Text A "We're Only Human"
Nobody is acknowledged to have free will or responsibility any more. Everyone is the product of causation. There are no longer individuals, just victims in groups.
You know the final excuse that really gets my full quivering attention? It's when callers protest that they are "only human." ONLY human? As if one's humanness were a blueprint for instinctive, reflexive reactions to situations, like the rest of the animal kingdom. I see being "human" as the unique opportunity to use our mind and will to act in ways that elevate us above the animal kingdom.
A perfect illustration of these clashing definitions of humanity occurs in the classic film The African Queen. Humphrey Bogart as Charlie, the solitary sailor, tries to invoke the "only human" excuse when he attempts to explain his prior drunken evening by saying that it was, after all, only human nature. Katharine Hepburn as Rosie, the missionary, peers over her Bible and aptly retorts, "We were put on the earth to rise above nature."
And it is largely with the 3 C's that we accomplish that. The 3 C's are Character, Courage, and Conscience, without which we are merely gigantic ants instinctively filling out our biologically determined destiny.
While natural selection did shape our minds and feelings, there is something extra special about the human mind that leads us to be able, if not always willing, to take that extra step past some action that makes sense on only the basis of "survival of the fittest," or "survival of the me."
No doubt about it, self-advancement and self-indulgence are powerful innate drives for personal status and pleasure. Even the motivation for seemingly altruistic behaviors can be found in the common sense of "I do for you because I can expect some reciprocal benefits in the future." Humans are social animals, therefore we all rely on the kindness of kin for survival to some extent. Yet, if all giving is simply motivated by the expectation of eventually getting, where does our special "humanness" come in?
Right here! Human beings can actually derive pleasure in the very act of resisting temptations. Also, it's profoundly satisfying to forgo immediate pleasures and benefit another person at some expense of the self, even if no one else knows you've done it, eliminating the investment concept of reciprocal altruism and restoring character to its rightful place in our lives.
Character: The First C
Yes indeed, human beings derive pleasure from having character, which I once heard defined as "What you are when no one else is looking." For humans, brute strength is not enough. We value reputation, respect, admiration, and the long-lasting happiness that comes from the sacrifice, pains, and efforts that go into forging character. In addition to the specific pleasure humans take directly from rising above the pull of selfish desires, we gain the acceptance and affection of others.
Tina, twenty-two, was married for six months when she and her husband went to dinner with three other couples. All the guys at the table had been at Jack's bachelor party and took this opportunity to tell tales of how he'd carried on that fateful night, including having sex with one of the entertainment-type women at the party. Tina had asked Jack before the event if there was going to be drinking, women, and sex. He said yes to the first, and no to the rest. So he had lied to her before and after the fact.
Tina now sees her husband as having little "character." What does this mean? It suggests that in the inner battle between the self and the obligation toward others he will lean toward self. Therefore, she judges she can't count on him to do the right thing or honor his commitments to others. Tina told me that she was seriously considering a divorce.
When Do I Get Mine?
Integrity, honesty, and honor may not give immediate rewards or gratification, and they can be life-threatening. The absence of integrity, honesty, and honor on the other hand, does not always bring punishment or scorn (In fact, connivers and cheats often gain power and wealth). Therefore, morality must be its own reward. That's what my caller Tony and I grappled with.
Tony is twenty-nine, single, and his career is about to take off. All it requires is that he concentrate and focus his time, effort, and resources specifically on his goal. One problem: Almost two years ago his older sister and her husband died in an accident. Another of Tony's sisters took in the two children, now ten and thirteen. However, the woman didn't have the money and space to handle the additional responsibility, so they had all moved in with Tony.
"Look," Tony complained, "I feel sorry for them, I really do. But isn't it my turn at life? I have so much I want to accomplish and this is the time. I don't think I'm being selfish, just practical. What do you think?"
Instead of giving him my opinion, I asked him one question: "If I could project you fifteen years into the future and you could look back at this time in your life, what would you want to see yourself having done?"
