TED演讲:一段无人了解的经历(2)

（单词翻译）

Meanwhile, my mind began knitting itself back together. Gradually, my awareness¹ started to return.

但是同一时间，我的意识开始逐渐缓慢复原，慢慢的，我的意识开始恢复了。

But no one realized that I had come back to life. I was aware of everything, just like any normal person.

但是没有人意识到我已经恢复了意识。我可以意识到一切，就像一个完全正常的人一样。

I could see and understand everything, but I couldn't find a way to let anybody know.

我可以看见也可以理解一切，但我不知道如何让别人知道。

My personality was entombed within a seemingly silent body, a vibrant² mind hidden in plain sight within a chrysalis.

我的意识像是被埋葬在一个看起来寂静的身体里，活跃的内心被蛹束缚起来。

The stark³ reality hit me that I was going to spend the rest of my life locked inside myself, totally alone.

残酷的现实狠狠的冲击了我，我很可能在有生之年只能封锁在自己的身体里了，完完全全孤身一人。

I was trapped with only my thoughts for company. I would never be rescued. No one would ever show me tenderness.

我被困住了，只有我的思考作伴。我永远不会被解救，不会有人对我温柔以待。

I would never talk to a friend. No one would ever love me. I had no dreams, no hope, nothing to look forward to.

不会有朋友与我热心交谈，不会有人把我视作珍宝。我没有梦想，没有希望，没有任何事情供我去期待。

Well, nothing pleasant. I lived in fear, and, to put it bluntly, was waiting for death to finally release me,

没有任何可以留恋的。我活在恐惧中，而且坦白地说，我甚至期待死亡的最终解脱，

expecting to die all alone in a care home. I don't know if it's truly possible to express in words what it's like not to be able to communicate.

孤独地在我心爱的家中等死。我不知道用语言表达，这种无法用语言表达的感觉是否现实。

Your personality appears to vanish into a heavy fog and all of your emotions and desires are constricted⁴, stifled⁵ and muted within you.

就像你的意识看起来将要迷失在浓雾中，你所有的感情和欲望在身体里被约束、扼杀、沉寂。

For me, the worst was the feeling of utter powerlessness. I simply existed.

对我而言，最可怕的是极度无力的感觉。我在事实上是存在的。

It's a very dark place to find yourself because in a sense, you have vanished. Other people controlled every aspect of my life.

但是你只能在非常昏暗的地方才能找到自己，因为在某种程度上，你已经消失不见。别人控制了我生命的每一个方面。

They decided⁶ what I ate and when. Whether I was laid on my side or strapped⁷ into my wheelchair.

他们决定我吃什么、什么时候吃。我是被铺放在一侧还是被绑在我的轮椅上。

I often spent my days positioned in front of the TV watching Barney reruns.

我经常被放置在电视机前，看Barney在电视上放了一遍又一遍。

I think because Barney is so happy and jolly, and I absolutely wasn't, it made it so much worse.

我想可能是因为Barney是那么的欢快活泼，而我却与它完全相反，这让事情变得更加糟糕。