父母与青少年沟通解码

Breaking the Code for Better Parent-Teen Communication

父母与青少年沟通解码

 

Hilary Frankel and her friend, Lara Fox, spent a year trying to discover the keys to understanding between their parents and their peers. The two teens summarized what they found in a book titled, Breaking the Code.

 

Appearing on ABC television, Hilary and Lara said their book lays out what teens really hear when their parents speak to them. For example, Lara says, when a kid gets a bad grade on an exam and the parent says, 'Look on the bright side, some other kids did much worse,' the teenager hears:

 

Lara: Stop overreacting! It's not important! It might not be that important, but that concept doesn't help them feel better, it just bothers them. They are upset and want to be left alone.

 

And, says Hilary, they don't want to hear their parents talk about their teenage experiences.

 

Hilary: Because it was so different back then. It feels like it was a million years ago!

 

'You may not appreciate what I'm saying now, but you'll be thankful later on,' is another common parental¹ statement with a different meaning for kids.

 

Hilary: You aren't mature enough to understand, and I don't have time to explain it right now. Forget about it.

 

Before giving advice, Lara says, parents need to understand that their good intentions are not enough. Prefacing a conversation with a few words, she explains, can help open teenagers' ears and minds.

 

Lara: So if you say to your teen, 'I know you know this already, but just hear me out; I feel the need to say it; it makes me feel better,' Your teen will humor you and listen to you.

 

Lara and Hilary say parents expect teenagers to be respectful, and that's also what teenagers expect from their parents.

 

Hilary: You have to show us that respect, because otherwise we're just going to shut you out. You know really, show that they are not kids anymore, but they aren't adults and you still need to talk openly and honestly.

 

Lara: Also, don't barge² into their rooms. Ask them,' Can we talk about something in 20 minutes, or after your favorite show is done?'

 

Respect is one of the most important building blocks not only for a constructive³ conversation, but also for a healthy relationship between parents and teens, according to Shaw Covey, the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens, says one way parents can show support for their kids is by not comparing them to others.

 

Covey: Never, as a parent, compare a kid to a sibling⁴ or a neighbor's kid simply because it communicates a lack of worth. It shows a kind of conditional⁵ love. I think we all struggle with it. I'm a parent and it's hard not to do. The most important thing is just to communicate self worth, 'whether you are number one in your class or not, I love you and you are an important person.'

 

Mr. Covey says despite all the influences in a teenager's life, parents can still affect their teens through the way they communicate with them.

 

Covey: The way you teach the teen is not by preaching at them, but share stories about success. They learn from stories, it works with them.

 

Mr. Covey says people are not born with good parenting skills, but they can acquire them and learn how to talk with their children as they grow. And with a little advice from teens like Lara Fox and Hilary Frankel, unlocking the secrets to better parent-child communication is a bit easier.

 

I’m Faith Lapidus.

 

注释：

summarize [5sQmEraiz] v. 概述

experience [iks5piEriEns] n. 经历

appreciate [E5pri:Fieit] vt. 赏识

intention [in5tenFEn] n. 意图

honestly [5Rnistli] adv. 真诚地

sibling [5sibliN] n. 同胞

preach [pri:tF] v. 传道

1 parental   

adj.父母的；父的；母的

参考例句：

• He encourages parental involvement in the running of school.他鼓励学生家长参与学校的管理。
• Children always revolt against parental disciplines.孩子们总是反抗父母的管束。

2 barge   

n.平底载货船，驳船

参考例句：

• The barge was loaded up with coal.那艘驳船装上了煤。
• Carrying goods by train costs nearly three times more than carrying them by barge.通过铁路运货的成本比驳船运货成本高出近3倍。

3 constructive   

adj.建设的，建设性的

参考例句：

• We welcome constructive criticism.我们乐意接受有建设性的批评。
• He is beginning to deal with his anger in a constructive way.他开始用建设性的方法处理自己的怒气。

4 sibling   

n.同胞手足(指兄、弟、姐或妹)

参考例句：

• Many of us hate living in the shadows of a more successful sibling.我们很多人都讨厌活在更为成功的手足的阴影下。
• Sibling ravalry has been common in this family.这个家里，兄弟姊妹之间的矛盾很平常。

5 conditional   

adj.条件的，带有条件的

参考例句：

• My agreement is conditional on your help.你肯帮助我才同意。
• There are two forms of most-favored-nation treatment:conditional and unconditional.最惠国待遇有两种形式:有条件的和无条件的。