Dear Annie:

My daughter allows her 8-year-old son to stay up late at night, watch adult TV and eat lots of sweets. She strongly resents any suggestion that this is not a good thing.

The 15-year-old son spends a vast amount of time text messaging, listening to music or watching TV. His conversational skills are poor and his grades are not good. On several occasions, money has disappeared from purses when the boys were present, and I am terrified to think what the money is purchasing.

If I try to talk to my daughter, I risk being excluded from her life. But if things don't improve, her family will fall apart. What can I do? － Troubled Grandma

Dear Grandma:

Your daughter's parenting skills could use some improvement, and yes, it's possible those kids will grow up to be overweight, undereducated crooks, but she needs to see it for herself. Your daughter knows you disapprove of the way she is raising her children, and that could be part of the problem. Frankly, the sons' recreational and food habits are not uncommon, and we wouldn't go overboard with disapproval. Stealing and poor grades are of greater concern. Stop criticizing your daughter, and when the grandchildren are in your house, set reasonable rules and enforce them. Modeling good parenting is the best you can do.