读者文摘:帮助一个悲伤的朋友(3)（在线收听）

You might also be tempted to make statements about the past or the future when your friend's present life holds so much pain.

在你的朋友当下的生活很痛苦时，你可能会忍不住谈论过去或未来。

But you can't know what the future will be—it may or may not be better "later." Omniscient platitudes aren't helpful.

但是你不知道未来会是什么样子-它可能会变得更好，也可能不会。全知式的陈词滥调没什么帮助。

Stick with the truth: This hurts. I love you. I'm here.

坚持真相：这很伤人。我爱你。我在这里陪你。

Keep in mind that being with someone who is in pain isn't easy.

记住，和一个痛苦的人待在一块并不容易。

Your friend cannot show up for their part of the relationship very well, and you will likely get hurt.

你的朋友不能很好地付出，你可能会受到伤害。

Don't take it personally, and please don't take it out on them.

不要往心里去，也不要把气出在他们身上。

In fact, one of the best things you can do for a grieving friend is anticipate their needs.

事实上，你能为处于悲伤的朋友做的最好的事情之一就是预见他们的需求。

Don't say, "Call me if there's anything I can do," because your friend will not call.

不要说，“如果有需要的话就和我打电话。”因为你的朋友这样不会打电话。

Identifying a need, figuring out who might fill that need, and then making a phone call to ask is light-years beyond your grieving friend's energy level, capacity, or interest.

确定一个需求，想出谁可以填补这个需求，然后给朋友打电话，这远远超出了你悲伤的朋友的能量水平、能力或兴趣。

Instead, make concrete offers: "I will stop by each morning on my way to work and take the dog for a quick walk." Then show up and do it.

相反，你应该提出一些具体的建议：“我每天早上上班的路上都会顺便带狗狗出去散个步。”然后就去做吧。

Of course, the real work of grieving is not something you can do for your friend, but you can lessen the burden of everyday life.

当然，你不能代替你的朋友悲伤，但是你可以减轻其日常生活的负担。

Assist in small, ordinary ways, such as refilling prescriptions, taking in the mail, or shoveling snow. These tasks are tangible evidence of love.

在小的，普通的方面提供帮助，比如帮忙买药，帮收邮件，或者铲雪。这些行动是爱的有形证据。

You can also shield your friend by setting yourself up as the designated point person—the one who relays information to the outside world or organizes well-wishers.

你也可以把自己设定为指定的联络人——向外界传递信息或组织祝福的人——来保护你的朋友。

If your friendship is close enough, you could even offer to tackle projects together.

如果你们的友谊足够亲密，你们甚至可以提出一起处理项目。

There will likely be plenty of difficult tasks that need tending to—things like choosing a casket, mortuary visits, sorting through and packing up a lifetime of belongings.

可能会有很多困难的任务需要处理——比如帮助挑选骨灰盒，寻找太平间，整理和收拾逝者的东西。

Then be sure to follow through on your offers to help. Above all, show your love. Say something. Do something.

然后一定要坚持你提供的帮助。最重要的是，表达你的爱。说点什么。做点什么。

Be willing to stand beside the gaping hole that has opened in your friend's life without flinching or turning away.

要心甘情愿地站在朋友生命中打开的空洞旁边，不要退缩，也不要转身离开。

Listen. Be there. Be love. Love is the only thing that lasts.

倾听。陪伴。友爱。爱是唯一持续的东西。