生活大爆炸 第五季:第22集 单身派对带来的麻烦(下)

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Howard, when I think about you and Bernadette starting this wonderful life together, 霍华德，想到你跟伯纳黛特，携手开始美好的人生旅程

I can't help but get a little choked up. I mean... look at you. You have everything. 我不禁有点哽咽，我是说，瞧瞧你啊，你拥有一切

Look at me. I'm 37. 瞧瞧我，都37了

I sleep in the back of a comic book store, and I have the bone density¹ of an 80-year-old man. 还睡在漫画店后面，骨密度相当于80岁老头

To Howard. Yeah, to Howard. Yes... Um, uh, who's next? I'll go. 敬霍华德。嗯，敬霍华德。对了...谁还要说?我来

Howard, I'm gonna say something to you that everybody's thinking but no one has the courage to say out loud.  霍华德，我想说件事，大家心里都嘀咕呢，只是没胆说

When you invite a man to a bachelor party, the implication is, there will be strippers. 你邀请哥们来单身派对，其中含义就是，会有脱衣舞娘

Maybe not completely nude², but at least pasties and G-strings. That's not unreasonable³. 也不用全裸的啦，但起码要有，贴胸贴，穿丁字裤的吧，你这太坑爹了

Hear, hear. Hear, hear... 干杯，干杯。干杯，干杯...

Okay, uh, anybody else? Huh? No? 还有人吗?没啦

Okay, it all comes down to me, the best man. 那就该我这伴郎了

This grasshopper⁴ is kicking my ass-hopper. 这蚱蜢酒还真让我脑仁乱跳呢

Okay, okay, when I first came to this country, I-I didn't know how to behave or how to dress, or what was cool... I was pretty lonely. 好，我刚来这国家时，不知道该如何交流，如何穿着，还有怎么扮酷，我当时挺寂寞的

But then I met Howard, and suddenly, my life changed, because we could be lonely together. 但然后我就遇到了霍华德，突然我的人生就变了，因为，我们可以一起寂寞

This man became my whole world. 这男人成了我的全世界

Yeah, nice speech, Francine. 说得好，妹子

I'm not done, but thank you. 我没说完呢，但谢啦

I think back... to all the good times we had,  我回忆起...我们一起经历的美好时光

like, uh, when we went camping and spent that night telling each other all our secrets. I told him  比如我们去露营那晚，我俩互相倾诉彼此的秘密，我说

I'm addicted⁵ to pedicures and he told me he lost his virginity to his cousin. 我是恋脚癖，他说他的初夜给了他表姐

She was my second cousin. 是远房的啦

And the first woman you ever disappointed sexually⁶. Ba-da-bazinga! 也是你第一位，让她性趣全失的女人。逗了个逗你玩

Oh... oh, yeah, and then there was the time when Leonard and I took Howard to Las Vegas 还有次，莱纳德和我，带霍华德去拉斯维加斯

and paid a hooker to pretend she was Jewish and that she wanted his little kosher pickle⁷. 我俩请了个妓女，让她假装是犹太人，还想吃他的小黄瓜

Of all the "Howard humping hookers" stories, that one's my favorite! 在所有"霍华德上妓女"的故事中，这是我的最爱

Okay, buddy⁸, that's it. Sit down. Oh, oh, what about that tubby girl in the Sailor Moon costume at Comic-con? 好了，哥们，够了。坐吧，动漫展那个穿美少女战士装的胖妞，是怎么回事来着?

Don't remember. Please sit down. The only threesome I've ever had in my life, and I'm proud to say it was with this man right here. 不记得了，快坐下吧。我人生唯一一次3P，我很骄傲，因为是跟这哥们一起的

Oh, please shut up. Oh, oh, don't get me wrong, nothing happened with me and Howard. 快闭嘴吧。别误会了，我跟霍华德没怎么着

There was about 200 pounds of Sailor Moon between us. 我俩之间隔着个90公斤重的，美少女战士呢

Oh, Internet, this is so going all over you. 互联网啊，这视频肯定火了

Jeepers, I'm drunk. 哇塞，我醉了

Thank you for picking us up. 谢谢你接我们

There's a warning, right there, on the scotch⁹ bottle. You cannot be operatin' heavy machinery¹⁰ after you had a snootful of this, laddie! 威士忌酒瓶上有条警告，喝多了以后不准操作重机械，小伙子

Funny. You boys have a nice time? 有意思。你们玩得开心吗?

