Dear Annie:

Three years ago, I found out my husband was embezzling funds from our joint accounts and then hiding the money in another account. I discovered it when my kids' school called and told me we were four months behind on tuition.

When I confronted him, he denied it. The next thing I knew, he had removed my name from his accounts and closed them. He then changed all the passwords so I now have no clue who we owe or how much.

My husband spends huge amounts of money on himself all the time. He refuses to help with childcare, won't fix things in the house or car, and won't buy groceries or clothes for the kids. I make less than a quarter of what he does, and now I have no medical insurance because he said it was too expensive to put me on his plan.

What on earth do I do? － Sadly Broke in Simi, Calif.

Dear Simi:

Controlling the money so the spouse does not have access and then refusing to pay for a spouse's necessities or insurance is indeed a form of abuse. Your husband's behaviour is completely unacceptable. Before taking any action, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (ndvh.org) at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) and ask for help. Then call an attorney.