TED演讲:我无家可归的一年(3)

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　　And they stayed there. And I faced a whole new set of challenges¹. 然后就一直这么冷。我又遇到了一堆新问题，

　　I parked a different place every night so I would avoid being noticed and hassled by the police. 每晚我的车都停在不同的地方。这样才可以不让警察发现以至于和警察争吵。

　　I didn't always succeed.But I felt out of control of my life. 当然，并不是每次都成功。但是，我觉得我已无力掌控自己的生活了。

　　And I don't know when or how it happened, 我也不知道什么时候或者是如何发生的，

　　but the speed at which I went from being a talented writer and journalist to being a homeless woman, 我这么快就从一个有才的写手，新闻从业者变成一个无家可归，

　　living in a van, took my breath² away. I hadn't changed. My I.Q. hadn't dropped. 住在车里的女人，这简直是快的难以置信。我并没有变。我的智商没有降低。

　　My talent, my integrity³, my values, everything about me remained the same. 我的才能，我的正直，我的价值，所有关于我的这些东西都还是一样。

　　But I had changed somehow. I spiraled deeper and deeper into a depression⁴. 但是从某种程度上，我还是改变了，我越来越沮丧，像一个漩涡一样不断地往下沉。

　　And eventually someone referred me to a homeless health clinic. And I went. 后来有人介绍我去一个专为无家可归之人开的健康诊所。我去了。

　　I hadn't bathed in three days. I was as smelly⁵ and as depressed⁶ as anyone in line. 我有三天都没有洗澡了，我和其他那些排队的人一样沮丧，身上的味道也很难闻。

　　I just wasn't drunk⁷ or high. And when several of the homeless men realized that, 我只是没有喝醉或者兴奋。当一些无家可归的人意识到，

　　including a former university professor, 包括一个以前在大学任教的教授，

　　they said, "You aren't homeless. Why are you really here?" 他们说：“你不是无家可归，你真正在这里的原因是什么？”

　　Other homeless people didn't see me as homeless, but I did. 其他的无家可归的人不把我当作是无家可归的人看待。但是我自己是这么认为的。

　　Then the professor listened to my story and he said, "You have a job. You have hope. 后来，教授听了我的故事后他说，“你有工作，有希望。

　　The real homeless don't have hope." 真正无家可归的人并没有希望可言。”

　　A reaction to the medication the clinic gave me for my depression left me suicidal. 诊所针对我沮丧开的药物的副作用让我有点自杀的倾向。

　　And I remember thinking, "If I killed myself, no one would notice." 我还记得当时想，“如果我自杀了，可能没人会发现的。”

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