艾伦脱口秀第84期:欲火焚身（打印版）

　　It's the best way I can describe it.It's on tonight. And if you haven't been watching, 这是我能想到的最贴切的形容了今晚就会播如果你还没看过

　　And you're like, "I can't watch it now,Because I didn't watch in the beginning." 别说"我现在没法看因为我没从头开始看"之类的

　　I'll catch you up on everything that happened so far. 我能告诉你目前为止节目中都发生了些什么

　　Chris is dead sexy.His smile, oh,It's like panty dropper. 克里斯性感爆了他的微笑简直是让人欲火焚身

　　I want to hang it up for you today.I'm in Illinois actually. so pretty close to you. 为了你我今天要戴着这个我在伊利诺斯州跟你很近耶

　　Oh my goodness. Okay.Bring on the weirdoes.I remmed my head into the brick wall. 天啊什么稀奇古怪的人都来了我都抓狂得撞墙了

　　Can I ask you a quick question? - Absolutely. 能问个小问题吗 -当然

　　Do you inseminate hogs?Do you believe in aliens? 你捐精子吗你相信有外星人吗

　　And we see like a body come in And we were screaming and it's Chris. 我们看见了一个人影然后就各种乱叫结果发现是克里斯

　　Don't be weirded out.I'm only kind of a stalker.Don't use that. 别太吃惊我只是个跟踪者别把这个播出去

　　When Ashley told me that she was a virgin, 当阿什利告诉我她是个处女的时候

　　I was like Seriously?Like- I'm so jealous. 我就想真的假的我好嫉妒啊

　　Like, I can't even use that, cause I have a kid. 因为我孩子我不能用处女这个词

　　She was drunk tonight. She was drunk yesterday. 她昨天就喝得烂醉今天晚上又醉了

　　She was drunk the day before. She's gonna be drunk tomorrow. 她前天也是一样她明天肯定还会去买醉

　　I don't know how. I don't know.Oh my god. 我真的不知道该怎么办我的天啊