Dear Annie:

I am 24 years old and in considerable debt due to my mother. I didn't want to press charges, so I'm struggling to pay it off. I am planning to be married next year, and my fiancé is helping me financially.

Despite the situation, my mother comes crying to us anytime anything is wrong or she needs money. I just graduated from college after putting it off in order to work full time and pay down the debt. But when I invited her to attend the graduation ceremony, she said, "I have to sit through the whole thing? I have a life, too, you know."

I'm tired of overlooking her faults while she doesn't care about anything I do. After every conversation with her, I feel miserable, and it has put a lot of stress on my relationship with my fiancé. What do I do? － Tired of Being the Parent

Dear Tired:

Try to accept your mother's limitations because, frankly, she isn't capable of being less self-involved. Instead, learn to set boundaries and keep an emotional distance so you aren't sucked into her guilt-laden vortex. Don't spend more time with her than you can handle. You aren't responsible for solving her problems. Counseling might help you find a way to maintain a relationship without so much misery.