生活大爆炸 第五季:第20集 拉杰相亲奇遇记(下)

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Like... dude-on-dude, but with women? 像...男人和男人，你和女人?

I know a fake¹ marriage isn't an honest way to live, but you of all people should know how difficult it is to come out in our culture. 我知道假结婚不太好，但你也应该知道，我们这种文化背景的有多难出柜

Why me of all people?! 我怎么就知道了

Well, there's a rumor² back in New Delhi that you're—how shall we say—comfortable in a sari. 在新德里大家都说你是...怎么说呢，披纱着锦的

I'm not gay! Really? 我不是同志！确定

The chocolate lava³ cake, the little soaps in the bathroom, and I'm sorry, but you're wearing more perfume than I am. 巧克力熔岩蛋糕，浴室里的小香皂，不好意思，你身上的香水比我还多

That's Unbreakable by Khloe and Lamar. 这是科勒和拉马尔设计的"情比金坚"

And for your information, it's unisex. 而且是男女通用的

Fill in the blank. 填词游戏

I love the nightlife... I like to boogie. 我喜欢夜生活...我喜欢跳布吉舞（一种黑人舞蹈）

Got you. With women! I like to boogie with women! 露馅了吧。和女人，我喜欢和女人跳布吉舞

That's disappointing. You were exactly the kind of phony-baloney husband I was looking for. 太令我失望了，我以为你是我追寻的，那种假婚老公呢

Thank you. And once again, my baloney likes girls. 谢谢。再次重申，我的"香肠"喜欢女孩

W-W-Wait! You don't want to put a bite of that in your mouth without trying my homemade Chantilly cream. 等等！你得就着我亲手制作的，奶油巧克力酱吃

Yeah, okay, that time I heard it. 好吧，这次我知道了

Oh, dear. Two suns and no sunscreen. 哦，天哪。两个太阳，没带防晒霜

Hello again, Sheldon. 我们又见面了，谢尔顿

What is it now, Tiny Spock? 又什么事，迷你斯波克

I am very disappointed in you. 我对你非常失望

You broke your toy  and switched it with Leonard's. 你弄坏了你的玩具，然后把莱纳德的换过来

You should be ashamed of yourself. 应该感到羞耻

You're the one who told me to play with it. 是你让我打开来玩的

If I told you to jump off the bridge of the  Enterprise⁴, would you do it? 要是我叫你从"进取号"（《星际迷航》中的飞船）舰桥上往下跳，你也跳?

Oh, if I got on the bridge of the Enterprise, I would never, ever leave. 要是有幸能来到"进取号"的舰桥，我死也不走了

Trust me, it gets old after a while. 相信我，过一阵新鲜劲就没了

You must right your wrongs, Sheldon. 你必须更正你的错误，谢尔顿。

Why? I got away with it. Leonard has his toy, and he's never going to open it, so he won't know it's broken. 为啥？这样谁也没损失。莱纳德依旧有他的玩具，永远不会打开，所以也不会知道坏掉没

And I have a toy that isn't broken. 我的玩具没坏

Everybody's happy. Well, I am unhappy. 大家都开心。我不开心

I thought where you come from they don't have emotions. 我以为你们那的人没有情绪呢

I come from a factory in Taiwan. 我从台湾的工厂来

Now, do the right thing. 现在，做你该做的吧

You know what you are? 你知道你是什么吗?

Well, you're a green-blooded buzz⁵ kill. 就是个绿血的讨厌鬼

Perhaps it's time you beam on out of here. Fine. 你该传送走了。好吧

I will just use the transporter. 我用传送器好了

Oh, right. You broke it. 哦，对了。被你弄坏了

Very well. Cooper to  Enterprise, one to beam up. Energize⁶. 非常好，库珀家到进取号，传送人数一人。充能

Tiny Spock, help. 迷你斯波克，救命

Ready for lunch? Yeah, one sec. 吃饭吗?恩，等一下

Oh, good. Ma would've killed me if she found out I broke my retainer. 哦，太好了。我妈要是发现我弄坏牙套，我就死定了

Hey, uh... can I run something by you? It's about Lakshmi. 嘿，能跟你说些事吗?关于拉克希米的

Yeah, sure.How are things going? 当然，没问题，进展如何?

