欧美人文风情第77篇:写本专属自己的使用手册（在线收听） |
When I was younger I had this feeling that there was this handbook that I'd never gotten that explained how to be, 在我年纪比较小的时候，我有这个感觉，有这本我从未得到过的手册，解释了怎么做、 how to laugh, what to wear, how to stand by yourself in a hallway. 怎么笑、穿什么、怎么独自站在走廊上。
Everyone else looks so natural, like, they'd all practiced together and knew exactly what to do, 其他所有人看起来好自然，就好像他们全都一起练习过，且确切知道要做些什么，
even just the way that they'd push the hair out of their face. 即使只是他们将头发从脸上拨开的方式。
My experience was pretty much the opposite: I was conscious of how I sat and how I smiled. 我的经验是几乎相反的：我知道我要怎么坐、我要怎么笑。
But when I was alone with another person, I had no idea what to do or what to say. 但当我单独和另一人相处时，我完全不知道要做什么或要说什么。
I could just feel myself panic. It sucked. 我会就感受到自己惊慌失措。那糟透了。
I'd imagine what people were like when I wasn't around: how they'd compare notes on how I didn't quite fit. 我会想像人们在我不在时会像怎样：对于我不太融入一事他们会怎么交换意见。
Or even worse, maybe they just wouldn't notice. 或甚至更糟，也许他们就是没有注意到。
So I tried to pick up the patterns. I wore what they wore, and said what they said. 所以我试着去学习那些模式。我穿他们穿的衣服、说他们说的话。
I even wrote "smile more" on a sticky note. And over time it sort of worked in a way. 我甚至在便利贴上写“多笑一点”。随着时间过去，在某种意义上有点行得通。
I made a version of me that fit in, whatever that means. 我创造出了一个可以融入的版本的我，不管那代表什么。
But as I grew older, the patterns kept changing. And I took so much effort to keep learning them. 但当我年长一点，模式不断改变。我做了好多努力去持续学习它们。
And I was still stuck with the problem that I started with: being terrified at the moment when my tricks stop working. 而我还是卡在我一开始的问题：在我的伎俩行不通的那一刻感到恐惧。
I think it took me too long to learn something. That even though there is a thing called fitting in, 我想我花了太长一段时间去学某件事。即使有一件事叫做融入，
that is something that you can learn and practice. 那也是一件你可以学习并练习的事。
Those pages are so thin compared to who you are. 那些书页跟你是谁比起来非常浅薄。
That the way to become natural, like I wanted to be so badly, 要变得自然的方式，就像我深切想要成为的样子，
is by forgetting what you're trying to beat other people. 就是要透过忘记那些你试着要打败其他人的事。
If there is a handbook, you probably get to write it yourself. 如果有本手册，你也许要自己编写。
|
| 原文地址：http://www.tingroom.com/lesson/omrwfq/465505.html |