Let me put this in a way you'll understand, Penny. 佩妮，让我换个你能听明白的方式解释吧

You remember how you explained to me that the Kardashians aren't real celebrities? 还记得你是怎么给我解释卡戴珊姐妹算不上是真正的名人吗?

Well, geology is the Kardashians of science. 那么地质学就等于科学界的卡戴珊姐妹

Have you considered studying standard model physics? 你有考虑过研究标准模型理论吗?

You want me to give up string theory for something that's less advanced? 你想让我放弃弦理论而去投身研究一些相对落后的理论?

You know, why don't you break up with Penny and start dating a brown bear? 那你怎么不和佩妮分手而去和一只棕熊约会?

Like you could get a brown bear. 说得好像你真能泡到一只棕熊似得

Hey, I've got a good job. I could buy salmon. You don't know. 我有一份很不错的工作，我可以买三文鱼，你怎么知道泡不到

Maybe you could make your new field of study the calculation of nuclear matrix elements. Oh, please. If I wanted to take up a fad, I'd get a tramp stamp. 或许你可以把计算核矩阵元素作为新的研究领域。拜托，如果我要追潮流，我就会在后腰上弄个纹身了

What about loop quantum gravity? 那圈量子引力理论怎么样?

Oh, Duchess, look at me. My quantum gravity's positively loopy. 公爵夫人，请看看我，我的量子引力理论绝对是多圈的（loopy也指呆头呆脑的）

Who's the duchess? 公爵夫人是谁?

One of the people that lives in his head. 众多住在他脑里的虚构人物之一

I hope he's this distraught if he ever breaks up with me. 我希望他要是和我分手的时候能像现在如此的心烦气躁

Well, if he does, I'll see if my bear has a friend. 如果他真这样，我会看看我的熊女友有朋友能介绍给他

Sheldon, have you ever considered not rushing into something new? I mean, why don't you take your time, enjoy your freedom? 谢尔顿，你有没有考虑过不要急着展开新的研究?我是说你为什么不放慢脚步，享受下现在自由自在的感觉呢?

Maybe something new to study will find you. 或许新的研究就会找上门

That's actually not bad advice. 这注意倒不错

You know, I didn't seek out string theory. 其实我也不是生下来就是要研究弦理论的

It just hit me over the head one day. 只是在某天突然萌生了这个想法

How does that happen? 你是怎么萌生出这个想法的?

A bully chased me through the school library and hit me over the head with the biggest book he could find. 一个恶霸在学校图书馆追我并用他能找到的最大的书砸在我的头上

Okay, how about we toast your newfound freedom? 为你重获自由而干杯怎么样?

Ah, normally I refrain from alcohol, but since my cerebral cortex is twiddling its proverbial thumbs, 一般情况我都不碰酒精，但既然我的大脑皮层在做艰难的抉择

why not soak it in grape juice that's been predigested by a fungus? 那就干脆让它泡在葡萄汁里好了，那葡萄汁是被真菌消化过的吧?

And you wonder why other children beat you with books. Cheers! 你还诧异为什么别的孩子会用书砸你。干杯!

Emily, what do you do? 艾米丽，你是做什么工作的?

I'm a dermatology resident at Huntington Hospital. 我是亨廷顿医院的住院皮肤科医生

Mmm, and you know what that means. 你知道那意味着什么

Someone's skin's about to be softer than ever. 某人的肌肤将要比以往都要柔软

This is making me crazy. 这实在让我抓狂

I know I know you from somewhere. 我知道我在哪里见过你

Oh, uh, Howard was an astronaut. 霍华德之前是个宇航员

Maybe that's where you saw him. Wow! That's amazing. 或许这就是你说在哪见过他。太棒了

What was that like? It was the most incredible experience of my life. 当宇航员的感觉是怎么样?那是我一生中最棒的经历

Up there in the space station, you're... Oh, my God, I remember. 在太空站里，你是...我的天，我想起来了

Can I finish my astronaut story? 我能先说完我的宇航员故事吗?

