Wife: Darling!

　　ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded that I can never bear her.

　　Wife：My dear, how about your study?

　　ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze¹². I’m dizzy.

　　Wife：Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can’t pass cet6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Yangling.

　　ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.

　　Wife：Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see!

　　ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!

　　Wife：Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?

　　ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t.

　　Wife：You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't marry here. If I didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now,

　　ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop! I ‘m going to study hard at once.

　　Wife (laugh): That's the spirit!  Do you know? We are in the red for your Cet6. I even borrowed money from the gate keeper. What can I do when they dun for debts.

　　ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei?

　　Wife: Oh! Yes! Come on quickly! Boy!

　　Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?

　　Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so   you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England.  .

　　Keeper: Yes! Madam!

　　Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang’s house.

　　SCENE3   Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

　　Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper

　　Zhangfei: Let me strike the door! Open! Open!!!

　　Keeper: (Check from the peep hole) Are these men asking for the debt? (Open the door)

　　Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.

　　Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.

　　Liubei: En????

　　Keeper: Oh! No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of  CET-6,and he may not be come back this month.

　　Liubei: OK! We are waiting for him here!

　　Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will come back, thus, let’s go home!

　　Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhugeliang again. Two month passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow   and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here   three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is outside.

　　SCENE4   Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

　　Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper

　　Zhangfei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind¹³ him up for you. It really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.

　　Liubei: These days, the borrower is the god! Let’s go there again and show our the warmest heart to move them.(Knock the door)

　　Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6. Please wait for a   moment!

　　Zhangfei：Xiao Zhu! Come out! Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece. Get out, or I will burn your house down!

　　Guanyu: Sunflower press! AI. Litter brother, big brother has said several times, We are   intellectuals, understand? Don't be so rude, we are here for debt, not for his life. If you will kill   him, where is our money?

　　Liubei: The submortagage crisis is so serious, don’t you know that simple reason? If you know, please bat your eyes!

　　Zhangfei (Bat eyes)

　　Guanyu: sunflower press!!!!!

　　Zhangfei: Where did you get this KongFu?

　　Guanyu: Hehe! I get it from a TV program called “My Own Swordsman”, which is so popular   with lots of people in China!

　　Zhangfei: Why not say it earlier? We three brother could run a company of Chinese KongFu if we   had know that before!

　　Guanyu: Oh!! That is a good idea!!!!

　　Keeper: Don’t interrupt!!!! Boss is reading!!!

　　Liubei: Keep quite!!!

　　Aside: at this time, zhugeliang is exciting, but his wife come back soon.

　　SCENE 5: ZhuGeliang’s Home

　　Actors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei Guanyu

　　ZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last. Ha ha ha ……….

　　Wife: Wof!  Darling! He may come here to ask me to repay his money. We can’t let him in.

　　ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry. I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver¹⁴ tongue.

　　Liubei: Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time!

　　Zhu: Oh! You are Liubei. What can I do for you ?

　　Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you repay it for me? I have starved for several days.

　　ZhuGeliang: I owe you $500? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.

　　Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.

　　Zhu: Please look, although having ambition , you are just a guarder .We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao. At last I believe that we can reign¹⁵ the whole country.

　　Liubei: I’m so surprised! I don’t know you are so ideal.

　　ZhuGeliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money?

　　Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us?

　　ZhuGeliang: But I can’t help you, I have accustom¹⁶ the life at present.

　　Liubei: If you don’t help me , the citizen will live a harder life , please don’t refuse.

　　ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t. Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.

　　Liu: En…..

　　Zhangfei: (Pull) Brother, come here. Everything is fake now such as the milk. Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ?

　　Guanyu: Yes! We can overdraft¹⁷ our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first.

　　SCENE 6: ZhuGeliang’s Home

　　Actors: Wife Keeper

　　Aside: Because the salary has been given to zhugeliang to buy the key, Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have been starving for one month.

　　Keeper：（Happy）Sir , you are really a god . CET6 has got 600 scores. Be really to startle the universe and move the gods.

　　Wife：What happened? 600 scores? Oh! Do not shoulder your several years studying at a cold window; Do not shoulder my night holding candle accompanying you. After your Master graduates, happy life will approach. Cars, house, money!

　　SCENE 7: Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

　　Aside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.

　　Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei

　　Wife：Honey!

　　ZhuGeliang：Darling!

　　Wife：Excellent man have a long-range ambition. You should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.

　　ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey .Please take care of yourself.(Turn around) Don’t worried, never miss you!!(Run)

　　ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty¹⁸, I will never forget your favour. I should be loyal and devoted to the last.

　　Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go!!!!!

　　Aside: The three men go down to the hill. That is the end of the whole story. Thank you for your attention.

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