We hit a couple of bumps⁷. 不太顺利

She lives over in Manhattan Beach, so it takes, like, an hour to get there. 她住曼哈顿，到那得一小时

And she's a lesbian. 然后她是拉拉

What do you mean, "she's a lesbian"? "她是拉拉?"，什么意思

Well, you know how whenever you and I would try to hit on women in bars and they'd blow us off and then we'd tell each other they were probably gay? 你记得我们在酒吧和美眉搭讪，她们不理我们，我们就说也许她们是同性恋

It's like that. Except this time, it's true. 像那样，只是这次是真的

Then why did she even go out with you? 那她干吗和你约会?

She was looking for a husband so she can appear to be straight. 她想找个假老公装异性恋

And, you know, it sounded crazy to me at first... but I'm actually thinking about doing it. 刚开始我还觉得，这疯了吧，但现在我想考虑下

Okay, so the reason that might sound crazy... is 'cause it's  crazy! 好吧，你开始觉得疯了是因为...这本来就是疯了

Look, Howard, you're in a relationship. 霍华德，你有女朋友

You know you have to make compromises. 你有时候也得做出妥协

Yes, but my compromises are about which bedspread to buy or whose turn it is to do the laundry, Bernadette's or my mom's. 是的，但我妥协的是，买什么样的床单，谁该洗衣服，伯纳黛特还是我妈

It's a great deal. We both get our parents off our backs, I don't have to come home to an empty apartment every night. 这是件好事，我们都有父母的压力，我也不用再每晚独守空房

Plus, once I'm married, I can finally eat carbs again and let myself go. 而且我结了婚就又可以吃碳水化合物，不用担心变胖了

Why don't you tell your parents you want to try to find someone else? Maybe one who hasn't slept with more woman than you. 为什么你不告诉你爸妈，你觉得这人不合适呢?起码找个睡的女人比你少的

Because this one wants to marry me. I might never find another one who does. 因为她想和我结婚，我也许找不到，其他想和我结婚的人了

So you're seriously thinking about marrying someone you're never gonna have sex with? 你真的想要无性婚姻吗?

I can't believe your attitude. I thought you were in favor of gay people getting married. 我不敢相信你的态度，我以为你支持同性恋婚姻呢

Yes, to other gay people! 是的，但是要同性啊

Do you hear how homophobic you sound? 你知道你听起来有多反同吗?

Oh, I don't want a broken toy. 我才不要坏了的玩具呢

Nothing! What? Nothing. I said nothing. 没什么!什么?没什么，我说没什么

That was weird⁸. Really? I don't even notice anymore. 好奇怪，真的吗? 他怎样我都不觉得怪了

I cannot believe you guys aren't gonna play with these. 不敢相信你们不玩这个

Well, I told you, you don't. It's mint-in-box. 我说了，就是不能玩，这可是原装未开封的，

I don't know. I just think it's a waste. 我不知道，我觉得很浪费

Relax. I'm just looking at the box. 放松。我只是在看盒子

Perhaps you should look with your eyes and not your muscular⁹ Nebraska man hands. 也许你应该用眼睛看，而不是用，你那内布拉斯加州爷们般的壮手

What is your problem?! My problem is that I don't want you to break Leonard's toy. 你有什么毛病啊？！我就是不想你弄坏他的玩具

Which you probably did by shaking it! She shook it, we all saw her. 说不定你一摇就坏了，她摇了，我们都看见了

Leonard, I bought you this 'cause I wanted you to have fun with it. I don't want it to sit in this box. 莱纳德，我买是想你玩得开心，我不想它待在盒子里

You know, you're right. 你是对的

I mean, it's from you, I'm never gonna sell it. 我是说，它是你送的，反正我也不会卖

I'm opening it. Yes! 我来打开吧。好的!

