PBS高端访谈:挥之不去的负面评论（在线收听）

AMNA NAWAZ: So, maybe you just had a performance review or shared something you wrote with a friend. It's likely that whatever feedback you received, the negative comments are what stuck with you. Esme Weijun Wang is an author, most recently of The Collected Schizophrenias. Tonight, she shares her Humble Opinion on why we should make an effort to listen for something else.

阿姆纳·纳瓦兹：或许此时的你刚刚刚做完业绩评价或者刚与一位朋友分享了自己写的东西。很有可能的情况是：无论你收到什么反馈，其中的负面评论都会如影相随地跟着你。埃斯米是一名作家，她最近的一部作品叫做《精神分裂症群》。今晚，她将分享自己的看法，内容有关于我们为什么要认真地接受表扬。

ESME WEIJUN WANG, Author, The Collected Schizophrenias: When I was in the sixth grade, I was known for being an overachiever. For sport, one of my fellow classmates decided to keep a piece of paper taped to her desk. On that sheet, she'd make a tally for every error I made in class. She'd call out, gleefully, drawing attention to whatever it was that I had done wrong. I became sensitive to my mistakes. That sheet of paper on her desk loomed like no accomplishment of mine ever did. To receive a compliment, in many cultures, is to demur. We are taught, particularly if we are women, to brush off a kind word, lest our heads grow too large. And, too, we learn that to focus on our weaknesses means that we will improve, so that come time for company evaluations, our focus is not on the seven pieces of praise, but on the single criticism. For years, I kept my own records of what I had done wrong, and forgot the compliments.

埃斯米，《精神分裂症群》作者：我上六年级的时候，大家都知道我成绩高。为了检验这一点，我的一位同学决定把一张纸贴在自己的桌子上。她会在这张纸上记录我在课堂上所犯的每一个错误。她每次都会开心地喊出声来，让大家都知道我做错了什么事情。于是，我开始变得敏感，不愿再犯错误。而她桌上的那张纸好像在说我一事无成。很多文化都认为，收到赞赏的时候要否认。世人都告诉我们，尤其是告诉我们女性，要杜绝善意的话，不然会变得膨胀。此外，我们的文化要求我们专注于自己需要改进的缺点，因此，在公司评价表现时，我们专注的不会是多达7条的赞扬，而是死盯着唯一的一条负面评价。多年来，我一直都有记录自己做错事的习惯，一直忘记了别人对我的赞扬。

I received thoughtful notes and e-mails, but never let them stick, that is, until a friend suggested that I begin to keep a folder of the kind words said to me. In went the best parts of my book reviews, the sweetest lines from people who love me. Now, years later, I have pages and pages of text messages and e-mails and tweets, because the world can be a brutal place. We can be unrelentingly hard to ourselves, and under such circumstances, it's a shame to not let the world's light stick to us when we have the chance. In my humble opinion, it is not enough to absentmindedly nod when someone says, for example, that the mix C.D. we made them kept them company in the winter of their bereavement, or when your student tells you that they had never loved poetry before your English class. Write these things down. Keep a record. Stitch them together, and let them keep you warm.

我会收到贴心的便签和邮件，但我不会去管。这种情况一直持续着，直到有一天，一位朋友建议我把收到的表扬也放在文件夹里。我书评中最佳的部分是爱我的人们对我说的窝心话。如今，离开学校多年，我会保留短消息、邮件和推特消息，因为这个世界会有残酷的一面。我们要一直对自己严格一些，因为在这种情况下，但凡有机会，都要记录世界对我们温柔的一面。以我之拙见，别人赞扬我们时，我们不要毫无感情地点头。比如，别人说我们合成的CD在他们失去亲人的岁月里一直陪伴着他们。比如，你的学生跟你说他们上你的英文课，虽然他们不喜欢在课前读诗。把这些事情都写下来做个记录吧，这样串在一起会让我们感到温暖。