We can be your team.

　　就像 X教授和他的X战警

　　Like,uh,Professor Xavier and his X-Men.

　　我的确喜欢X战警

　　I do like the X-Men.

　　我看过X战警吗?

　　Did I see X-Men?

　　我们上周才看过啊

　　Yeah,we watched it last week.

　　你还说你很喜欢

　　You said you liked it.

　　哦 亲爱的 我说过很多东西

　　Oh. I say a lot of things,sweetie.

　　那么 Sheldon 你觉得如何?

　　So,how about it,Sheldon?

　　不知道

　　I don't know.

　　如果你们是我的X战警 那你们有什么样的能力?

　　If you're my X-Men,what are your powers?

　　嗯 我可以带你购物

　　Okay. Well,I am going to take you shopping,

　　买套体面的西服

　　get you a nice suit.

　　为你增添信心

　　Might give you more confidence.

　　这又不是什么突变 让你能

　　That's not exactly a mutation that would get you

　　进入X教授为天赋异禀的少年而设的学校 算了 继续吧

　　into Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters,but go on.

　　Leonard呢?

　　Leonard?

　　我能试着分析你

　　I thought I could try to analyze you

　　找出怯场的根源

　　and get to the root of your anxiety.

　　你有资格了解我的脑内结构吗?

　　What qualifies you to attempt to understand my mind?

　　我老妈是个德高望重的精神科医生

　　My mother is a highly regarded psychiatrist,

　　自从她说我过于依赖母乳后

　　and I've been in therapy ever since she accused me

　　而且我就一直在接受治疗

　　of breast-feeding codependently.

　　Raj说他能教你...

　　Raj says he can teach you...

　　叫啥名字?

　　What did you call it?

　　没明白... 反正是一些印度冥想之类的邪门偏方

　　I don't know... some Indian meditation crap.

　　懂了

　　I see.

　　好吧 鉴于其他人

　　Well,I assume,since the rest of you

　　的办法都不怎么高明 我假设

　　have set the bar so low,you're saving

　　你把最出彩的留着压轴

　　the most impressive contribution for last.

　　说吧 Howard

　　Go ahead,Howard.

　　给我点惊喜

　　Dazzle me.

　　我的能力就是假装

　　My power is the ability to pretend

　　不知道你有那个怪毛病

　　like I give a damn about your piddily-ass problems.

　　老兄 这可是全天候服务啊

　　And that's 24-seven,buddy.

　　我很感谢你的伪装

　　And I appreciate the pretense.

　　那么 Sheldon 你觉得如何?

　　So,what do you say,Sheldon?

　　我们足够成为你的X战警吗?

　　Are we your X-Men?

　　不行

　　No.

　　X战警是以Charles Xavier的姓氏首字母命名的

　　The X-Men were named for the "X" in Charles Xavier.

　　我叫Sheldon Cooper 自然得叫C战警(与"精液"谐音)啦

　　Since I am Sheldon Cooper,you will be my C-Men.

　　哦 这名字真瞎

　　Oh,that's not a good name.

　　好了 Sheldon

　　Okay,Sheldon.

　　我将要引领你

　　I'm going to be leading you

　　进入一系列冥想练习

　　through a series of meditation exercises.

　　这套方法源自古代印度的宗教领袖

　　These methods come from the ancient gurus of India

　　用来帮助克服自身的恐惧

　　and have helped me overcome my own fears.

　　可你到现在还不能跟女人讲话

　　And yet,you can't speak to women.

　　没错 但多谢冥想 我已经能

　　True,but thanks to meditation,I am able to stay

　　和女人们共处一室 且不会紧张到要小便

　　in the same room with them without urinating.

　　现在... 请闭上你的眼睛

　　Now... close your eyes.

　　可以 但别打我

　　Okay,but don't punch me.

　　啥?

　　What?

　　小时候 我妹妹跟我说

　　When I was little,my sister would say to me,

　　"闭上眼睛 我给你一个惊喜"

　　"Close your eyes,you'll get a surprise,"

　　然后就打了我一拳

　　and then she'd punch me.

　　我不会打你的

　　I'm not going to punch you.

　　我妹以前也这么说

　　That's what my sister used to say.

　　你还想不想做了?

　　Do you want to do this or not?

　　抱歉 继续

　　I'm sorry. Proceed.

　　很好

　　All right.

　　想象你身处在一个地方

　　Imagine yourself in the one place

　　能让你有家的感觉

　　you feel most at home.

　　在哪儿?

　　Where is that?

　　模拟城市(热销游戏)

　　Sim City.

　　更具体地说 是我设计的模拟城市...