Yeah, it was great. 嗯，挺不错的

Low-key, like I promised. No hanky-panky, no strippers. Just the guys telling jokes. That's nice. 如我保证的那样，很低调，没恶作剧，没请脱衣舞娘，就是一群爷们瞎扯淡。不错

How about you? Did you have a fun night? 你呢? 你今晚开心吗?

Yeah, we, uh, made gift bags, had wine, and then went online and saw this. 嗯，我们准备礼品袋，喝了酒，然后上网看到了这个

Of all the "Howard humping hookers" stories, that one's my favorite. 在所有"霍华德上妓女"的故事中，这是我的最爱

You know, we're not that far from my apartment. If you stop the car, I can walk from here. 这里离我家也不远，你停车的话，我走着回去就行

You ain't goin' anywhere, Threeway. 你哪里也别想去，3P男

Bernadette, listen... You lied to me.  伯纳黛特，听好，你骗了我

You said you told me about all the girls you've been with, but you never mentioned your cousin, the prostitute or Raj! 你说你交往过的女孩，你都交代全了，可你没提过你表姐，妓女和拉杰

Seriously, you don't even have to stop the car. Anything under ten miles an hour and I can combat-roll into the street. 其实你也不用停车啦，只要时速在十英里下，我就能滚到街上去

Okay, just to set the record straight, I didn't hire the prostitute, she was a gift from him. 澄清一下，那妓女不是我招的，是他们送我的礼物

Shame on you, Raj. That is not how we treat women in this country. 真无耻，拉杰，在这国家，可不能那么对女人

Don't you try and blame this on him. Thank you, Bernadette. Zip it, pervert¹¹! 别想怪他身上。谢谢，伯纳黛特。闭嘴，变态

I don't know what I'm going to do. 我不知道该怎么办了

I'm supposed to marry Howard in a couple weeks and I'm not sure I even know who the man is anymore. 我几周后就要嫁给霍华德，但现在都不确定我是否了解他了

I'm curious what's bothering you most: the borderline incest, 我想问下哪一条最困扰你，不伦乱交...

the prostitute or group sex with the girl dressed as the children's cartoon? 妓女，还是，跟幼儿卡通打扮的妹子群交?

Amy, remember when we went over things that would be helpful and things that wouldn't? Right. 艾米，记得咱讨论过，怎样才有帮助，怎样没有吗?好

And that was... Not. 所以是...别问了

When I first met Howard, he seemed so innocent to me, just a sweet little guy who lives with his mother. 我第一次见霍华德时，觉得他好傻好天真，就是个跟妈妈住一起的小男孩

Well, if that's what you like, I'll take you to the comic book store-the place is full of 'em. 如果你喜欢，我带你去漫画店，里面全是这样的

Wait a minute. You set me up with Howard. 等一下。我俩是你撮合的

Did you know about all the creepy stuff he was into? 你知道他做过这么多猥琐事吗?

Well, a little.You hear stuff... 多多少少听到过一点

Why didn't you tell me. Well, I was gonna, but I didn't think it would go past the first date. 怎么不给我说呢。我想说的，但我以为，你俩第一次约会后就没戏了

Then, when it did, I thought for sure it wouldn't go past you meeting his mother. 你们继续后，我认为，你见她妈后，就肯定没戏了

Definitely not past the two of you sleeping together. I mean, the warning signs were there-this is really on you. 更没想到你俩会上床，"警告标志"那么明显，这其实该怪你。

My God! I thought you were my friend. 天哪！我还把你当朋友呢

I don't think that was helpful. 这样没啥帮助吧

Hi, Bernie, it's me again. Please call me back. 妮妮，还是我，求你回我电话吧

Dude, I am so sorry. 哥们，太对不起了

It's not your fault, it's mine. 不是你的错，该怪我

I did all that stuff, not you. 这都是我自作自受

Actually, you did do one of them together. 其实有件事是你俩一起做的

Here. What is this? 给。这是什么?

