No!

　　史吉牌牛肉小吃呢(美国牛肉小吃品牌)

　　What about Slim Jims?

　　他刚才就着布丁吃光了  忘了吗

　　That's what he used to eat his pudding,remember?

　　没错  太美味了

　　Right. That was so good!

　　甜甜肉肉的混合口感真棒

　　Sweety and meaty at the same time.

　　等等  你是说

　　Wait. Wait,wait. So you're saying

　　我们吃光食物了吗

　　we're out of food?

　　里面只剩下蓝色冰袋了

　　The only thing in here are blue ice packs.

　　虽然深知它们有毒

　　I know they're poison,

　　但还是像极了美味诱人的吸的冻

　　but they look like big,yummy otter pops.

　　老天爷  我饿死了

　　Oh,God,I am so hungry.

　　我也是

　　Me,too.

　　再看看我们还有布丁没

　　Check and see if we have any more pudding.

　　好吧

　　Okay.

　　好吧  也没必要冲我吼吧

　　All right,there's no need to bark at me.

　　那位莫名暴躁的

　　According to the inexplicably irritable nurse

　　接待护士说

　　behind the desk,

　　你排在那个声称自己

　　you'll be seen after the man

　　有心脏病的男人后面

　　who claims to be having a heart attack,

　　但在我看来  他健康得很

　　but appears to be well enough

　　还能在他的iPhone上玩涂鸦跳跃呢

　　to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone.

　　我们得先填表格

　　We have to fill these out.

　　"请描述病情和伤情情况"

　　"Describe illness or injury."

　　肩膀脱臼

　　I dislocated my shoulder.

　　好吧

　　All right.

　　发生意外的原因

　　And how did the accident occur?

　　你不是已经知道了吗

　　You already know that.

　　"意外原因"

　　"Cause of accident."

　　"没有防滑小鸭"

　　"Lack of adhesive ducks."

　　好了  病史

　　Okay,medical history.

　　你有过糖尿病史吗

　　"Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?"

　　-没有  -肾病呢

　　- No. - Kidney disease?

　　-没有  -偏头痛

　　- No. - Migraines?

　　马上就有了

　　Getting one.

　　-你目前怀有身孕吗  -没有

　　- Are you currently pregnant? - No.

　　确定吗  你看起来可有点肥

　　Are you sure? You look a bit puffy.

　　偏头痛那里改成"是"

　　Change migraine to yes.

　　你上次生理期是什么时候

　　"When was your last menstrual period?"

　　转下个问题

　　Oh. Next question.

　　我就写  “生理期中”

　　I'll put,"In progress."

　　好了  下面是精神疾病的问题

　　Okay,moving to psychiatric disorders.

　　列出所有重大行为方面的病症

　　"List all major behavioral diagnoses,

　　例如沮丧  焦虑等等

　　"e.g. depression,anxiety,etcetera."

　　天哪  这些跟我这该死的肩膀

　　Oh,my God,what the hell does this

　　又有什么该死的关系

　　have to do with my stupid shoulder?!

　　是否有以下精神疾病发作史

　　"Episodes of sub psychotic rage."

　　干

　　Ass.

　　可能患有吐雷氏症

　　"Possible Tourette's."

　　好了  是否有痣斑  病变或其他皮肤问题

　　All right. "Moles,lesions or other skin conditions."

　　右边屁股纹了个"汤"字

　　"Soup tattoo on right buttock."

　　谢尔顿  谢尔顿  听我说

　　Hey,Sheldon,Sheldon,look,

　　我饱受惊吓  而且疼得厉害

　　I am scared and in a lot of pain.

　　可不可以请你别这么自我

　　Could you please take a break from being you for

　　让我缓口气  再试着...

　　just a minute and try being--

　　怎么说呢  安慰一下我

　　I don't know-- comforting?

　　抱歉

　　I'm sorry.

　　好了好了

　　There,there.

　　一切都会好起来的

　　Everything's going to be fine.

　　有我谢尔顿在

　　Sheldon's here.

　　谢谢  这样好多了

　　Thanks. That's much better.

　　我饿死啦

　　Oh,I'm so hungry!

　　你闭嘴吧

　　Will you shut up?

　　我们都饿死了

　　We're all hungry.

　　好了  我们的抢劫目标是

　　Okay,our objective is

　　东边那个童子军训练营地

　　the Boy Scout campsite to the east.

　　很好下手

　　Easy target.

　　手不能提的童军教练  加上几个童军

　　Big doughy scout master,couple of Cubs,

　　大多是幼童军

　　mostly WeBeLos.

