英文小幽默（2）（在线收听）

欺骗的代价 The Revenge

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."

Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."

Johnson: "But I want you to."

Wife: "But why?"

Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

译文：

　　老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。”

　　妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。”

　　约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。”

　　妻子：“为什么？”

　　约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”

笑话：我根本就看不见  I cannot see it at all

After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."


　　晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢？” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”

两个超级大笨贼   Very stupid robbers

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!"

The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

　　第二个说：“但是我们现在在第13层啊！”第一个尖叫着回敬他：“都什么时候了，还这么迷信！”

我没有看到你 I didn't see you.

A car rushed through the red light.
Police: Didn't you see the red light?
Driver: I did, but I didn't see you.

一辆轿车闯了红灯。
交警：你没有看到红灯吗？
司机：看到了，但我没有看到你。

好消息和坏消息   Good News And Bad News

"There's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.

"I could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "What's it?"

"Your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."

"And the bad news?"

"After the divorce, she's marrying your father."