　　More specifically,the Sim City I designed...

　　"谢耳朵大都市"

　　Sheldonopolis.

　　好吧 你在"谢耳朵大都市"

　　Okay,you're in Sheldonopolis.

　　能否再具体点?

　　Where exactly?

　　"谢耳朵广场"? 还是"谢耳朵塔"?

　　Sheldon Square? Sheldon Towers?

　　还是"谢耳朵勇士"的大本营 "谢耳朵体育场" ?

　　Sheldon Stadium,home of the Fighting Sheldons?

　　你爱哪儿哪儿去

　　Whatever you like.

　　我还以为这是引导冥想呢

　　I thought this was supposed to be a guided meditation.

　　好吧 你在"谢耳朵广场"

　　Fine. You're in Sheldon Square.

　　真的吗? 这个时间点?

　　Really? This time of year?

　　可能会很冷啊

　　It's a bit nippy.

　　那你不会穿件毛衣

　　Then,put on a sweater.

　　那就假设我跑到商业区

　　Suppose I could run downtown

　　在"谢尔玛"(音似沃尔玛)买了些东西

　　and pick up something at Shel-Mart.

　　随便啦 快去买件毛衣就行了

　　Yeah,whatever. Just go buy a sweater.

　　知道吗 "谢尔玛"的好处就是 是我开的

　　You know,the nice thing about Shel-Mart is I own it,

　　所以我能打85折

　　so I get a 15% discount.

　　行 那个破店是你开的

　　You own the damn thing.

　　赶快去买件毛衣吧!

　　Just take a freaking sweater!

　　拜托 上一季度我获得的盈利

　　Look,I didn't turn a profit last quarter

　　可不是随便卖卖库存就能做到的

　　by taking product off the shelves willy-nilly.

　　好了

　　All right.

　　你已经买了毛衣 这会儿在"谢耳朵广场"上

　　You've paid for a sweater,and you're in Sheldon Square.

　　等下

　　Hang on.

　　我买了件开襟羊毛衫 得先把扣子扣好

　　It's a cardigan. I have to button it.

　　哦 糟了

　　Oh,no.

　　又怎么了?

　　What now?

　　一只哥斯拉模样的怪兽 走过来了

　　A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city.

　　我要保护我的人民

　　I have to get my people to safety.

　　"谢耳朵大都市"的市民们 我是市长先生

　　People of Sheldonopolis,this is your mayor.

　　快跟我走

　　Follow me.

　　小孩们跑不动就算了 扔下吧

　　If the children can't run,leave them behind.

　　哦 原来是假想恐怖!

　　Oh,the simulated horror!

　　Raj 人呢?

　　Raj?

　　唉 早就料到了

　　Just as I suspected.

　　冥想完全就是废话连篇

　　Meditation is nothing but hokum.

　　我很怀疑你的假设

　　I question your premise.

　　一件新西服怎么能起到防止

　　How is a new suit going to prevent me

　　我在舞厅所有人面前不晕倒呢?

　　from passing out in front of a ballroom full of people?

　　它可以给你增加信心

　　It'll give you confidence.

　　每当有什么事情压得我透不过气时

　　You know,sometimes when I'm feeling all stressed out

　　我便出去逛街 买件可爱的上衣

　　about something,I go out and buy a cute top

　　或是件好玩的裙子 之后我就有了崭新的生活观

　　or a fun skirt and I have a whole new outlook on life.

　　难道你最后没发现

　　Don't you eventually realize

　　穿上可爱上衣 穿上好玩裙子后

　　you're just the same stressed out person

　　还是饱受压力困扰吗?

　　in a cute top or a fun skirt?

　　买好鞋子后我会有这种感觉

　　Yeah,that's when I buy shoes.

　　来看看 这都有些什么货

　　Now,let's see what we've got.

　　噢!

　　Ooh!

　　这件不错

　　This is nice.

　　可是单色的

　　It's only one color.

　　是的 咋了?

　　Yeah,so?

　　才一种颜色的衣服哪里值这么多钱

　　That's a lot of money for only one color.

　　好吧

　　Fine.

　　你自己挑选你喜欢的好了

　　Why don't you pick out what you like.

　　嗯

　　Hmm.

　　这件穿上挺像犀利哥的

　　This is pretty sharp.

　　像你个大头鬼

　　No. You're wrong.

　　这件太棒了

　　This is great.

　　六岁时 我有件一模一样的

　　I had a suit like this when I was six.

　　好了 这件一定可以了吧

　　Okay,I think we have a winner.

　　你从哪翻出来的这玩意?

　　Where the hell'd you find that?

　　就舞会专柜那

　　In the prom department.