You're upset. The convention¹² is to bring an upset person a hot beverage¹³. No, but what is it? 你很伤心，按规矩，要给伤心之人杯热饮，我是问这是什么?

Chicken broth¹⁴. 鸡汤

It seemed culturally appropriate. 这在文化层面上也合适

Also, there was a single cube of chicken bouillon in the cupboard when I moved in and it's been bothering me for the last eight years... 而且，茶几上一直有个鸡汤块，我搬进来就有，这八年来我一直很困扰

So, as they say, two birds. 俗话说，一箭双雕

I don't know what my next move is. 我不知道接下来该怎么办

Well, Howard, I don't know much about women... Yeah? 霍华德，我不是多了解女人...嗯?

No, uh, that, that's it.I don't know much about women. 没了，我不是多了解女人

Raj, you got anything? 拉杰，你有想法吗?

I've got the phone number of the tubby girl from Comic-Con. 我有动漫展那胖妞的电话

I'm not calling the girl from Comic-con. 我可不要打给她

All right. More Sailor Moon for me. 好吧。美少女战士就归我了

I just threw up the bachelor party. 我刚把派对上吃的都吐了

Please come out, Bernadette.Let's talk through this. 快出来吧，伯纳黛特，咱好好谈谈

No, leave me alone. 不，别管我

Perhaps you should give him a taste of his own medicine. Do you have a cousin who you find attractive? 也许你该以牙还牙，你有喜欢你的表兄弟不?

Amy. Hey, you introduced him to the sleazebag. I'm just trying to clean up your mess. 艾米，那烂货是你介绍给她的，我在努力收视烂摊子呢

Oh, hi! Hi! I need to talk to Bernadette. 哦，嗨！嗨！我得跟伯纳黛特谈谈

Well, I don't think she wants to talk to anyone right now. 她现在应该不想跟任何人谈

All right, well, could you at least give her a message? Yeah, sure, I guess. 好，你能帮我带个话吗?好

Tell her I'm really sorry. 给她说，我很抱歉

And if she doesn't want to marry me, I get it. 如果她不想嫁给我，我也理解

But what I really want her to know is the guy that she's disgusted by, is the guy that I'm disgusted by, too. But that guy doesn't exist anymore; he's gone. 但我想让她知道，她讨厌的那人，也正是我讨厌的人，但那人已经不存在了，不在了

And the reason is because of her. 原因正是因为她

So, if this relationship is over, let her know that she made me a better man, and tell her thank you. 如果我们结束了，请告诉她，是她让我变得更好，帮我说谢谢

Oh, my God, Howard. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. 天哪，霍华德，这是我听过最美的话

And it came out of you. 还是从你嘴里说出来的

Howie? Penny has a message for you. 华仔?佩妮有话要给你说

I heard. Your voice, not unlike your mother's, travels through walls. 我听到了，你的声音跟你妈一样，能穿墙透壁

Do you want me to go? No. Come here. 要我走吗?不，过来吧

I'm still really mad at you. 我还是生你的气

I get that. Is there anything else about your past I should know? 我知道。关于你的过去，还有什么我该知道的吗?

Couple things, but, you know, most of them happened overseas. I'll tell you later. 还有些吧，但大部分都发生在国外。我晚点再交代

Okay. So, is the wedding still on? 好。那婚礼没取消吧

Yeah, the wedding's still on. 嗯，没取消

Oh, thank God. I'm still a maid of honor! 谢天谢地。我还是首席伴娘

Oh, what the hell. 管它呢

This is kind of hot. 略爽

Hello. What's with the robe? 你好，你咋穿个睡袍

I'm gonna have sex with you right here, right now, on that washing machine. 我要跟你在这里来一发，就在洗衣机上

No, you're not. Come on, please. 不行。拜托，求你啦

If you want to do something, you can help me fold this sheet. 你想找点事做，就帮我叠床单吧

Folding a sheet in my underwear¹⁵, still pretty crazy. 穿着内裤叠床单，也挺疯的

 

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