你不需要解释的事情

　　Many choices we make in life—ranging from what we do, to how we conduct ourselves, and who we interact with—are subject to prying¹ questions and commentary from those around us. Family members, friends, and even total strangers, it often seems like everyone has an opinion on the things we do, no matter how small or insignificant² those things might seem to us.

　　生活中我们会做出很多选择：从我们做什么，怎么做，到和谁交往等等都会引起旁人的好奇和谈论。家人、朋友甚至完全陌生的人，对我们的每一件事情，就算是很小很微不足道的事情都有自己的看法。

　　你不需要解释的事情

　　Sometimes people go so far as to ask you to explain yourself for the decisions or choices you make in your own life. You might feel obliged to respond, but some things are really no one else’s business and you don’t owe anyone an explanation at all for the following 15 things—though you think you do.

　　有时候，他们会一个劲地要求你对自己生活中做出的决定进行解释。可能你觉得应该回答，但是有些事情真的跟他们没有任何关系，以下15点你不需要向他们做任何解释（就算你觉得你应该解释）：

　　1. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR LIVING SITUATION.

　　不需要解释自己的生活状态

　　Whether you are cohabiting with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, crashing in different motel rooms across the country, or living with your parents for a while when you are past your twenties, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone for who you live with and why if you don’t want to. If you are fully³ aware of your living situation, then it means you have your own reasons for being in that situation that are nobody else’s business.

　　不管你是不是跟前任住在一起，有没有去不同的宾馆开过房，还是你二十几岁了还跟父母住在一起，如果你不想你就不用告诉任何人你跟谁住，为什么。你充分了解自己的生活状况，并且有足够的理由那么做，这就不关别人的事。

　　2. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR LIFE PRIORITIES.

　　不需要解释你的生活重心

　　You have your own ideas about the things that would make you and your loved ones truly comfortable and happy, which is your main priority. Since we are all unique individuals with different values, dreams and aspirations⁴, your core priorities will be different from the next person’s. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for what you determine is your core priority in life. That is your personal business not other people’s business.

　　你自己知道什么事情能使你和你爱的人开心舒服，这就是重要的事情。因为我们是独立的个体，有不同的价值观，不同的梦想，所以我们的重心也是不一样的。因此不需要告诉别人你的核心目标是什么，这是我们个人的事情跟别人无关。

　　3. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN APOLOGY IF YOU ARE NOT SORRY.

　　如果你没有错，就不需要道歉

　　If you don’t regret your actions, still think someone is wrong about something or don’t care much for their forgiveness, you don’t have to apologize. Many people are too quick to offer apologies and try to mend wounds that are not yet ready to be mended, which only serves to aggravate⁵ the wound and bring more problems. You really don’t have to apologize if you are not sorry or your side of the story hasn’t been heard.

　　如果你认为某件事情是他人的错，不是自己的错，或者说你不乞求他人的原谅，那么就不用道歉。许多人总是早早地说处对不起，试图来弥补尚未准备好的伤害，这样只会加深伤害并带来更多的问题。如果你并不感到抱歉，或者他们还没听你的说法，那么就不用道歉。

　　4. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR REQUIRING ALONE TIME.

　　不需要解释为什么你想要独处

　　You might worry that you will come across as “rude,” “anti-social” or “aloof” when you cancel plans or other obligations because you need some time alone to reboot, unwind or just enjoy a good book by yourself. However, spending time alone is a completely normal, natural and necessary practice that more people should adopt. Take your alone time confidently because you don’t owe anybody an explanation for it.

　　当你取消计划，停下手中的事情，想要一些时间去休息放松或只是想看一本书的时候，也许会担心被别人理解为无礼的、反社会的或是离群的。但是，一个人独处完全是一个正常的、自然的并且是必要的行为，应该得到更多人的接受。坦然地去度过自己的时光，因为你不需要向别人解释。

　　5. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE YOUR AGREEMENT ON THEIR PERSONAL BELIEFS.

　　不必赞同别人的个人观念

　　Just because someone shares their personal beliefs passionately⁶ doesn’t mean you have to sit there and nod in approval to everything they say. If you don’t share in their beliefs, it is unfair to yourself and to the other person to suppress your own thoughts and feelings and pretend you agree with them. It’s okay and better to disagree with them gracefully⁷ instead of bottling up your disapproval⁸ and frustrations⁹.

　　别人激情地分享自己的观点，这不是意味着你必须坐在那里赞同他们所说的每一件事。如果你不能够分享他们的信念，却压制住自己的想法而假装赞同他们，这对你和对他们都是不公平的。与其表露自己的不满和沮丧，不如恰当地说出自己不赞同他们。

　　6. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE A YES TO EVERYTHING THEY SAY.

　　别人说的每一件事，你不必都说“好”

　　You have a right to say no whenever there is no compelling reason to say yes. In fact, the most successful people in the world are those who have mastered the art of saying no to everything that is not a priority. Acknowledge other people’s kindness and be grateful for it, but don’t be afraid to politely decline anything that takes your focus away from your core goals and priorities. That’s how to get ahead.

　　无论什么时候你都有权利说“不”，而不是一定要说“好的”。事实上，世界上最成功的人往往都是那些学会了对每一件事情说“不”的人。感激感谢别人的友善，但对于把你的注意力从你的核心目标和重点带走的事情，不要害怕礼貌地谢绝。这才能使你走向未来。

　　7. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

　　别在意别人如何看待你的外貌

　　You might be slender, plump, tall, short, pretty, plain or whatever, but you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone for why you look how you do. Your physical appearance is your own business and you are obligated only to yourself. Physical appearance shouldn’t determine your self-worth.