It was four years ago. Please don't say it. We were set up on a blind date. Please don't say it. You came to my apartment. You're saying it. 是四年前。拜托别说了，我们被安排相亲。拜托别说了，你来我的公寓。你还在说

Well, wh-what happened? Yeah, what happened? Okay, I'll say it. 发生什么事了?是呀，发生什么事了?好吧，我来说吧

I was on the way to pick her up. 我在去接她的路上

My stomach felt a little funny. When I got there, I asked if I could use her bathroom. 感觉胃有点不舒服，当我去到她的公寓时，我问能不能用一下她家的厕所

Please don't say it. 拜托别说了

One roll of toilet paper and 20 minutes later, I was so humiliated, I snuck out the window and never saw her again. 过了20分钟后我把整卷厕纸都用完了，我感到羞愧无比，我从厕所的窗门翻了出去，后来就再也没见过她了

You know what else I never saw again? my security deposit. 你知道还有什么我再也没见过吗？我的保证金

I'm sorry. I tried to unclog it, but you didn't have a plunger, and water was spilling out everywhere. Right, just water. 我很抱歉，我想要试着疏通马桶，但当时没有马桶疏通器而且水溅的到处都是。是啊，只是"水"

Look, I have felt terrible about this for years, and I'm glad I have the opportunity to tell you just how sorry I am. 听着，四年来我一直为此感到无比内疚，我很高兴今天终于有机会亲口告诉你我有多抱歉

It's fine. All my friends love this story. 过去了就算了。反正我所有朋友都喜欢听这个故事

They call you Clogzilla. 他们都叫你，"堵斯拉"。

Get it? Because you clogged up her bathroom like a radioactive monster! 听懂了吗?说你像个放射性的怪兽那样堵塞了她家的厕所

Yeah, yeah, I get it. Howie. Well, hey, it's not like cotton candy comes out of you. 我听得懂，华仔，拜托，拉的不是你，你不会懂的

Come on, let's get you to bed. You've had a lot to drink. 来吧，让我扶你到床上，你喝多了

No more than Penny. That's what I'm saying. 不比佩妮多，这就是我要说的

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Empty room. Empty room. Empty room. 等等，等等，等等，等等，等等。空房。空房。空房

If somebody says "Come in," I'm gonna freak out. 如果有人说"进来"，我会吓坏的

So, Emily, why did you decide to specialize in dermatology? 艾米丽，你为什么决定学皮肤学这个专业?

I like cutting people with knives, and all the other jobs where you get to do that are illegal. 我喜欢用刀切人，要是换别的工作，都算违法

You're kidding, right? 你在说笑，对吧?

She's scary, but it's a cute scary. 她挺吓人，但是那种可爱的吓人

Can I say just one more thing? 我能再说一句不?

I had some kind of food poisoning that day. Sure, in retrospect, gas station sushi... maybe not the best choice. 我那天有点食物中毒，当然现在回想起来，加油站买寿司吃，实在不是明智之选

Nor was climbing out your window and running away. 当然爬窗而逃也算不上明智

But I think we can all understand how humiliating that was, and I'd really appreciate it if we could move on. 但我想我们都知道当时有多尴尬了，我真心希望我们就别揪着不放了

Howie, we moved on a long time ago. I'm just saying...We moved on. Okay. Fine. 华仔，我们已经没在聊了，我就是想说...不聊了。好吧

How's your soup? Ah, it's all right. They could've filled the bowl a little more. 汤味道如何?还行，可以再装得"满"一点

Excuse me. Where are you going? I need some fresh air. Been there. 不好意思。你要去那?我出去透透气。场景重现啊

Oh, no. What have I done? 不是吧，我都做了些什么?

How you feeling? 你还好吗?

Not so good. 不太好

Are you gonna introduce me to your friend? 你怀里的朋友，不介绍一下?

