Stop naming your children Michael! It is an indisputable fact that there are a fuck ton of Michaels out there 不要再把你的小孩取名 Michael 了!外头有一拖拉库 Michael 是个不争的事实

over four million in the U.S. alone. That's a lot of Michaels!  光美国就有超过四百万个。那可是很多 Michael!

That's more than all the Zacs, Pats, Grants, and Siobhans combined. 那比 Zac、Pat、Grant 还有 Siobhan 这些名字全加起来还多。

Or to think of it another way, if you took all the Mikes in the U.S. and lined them up end to end,  或这样想，如果你找出美国所有 Mike 然后把他们排一排，

they would stretch from New York City to Rome, and most of them would drown. 这些 Mike 会从纽约延伸到罗马，大部分会淹死。

Now, you may be wondering if there's really that many Mikes. Well, all you have to do is look in your phone.  现在，你可能在想是不是真的有那么多 Mike。这个嘛，你只需要看看你的手机。

Go ahead! Look. I'll wait. Can you believe how many Mikes there are?!  快啊!看一下。我等你。你能相信里面有多少Mike吗？!

And how many old contacts you have that you should delete? It's crazy. 还有你有多少应该要删除的过时联络人？这真是疯了。

Now you may be thinking, Who cares? I'm still gonna name my kid Mike. And here's the thing: No, you're not. 现在你可能在想，谁在乎啊？我还是要叫我小孩 Mike。是这样的：不，你不会。

There are so many Michaels that no one will ever call them that.  有太多 Michael 了，所以永远不会有人真的那样叫他们。

When you name your kid Michael, you're really naming him "Mikey B." or "Fat Mike" or whatever your last name happens to be. 当你替小孩取 Michael 这个名字，你其实是在替他取名为“Mikey B.”或“胖 Mike”或任何你家的姓。

Hey, Trapp! 嘿 Trapp!

Hey! There are so many Michaels that there are already two incredibly famous Michael Jordans,  嘿!Michael 多到已经有两个超级有名的 Michael Jordan，

and two famous Michael Foxes... and two famous Mike Myerses... And look at this! All these actors are in Boardwalk Empire.  还有两个出名的 Michael Fox……跟两个有名的 Mike Myers…… 看看这个!这些演员都是《海滨帝国》里的。

They're all Mikes! Every last one of them! A Mike! And in case people weren't enough,  他们通通是 Mike!每一个!Mike!假如人名不够多，

it's also the name of a John Travolta movie, a national craft store chain, and a hard lemonade.  这还是约翰·屈伏塔演的一部电影、一家全国连锁手工艺材料行，还有柠檬酒精饮料的名字。

So clearly there are too many Mikes. And we've been making this mistake for ages.  所以显然有太多 Mike。而且我们已经犯这个错很久了。

It was the number one male name from 1954 to 1998, and it's still in the top three. 这是 1954 年到 1998 年最受欢迎的男性名字，而且它现在还在前三名。

The only other things from the 1950s that are still that popular are rock 'n' roll, The Tonight Show, and racism.  其它从 1950 年代红到现在的东西只有摇滚乐、《今夜秀》还有种族歧视。

And I'm not sure about the first two. So this year, let's put an end to the madness. Let's make 2016 the year of No New Mikes.  前两个还红不红我也不太确定。所以今年，让我们替这种疯狂现象画下句点吧。让我们把 2016 年变成“没有人再叫 Mike”的一年。

You can name your child anything you want—Jeremy or Apple, or even Nichael, which is different,  你可以替小孩取任何你想要的名字——Jeremy 或 Apple，甚至是 Nichael，那和 Michael 不同，

but it sounds very similar... anything except Mike. I thank you, and the following people thank you. 但听起来很像……任何名字，除了 Mike 外。我感谢你，以下的人感谢你。

That's a lot. A lot of Mikes...! 也太多。超级多 Mike……!