【时间旅行者的妻子】48

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“Jesus, Henry.” He shuts the door and I hear him walking back to his room. I throw my self a reproachful glare¹ as I pull on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I walk down the hall to Dad’s bedroom. His door is shut. I knock. No answer. I wait. “Dad?” Silence. I open the door, stand in the doorway². “Dad?” He’s sitting with his back to me, on his bed. He continues to sit, and I stand there for a while, but I can’t bring myself to walk into the room. Finally I shut the door, walk back to my own room.

　“That was completely and totally your fault,” I tell my self severely³. He is wearing jeans, sitting on the chair with his head in his hands. “You knew, you knew that was going to happen and you didn’t say a word. Where is your sense of self preservation⁴? What the hell is wrong with you? What use is it knowing the future if you can’t at least protect us from humiliating little scenes—”

　“Shut up ” Henry croaks⁵. “Just shut up.”

　“I will not shut up,” I say, my voice rising. “I mean, all you had to do was say—”

　“Listen.” He looks up at me with resignation⁶. “It was like.. .it was like that day at the ice-skating rink.”

　“Oh. Shit.” A couple years ago, I saw a little girl get hit in the head with a hockey puck at Indian Head Park. It was horrible. I found out later that she died in the hospital. And then I started to time travel back to that day, over and over, and I wanted to warn her mother, and I couldn’t. It was like being in the audience at a movie. It was like being a ghost. I would scream, No, take her home, don’t let her near the ice, take her away, she’s going to get hurt, she’s going to die, and I would realize that the words were only in my head, and everything would go on as before.

　Henry says, “You talk about changing the future, but for me this is the past, and as far as I can tell there’s nothing I can do about it. I mean, I tried, and it was the trying that made it happen.

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