It's broken. What? 坏了，什么?

Oh, nice job, man hands! 干得好，爷们手!

I didn't break it. I guess Stuart sold it to me like this. 不是我弄的啊，我想是斯图尔特卖给我时就这样

Yes. Yes, he did. That is a perfectly¹⁰ satisfying and plausible¹¹ explana... Let's all be mad at Stuart! 是的，是的，就是他，这是个非常完美合理的解释，大家就生斯图尔特的气吧!

You know, I paid a lot for this. Let's take it over there and show him. Absolutely. 我花了大价钱买来的，我们带过去给他看看。绝对要去

Wait! It was me. I opened your toy... discovered it was broken and didn't tell you. 等等!是我，我打开了你的玩具，发现它坏了，没有告诉你

Why would you open mine? I didn't.That was a lie. 你为什么打开我的?我没有，我撒谎了

I opened my own toy... and it was already broken, so I switched them. 我打开了我的，发现它坏了，我就换了咱俩的

You should talk to Stuart. I can't, because that was a lie. 那你应该和斯图尔特谈谈。我不能，因为我撒谎了

Yours was broken in an earthquake-- and that's a lie. 你的被地震震坏了，我撒谎了

What is the truth? 到底怎么回事?

My Mr. Spock doll came to me in a dream and forced me to open it. 我的斯波克先生玩偶在梦里，强迫我打开它

And when the toy broke, I switched it for yours. 玩具坏了以后，我对调了咱俩的

Later, he encouraged me to do the right thing, and I defied¹² him. 然后，他鼓励我做对的事，我没有听他的

And then I was attacked by a Gorn. 然后，我被戈恩族袭击了

Okay, that I believe. 好吧，我相信

Leonard, Penny, I just, I want you both to know that I regret my actions towards the two of you. Leonard Penny. That's a lie. 我只希望你俩相信，我很后悔对你俩这么做，我撒谎了

So, is that one mine? 那是我的吗?

Yes. Well, hand it over so I can open it. Okay. 是的。拿过来我打开它。好

And, Leonard, even though I don't have one anymore, I hope you have fun playing with it. 还有，莱纳德，即使我一个玩具都没有了，我希望你玩得开心

And that's a lie, right?  It's a big, fat whopper. 你又撒谎了，对吧?弥天大谎

I hope it breaks. 我希望它已经坏了

This is a treat. What brings you guys by? 我好开心。你俩怎么来了?

Raj, Howie told me what's going on with you and Lakshmi. 拉杰，华仔告诉了我，你和拉克希米的事

You told her? 你告诉她了?

I told everybody. 我告诉所有人了

We believe there's someone out there who will love you for you. 我们相信肯定有个真正爱你的人

Actually, we kind of agreed to disagree on that one, but we both think you shouldn't marry this woman. 事实上，这点上我们的意见，还有点分歧，但我们都觉得，你不该和这女人结婚

So, while I'm waiting for this mysterious perfect match who may or may not exist, I'm supposed to just be alone? 那我应该等那个，也许存在也许不存在的人来爱我，我注定孤身一人吗?

Not necessarily. I think we found someone for you to cuddle with. 不一定，我们给你找了个伴

Oh, my goodness. 上帝啊

Aren't you the cutest little Yorkie ever! 你真是最萌的约克夏!

You got him for me? Her. 你们专门给我买的他?是她

We thought you two would hit it off. I think we already have. 我们觉得你俩肯定合得来，我觉得我们已经合得来了

Thank you guys so much. Let's go see if you fit in my man purse. 谢谢你们俩，来看看我的包包能装下你不

Heterosexual, my ass¹³. 异性恋个屁

 

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