Sighing deeply and choking back the tears, Tony replied, "Continue to help them."
Clearly, to resist the inner drive toward self-indulgence over character requires a value system that judges some behaviors as better than others — along with a specialty known as Courage.
Courage: The Second C
Merely sustaining life is a vegetable state; people who lead such lives report experiencing unhappiness and boredom. Thoroughly living life requires initiative, risk-taking, sustained action against odds, sacrificing for ideals and for others, leaps of faith. People who lead such lives report being happy, hopeful, and exhilarated... even when they fail.
Courage is to life what broth is to soup. It is the very context that gives experiences, events, and opportunities a special richness, flavor, and meaning.
Courage is also what gives values vibrancy. So many people espouse values about sex, abortion, honesty, etc., until the dilemma is theirs. Then, because of their particular circumstances, selfish needs, and uncomfortable feelings, the values become optional.
Conscience: The Third C
I believe too many people use "Okay, I made a mistake" or "But I'm only human" or "I'm not perfect!" as an escape clause out of a guilty conscience. The speakers hope or believe they cannot nor should not be condemned, criticized, or judged. With these protective clauses they demand to be excused.
We wish to be excused because guilt (internal pain from the disappointment in self) and shame (public awareness of our transgressions with the threat of condemnation and punishment) are painful emotions, and so we go through verbal and psychological contortions of blame and rationalizations.
Conscience, however, is not just about avoiding those negatives. Conscience, our capacity to judge ourselves in moral terms and to conform to those standards and values that we make a part of our inner being, is also motivated by good feelings such as pride, compassion, empathy, love, and identification.
Human beings, not tightly programmed by instinct like lower animals, are charged with the seemingly overwhelming responsibility of making judgments and choosing between behaviors. We have responsibility because we have control. The metaphorical point of Adam and Eve leaving the Garden of Eden is that humans have the ability and the inescapable requirement of making choices. These decisions are made continuously.
Beware the Pleasure Principle
Why does there seem to be such an inner struggle between the concepts of human as instinctive animal and human as an elevated being of choices? Simple. It's all about immediate gratification: pleasure. Conscience would appear to get in the way of that.
The pleasure principle of which I speak has to do mostly with our confusion between the concepts of "happiness" and of "pleasure." While a balance of both is a great formula for a satisfying life, the confusion between the two and, the emphasis on the latter, have been devastating to individuals as well as families, and inevitably, society.
Pleasure is a discreet and enjoyable experience: a sugar-covered donut, sex, listening to music, watching an absorbing movie. As satisfying as pure pleasure is, it is also transitory and often quite superficial.
"Happiness," as Stan Cohen wrote in the Los Angeles Times, is making steady, measurable, and observable progress in achieving the long-term goals that are a part of a lifetime plan. Happiness is rooted in some combination of the most basic desires for a good life that nearly every individual holds: to love and be loved; to successfully raise a family; to share ample quality time with friends and loved ones; to be enjoyably engaged in a gainful pursuit, one that fully employs and continuously expands one's skills, has purpose, earns fair recognition and provides rewards that are economically and / or emotionally satisfying; and to be a valued and respected member of one's community and society.
In this regard, pleasure is an event; happiness is a process. Pleasure is an end point; happiness is the journey. Pleasure is material; happiness is spiritual. Pleasure is self-involved; happiness is outer- and other-involved.
When individuals disregard the process of their lives and focus mostly on the seduction of the pleasurable moment, their self-centered actions often generate pain for others and destruction to their ultimate potential for self-esteem and personal achievement.
A Good Conscience Has Its Perks
In childhood, conscience is our internalized fear of losing our parents' love and support. In adulthood, it's something we impose upon ourselves in order to become complete human beings. There is seemingly no biological benefit to acting with conscience; if there were, only moral individuals would survive and procreate. Sadly, we know that's not true. The benefit of conscience is that you won't suffer guilt (private) or shame (public), and that by your own self-imposed definition, you are a moral human, a special kind of animal who takes unique pride in elevating him / herself above the termites. |