　　具体抢啥东西呢

　　What kind of score we looking at?

　　热狗  面包  烤巧克力夹心饼

　　Hot dogs,Buns,S'mores.

　　那整个一便利商店嘛

　　I mean,it's a freaking 7-11.

　　好了  大家都带上手电

　　All right,everyone grab flashlights.

　　天哪  会是那个吗

　　Oh,my God,could it be?

　　太好了

　　Yes!

　　我妈妈在我包里放了鸡胸肉"爱心便当"

　　My mother put an "I love you" brisket in my backpack.

　　快  拿叉子

　　Quick,get forks.

　　不需要拿叉子

　　You don't need forks.

　　多嫩的鸡胸肉啊  用手一撕就行了

　　It's so tender,it falls apart in your hands.

　　他说的没错

　　He's right.

　　我觉得我们好像忘了啥重要的事

　　I feel like we're forgetting something important.

　　我也是  但是什么捏

　　Me,too. But what?

　　也许是忘了整整一盒的烤土豆和胡萝卜

　　Maybe a Tupperware bowl of roasted potatoes and carrots?

　　-太好了  -太好了

　　- Yes! - Yes!

　　记住  你刚吃了强力止痛药

　　Now remember,you were given powerful pain medication

　　还有肌肉松弛剂

　　and a muscle relaxer,

　　所以  千万别去操作重型机械

　　so,uh,don't operate heavy machinery.

　　小心别让自己口水噎到窒息

　　Try not to choke on your own drool.

　　等等  你得哄我上床睡觉啊

　　Wait.You have to help me get into bed.

　　谢尔顿哄我睡觉

　　Sheldon has to get me into bed.

　　我猜你怎么都想不到我会说这话

　　Bet you never thought I'd say that.

　　是啊

　　Yes.

　　你服下的药物副作用有无限可能

　　The charm of your drug-addled candor knows no bounds.

　　都说你跟个奇怪的机器人一样

　　You know,people think you're this weird robot man

　　一直都很烦人  说得一点没错

　　who's so annoying all the time,and you totally are.

　　但现在你就像电影《瓦力》里结局那样

　　But then it's like that movie Wall-E at the end.

　　充满了爱心

　　You're so full of love,

　　简直能拯救整个一株植物

　　and you can save a plant

　　拯救那些陷入滑滑椅不能自拔的肥佬

　　and get fat people out of the floaty chairs.

　　你这个比喻相当不伦不类

　　That's a fairly labored metaphor,

　　不过对这故事隐含的观点  我很欣赏

　　but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.

　　唱"乖乖猫"给我听

　　Sing "Soft Kitty" to me.

　　"乖乖猫"是唱给生病的人的

　　"Soft Kitty" is for when you're sick.

　　你又没生病

　　You're not sick.

　　我受伤了还服了药  就相当于生病

　　Injured and drugged is a kind of sick.

　　乖乖猫  暖暖猫  小小毛绒球

　　Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur...

　　等等

　　Wait,wait.

　　我们来唱和声吧

　　Let's sing it as a round.

　　我来起头

　　I'll start.

　　乖乖猫  暖暖猫  小小毛绒球

　　Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur...

　　我唱到这儿你该加进来唱了

　　So,that's where you come in.

　　我再从头唱起

　　I'll start over.

　　乖乖猫  暖暖猫  小小毛绒球

　　Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur...

　　谢尔顿  我有一整晚跟你耗哦

　　I've got all night,Sheldon.

　　乖乖猫  暖暖猫  小小毛绒球

　　Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur...

　　乖乖猫  暖暖猫  小小毛绒球

　　Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur...

　　快乐猫  瞌睡猫

　　Happy kitty,sleepy kitty

　　快乐猫  瞌睡猫

　　Happy kitty,sleepy kitty

　　呜  呜  呜[猫满足时呜呜的叫声]

　　Purr,purr,purr

　　呜  呜  呜

　　Purr,purr,purr.

　　第二天早上  他醒了过来

　　...And the next morning when he woke up,

　　翻了个身  他意识到...

　　he rolled over and realized...

　　那是她表妹

　　...she was his cousin.

　　还是不好笑

　　That's still not funny.

　　还是不好笑

　　That's still not funny.

　　再说她是我的远房表妹

　　And she was my second cousin.

　　再说她是我的远房表妹

　　And she was my second cousin.

　　你真是脑残

　　You're a real douche.

　　随你说好了  反正你跟自个儿表妹上床了

　　Who cares? You slept with your cousin.