英国卫报：中国,我想回来!(8)（在线收听）

After I interviewed my family, I stayed in China for a month to travel around by myself for the first time.

在采访完家人之后我又在中国呆了一个月，开启了我的第一次独自旅行。

I'd gone sightseeing in the past – to the Three Gorges, to Yellow Mountain, Mount Emei, Jiuzhaigou, Xi'an – but always with family who had planned everything, bought the tickets and figured out the routes.

以前我也在中国旅行过——去过三峡、黄山、峨眉山、九寨沟、西安——不过这些旅行都是和家人一起去的，和家人一起计划好一切，买好票，定好路线。

As an adult, I had travelled alone in several foreign countries in which I'd felt confident figuring things out independently, but I still felt a sense of unease in China, like a child who doesn't know how to take the train by herself – and this was the feeling I wanted to overcome.

作为一个成年人，我曾独自在几个国家旅行过，在那些地方我对独立解决问题很有信心，然而在中国我有不安的感觉，就像一个孩子不知道该如何独自坐火车，这是我想要克服的感觉。

I welcomed in the new year with a friend in Nanjing. Alone, I travelled through Hangzhou and Suzhou.

我和一个朋友在南京一起迎接新年。我独自一人游历了杭州和苏州。

These days, the logistical hurdles for a tourist visiting China are complex and ever-changing.

如今来中国旅行后勤障碍非常复杂，而且一直在变。

For one, everyone uses Alipay. If you have Alipay, the whole world of modern China is spread out at your feet: train tickets, taxis, bike shares, late-night food delivery.

首先大家都在使用支付宝。如果你有支付宝，现代中国的整个世界就在你的脚下：火车票、出租车、共享单车、深夜送餐。

But it's very difficult to register for Alipay as a mere tourist, and it's getting harder and harder to use cash.

但是，仅以游客身份注册支付宝非常困难，使用现金也越来越难。

I had to get around this difficulty by using my mother's smartphone, which is linked to her Alipay account.

为了解决这个问题，我只能用我妈妈的智能手机，因为妈妈的智能手机绑定了她的支付宝账户。

Because it was her identity, with her name listed, and not mine, I couldn't use the account to buy train tickets, which have names printed.

然而因为上面是她的身份证信息，写着她的名字而不是我的，所以我不能用妈妈的支付宝账户买印有名字的火车票。

At the station, I had to line up at a separate window to get my paper tickets, instead of just scanning a code with my phone. I was acutely aware of how outside the system I was.

我只能在车站的独立窗口排队买纸质火车票，而不是用手机扫码。我敏锐地意识到自己脱离体制已经脱离得很遥远了。

Once, a friend asked me: "How good are you at passing?" – that is, passing as Chinese-Chinese, not Chinese American.

有一次一个朋友问我：“你来中国容易吗？”——也就是说，要把自己当成华人而不是华裔美国人。

I wanted to pass, but like the many Asian Americans who, like me, have tried to go back to the motherland and find a place there, I could never "pass" for long.

我想进来，然而有很多像我一样的亚裔美国人想要回到祖国，在那里找到归属之地，而我“进来”的时间永远不会很长。

The China I know the best is my grandparents' China.

我最了解的中国是爷爷奶奶的中国，

It's an old China, with rusty bicycles and motorcycle fumes, sweaty street vendors and dusty convenience stores where, as children, we took ice-cream from the coolers.

那是一个古老的中国，有生锈的自行车和摩托车尾气，有汗流浃背的街头小贩和尘土飞扬的便利店，小的时候我们会从便利店的冷藏箱里拿雪糕吃。

Trains were slow, and everything could be haggled over. While travelling around by myself as an adult in the new China, I couldn't escape the feeling that much of what I was experiencing was a novelty.

火车很慢，什么都可以讲价。作为一个成年人，在新中国独自旅行时我无法逃避一种感觉，我感觉自己所经历的很多事情都是很新奇。

I paid for groceries via QR code. In Hangzhou, I ordered by pointing at the food other people were eating.

我要通过二维码付款；在杭州我要用手指着别人吃的食物点餐。

I was reminded that, despite my family connection, China was a separate world to me, and I was a tourist like so many other expats in the country.

这提醒着我尽管我和中国的家人有联系，但中国对我来说是一个独立的世界，我和许多在中国的外国人一样只是一名游客。