It's not my friend. 它不是我的朋友

Nothing happened. 啥事也没发生

I don't know. I heard you reading pretty loud last night. 不好说哦，昨晚我听你读得好大声啊

Oh, dear Lord. Where's Amy? 天哪，艾米在哪?

After she put you to bed, she went home. 她把你在床上安顿好后，就回去了

I should call her and apologize. 我应该打电话给她道声歉

Oh, no. What? Apparently, I called Stephen Hawking last night. 不是吧，怎么了?看来，昨晚我给霍金打过电话了

First new message. Hawkman! 第一条留言。霍哥!

It's your old buddy Sheldonoscopy! 我是你的老朋友，谢耳弟!

How come you didn't pick up the phone?! Oh, right. My bad. 你怎么不接电话啊?!哦对，当我没问

You're awful quiet. Everything okay? 你安静得吓人，还好吗?

Not really. I had a bit of an embarrassing evening. 不好，我度过了一个尴尬的晚上

Ugh. Me, too. What happened? 我也是，你怎么了?

I drank alcohol and may have left an unfortunate voice mail for Stephen Hawking. 我喝了点酒，可能给霍金留了一条不适宜的电话留言

I wouldn't worry about it. He's got a pretty good sense of humor. Oh, I hope so. 要我就不担心这个，他是开得起玩笑的人。但愿是吧

What happened to you last night? 你昨晚怎么了?

Oh, well, turns out I'd already met the girl Raj is seeing when I did a number on her bathroom. 昨晚发现，拉杰在约会的那个女孩我认识，而且我还在她厕上过一号

And that number was two. 还是个大号

Well, you know, I've always been a fan of a story told by Attar of Nishapur, 我一直很喜欢苏非诗人Attar of Nishapu讲的一个故事

about a king who assembled a group of wise men to create a ring that would make him happy when he was sad. 一位国王召集了一些贤士，打造一枚戒指，伤心的时候，这枚戒指能使他心情愉悦

And that ring was inscribed with the phrase, "This too shall pass." 最后打造的那枚戒指刻着一行字:一切都会过去的

Hey, Cooper! Oh, my God. 你好，库珀!我的天

I heard you drunk-dialed Stephen Hawking last night? Classic! 听说你昨晚醉酒给霍金打电话啦?屌啊!

Get out of here, Barry. 给我走开，巴里

Whatever you say... Clogzilla. 听你的，"堵斯拉"

Clogzilla. That's pretty funny. "堵斯拉"挺逗的

I don't think that's gonna pass. 我觉得这事儿和大号一样，都过不去了

Next message. It's me again! 下一条留言。还是我哦!

I gave up string theory. 我放弃弦理论了

You should give up black holes, and we can totally solve crimes together! 你也应该放弃黑洞研究，我们可以携手破案啊!

Next message. Do you know what's great?! Geology. Oh! 下一条留言。你知道什么东西很牛么?!地质学啊

Look at this geode! 瞧瞧这个晶洞!

That's fun to say! Gee... ode! Gee... ode! 念起来多好玩!晶...洞!晶...洞!

Next message. Gee... ode! Gee... ode! 下一条留言。晶...洞!晶...洞!

I kiss girls now. 现在我也跟姑娘打啵哦

Next message. Hey, guess who I am! 下一条留言，猜猜我是谁!

Beep bop boop bop! I'm you! Get it?! 哔啵哔啵!我在模仿你!听出来了吗?!

Next message. Are you mad at me? 下一条留言，你在生我气吗?

Oh, no, you're mad at me. 不是吧，你在生我气

I'm so sorry! Beep bop boop bop. 对不起!哔啵哔啵

Next message. Thiospinel sulfide. Thiospinel sulfide. 下一条留言，硫硼尖晶硫化物，硫硼尖晶硫化物

That's even more fun than "gee... ode." 读起来比"晶洞"还有趣哎

Hey, did you like The Lego Movie? 对了，你喜欢《乐高大电影》吗?

What a jackass. 真TM混蛋