　　不管你是瘦的还是胖的，高个子还是矮个子，漂亮还是相貌平平，都不需要解释你为什么会变成这样。外貌是你自己的事情，你只需要对自己负责。况且外貌不能决定你的自我价值。

　　8. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR FOOD PREFERENCES.

　　不需要解释你的食物偏好

　　There are certain foods that you just don’t like at all for different reasons, including taste preference and health issues. You don’t have to explain to anyone at all why you prefer certain foods. Your food preference is a matter that is best left to you. If anyone pesters¹⁰ you about why you are eating (or not eating) certain foods, shrug¹¹ it off and just say you feel better eating (or not eating) those foods.

　　总有一些食物包括味道不错的或是对健康有好处的，你就是不喜欢吃。你不需要解释为什么喜欢某些食物和不喜欢哪些食物，这已经是能留给你自己选择的最好的事情了。如果有人纠缠于你为什么喜欢（不喜欢）某些食物，只需要耸耸肩说就是感觉喜欢（不喜欢）吃那些东西挺好的。

　　9. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR SEX LIFE.

　　不需要透露自己的性生活

　　As long as it happens with another consenting adult, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for where, when and how you conduct your sex life. You can wait for marriage, try one-night stands or experiment with same sex encounters to your heart’s pleasure and still not have to explain your sexual preferences to anybody.

　　只要是和另一个成人，在双方同意的情况下发生的性行为，你就不需要跟别人说是在哪里，什么时候，怎么发生的。只要自己喜欢，你可以等到结婚有性生活，也可以产生一夜情或是婚前试爱，你也不需要跟别人说你的性取向。

　　10. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR CAREER OR PERSONAL LIFE CHOICES.

　　不必解释自己选择事业还是家庭生活

　　Sometimes circumstances force us to choose between work and “having a life.” The decision is not always easy and you might end up choosing work, not because you don’t care about your family or social life, but because you are working on something that will give you security in the future. Either way, you don’t owe others an explanation for choosing a career over your personal life (or vice¹² versa) as long as you are confident about what you are doing and why you are doing it.

　　有时候环境会驱使我们在事业和“组织家庭”中做出一个选择。其实做出决定并不难，你也许会选择工作，不是因为你不关心家庭，只是你工作是为了给自己的将来一个保障。只要你对自己所做的决定有充分的信心和理由，你都不必向他人解释你为什么不选择家庭而选择工作或是刚好相反。

　　11. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR RELIGIOUS OR POLITICAL VIEWS.

　　不需要解释自己的宗教或政治信仰

　　Whether you are a Democrat¹³, Republican, Catholic, Protestant or Muslim, that is your own personal choice. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you are what you are and believe what you believe. If someone can’t accept you for who you are, that is their personal dogma—not yours.

　　不管你是哪个党派，不管你是天主教还是新教教徒或是穆斯林，这都是你个人的选择。你不需要跟别人解释为什么你是什么，或是你为什么信仰你信仰的。如果有人不接受你的身份，那是他们的教条，不是你的。

　　12. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR BEING SINGLE.

　　不必解释为什么保持单身

　　Whether you are single by design or by default that is nobody’s business. Being single is not a personality disorder¹⁴. You are free to be in a relationship or not. Besides, you are far more than your relationship status and singlehood is just one of those social labels no one should really care about.

　　不管是不是刻意保持单身，这跟别人没关系。保持单身不是病态人格，你可以自由选择单身还是恋爱。况且，单身的状态远比谈恋爱时的状态好很多，单身只是社会标签的一种，根本不需要在意。

　　13. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE A DATE JUST BECAUSE THEY ASKED.

　　你不一定需要赴约

　　Someone might be nice, good looking and you may even be a little interested, but you don’t owe them a date just because they ask. If you feel deep down you don’t want to go on that date, then don’t. You may offer a reason for declining, but keep it brief and stick to your decision.

　　有些人很友好，长得好看，你也有些兴趣，但不是他们要求了你就一定要去赴约。如果那天你很沮丧不想去，那就别去。你可以告知不去的理由，但是一定要简短并坚持自己的决定。

　　14. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR DECISION ABOUT MARRIAGE.

　　不需要向他人解释自己对婚姻的决定

　　Whether or not you choose to get married and have kids or stay unmarried and be childfree, that is your own personal decision. Even your mom who is dying for grandchildren should understand that marriage is a personal decision and not suited for everyone. She should respect your decision about it no matter how hard it is to swallow.

　　不管你是选择结婚生子还是选择不婚不生孩子，这都是你自己的决定。就算你的母亲很想要（外）孙子孙女，也应该理解结婚是个人的决定但不适合每一个人。不管多么难以接受，她也应该尊重你的决定。

　　15. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP CHOICES.

　　不需要解释自己的关系选择

　　Sometimes people make inappropriate commentary about your romantic relationship(s), which is really none of their business. You might overhear comments like you are not the “perfect couple” or you should find someone else. However, you are not answerable to anyone but yourself for your relationship choices. Live your life and never, ever leave or stay in a relationship just because someone else says you have to. Make your own mistakes if you must, but learn from them always.

　　有时候人们会对你们的爱情关系作出不恰当的评论，而你们的关系完全不关他们的事。也许你无意间会听到这样的议论，比如你们不合适，你应该另外找一个人等等。但是，你的恋爱选择只需要对自己负责而不是对别人负责。过你自己的生活，绝不因为别人的看法而放弃或维持某段关系。有必要的话，你可以犯错但总能从错误中学到东西。

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