You know, I get so many letters from people asking me, "How do I win one of these?" 你知道，我收到许多大家寄来的信，问我：「我要怎么得到一座小金人？」

And...well, first thing you have to do is get a job as a waiter. 而...这个嘛，首先你要做的就是找到一份端盘子的工作。

Mozzarella sticks and your side of donut holes. 马芝拉起司条还有您的附餐甜甜圈球。

Don't mind if I dip... Thank you. Next you have to go to a lot of auditions. 不介意我沾一下吧... 谢谢。接着你得去参加一堆试镜。

I don't care how allergic you are, Senator. There's no law that says that a dog can't be president. 我不管你过敏有多严重，参议员。并没有哪条法律说狗不能当总统。

That's actually...true. And finally, when you do get the role, you have to act your little heart out. 那倒是...真的。最后，当你真的拿到角色时，你得使尽全力演出。

Don't you die on me, soldier! That's an order! 不准你在我面前死掉，士兵!那是命令!

And if all goes well, the Oscar goes to you! 如果一切顺利的话，奥斯卡奖杯就会落入你的口袋!

I would like to thank my shaman, Morita. Don't forget to thank your mother. 我要谢谢启蒙我的智者，Morita。别忘了感谢你的母亲。

Oh, yeah. Uh, thanks, Mom. And... 喔，对。呃，谢啦老妈。还有...

Also, keep it short. I have things to do, so— 另外，长话短说。我有些事要做，所以－－

And thank you to the Academy. 还有谢谢影艺学院。

Now, it's just that simple. The Oscars. 现在，就是那么简单。奥斯卡金像奖。

Where are you going with...? The Oscars That's not yours. Live February 26 on ABC That's not yours! 你要带着那去哪...？奥斯卡金像奖。那不是你的。二月二十六日于 ABC 电视台现场直播那不是你的!