美国国家公共电台 NPR--Jon Ward says writing about the evangelical movement released bottled up emotions

Jon Ward¹ says writing about the evangelical movement released bottled up emotions

Transcript²

NPR's Rachel Martin talks to Jon Ward, Yahoo News chief national correspondent, about his memoir³: Testimony⁴, which details his upbringing in, and break from, an influential⁵ evangelical church.

LEILA FADEL, HOST:

Being an evangelical Christian⁶ in America today is both a religious and a political identity. Jon Ward grew up in that world, then broke away.

RACHEL MARTIN, BYLINE⁷: How's it feel to have this out in the world?

JON WARD: It's a little scary.

FADEL: Our colleague Rachel Martin spoke⁸ with the Yahoo News chief national correspondent about his memoir out today.

MARTIN: When you read this book, you kind of can't ignore the emotional pain that comes through these pages. What was the process like for you to get into the right headspace?

WARD: It was cathartic⁹, actually. There was a lot of emotion bottled up that I think was released in the process of writing it. I think it's just scary to make myself so vulnerable in a public way like this.

MARTIN: You are well-equipped to tell this story because it was also your own life. Can you describe the church and the congregation you grew up in?

WARD: My dad grew up Catholic. My mom grew up Presbyterian. They were both caught up in something called the Jesus movement or the Jesus revolution. And it was a national dynamic. A lot of people were looking for something fresh and new in religion, and I think they were also disenchanted with the way the country had gone during the late 60s. The style was kind of a rock 'n' roll worship service with a full band, drums, electric guitar and all that, and then some dynamic preaching. And my dad was one of the leaders of this group that was meeting. His high school best friend, C.J. Mahaney, was one of the top leaders.

MARTIN: So where did your faith move from there?

WARD: I've been in college for two years, and I've started to experiment with the really crazy lifestyle of occasionally having a beer.

MARTIN: Because that was not allowed, even though you were of age, right?

WARD: Yeah. It's hard, probably, to convey how pervasive¹⁰ and intense the fear of stepping outside of the lines is and the very real fear that there would be some very dire¹¹ consequence for doing the wrong thing, which I think ultimately is embodied¹² in the fear of hell. I went all in on church, cut off all my relationships with friends who were not on the same page as that and spent all my time going to church.

MARTIN: So when you were really committing your life to the church and to your identity as a Christian, how did that jibe¹³ with the rest of your life? I mean, you were a single guy. What was it like dating?

WARD: You've opened up a whole can of worms by asking about - I mean, when it comes to my professional life, it's, in retrospect¹⁴, just hilarious¹⁵ how little I knew coming out of that world. I was very, very ignorant. A lot of us young men started, at the encouragement of some of the pastors¹⁷ or leaders, having these meetings where we would talk about how often we had looked at pornography and even greater detail about our terrible sins on the internet.

MARTIN: Because you had to share all this in a group, right?

WARD: Correct, yeah, sometimes in somebody's kitchen, sometimes at a Starbucks. And I - you know, I write about how I just remember trying to pull my chair as close as possible to the person next to me so that people - we could talk as quietly as possible.

(LAUGHTER)

WARD: And I just was sitting there going, like, why are we doing this in a Starbucks again? But when you're caught up in something, it's hard to pump the brakes a lot of times.

MARTIN: In the book, you describe a self-loathing...

WARD: Yeah.

MARTIN: ...That came over you when it came to sex or any kind of even sexual thought.

WARD: Yeah, led to a huge sense of shame.

MARTIN: The pastor¹⁶ of your family's church was accused of covering up crimes of child sex abuse. By this point, you had already broken with the church.

WARD: Yeah.

MARTIN: Can you tell me what precipitated¹⁸ that?

WARD: By the time the sex abuse cases issue came to a head in 2012, '13, '14, I had been out of that church congregation for about a decade. And really, it was just a case of becoming exhausted¹⁹ from that cycle of failure and atonement.

MARTIN: When Donald Trump²⁰ came along and white evangelicals painted him as some kind of savior, it was completely confounding to most people in the media and Americans who didn't have a connection to the evangelical church. But this did not shock you. Can you explain why?

WARD: There were some Christians²¹, some evangelicals who painted Trump as, you know, God's man. But a lot of the evangelicals that I knew, both personally and sort of as public figures, were of the type that were repulsed²² by Trump and then came to a place of either trying to just sort of ignore politics or, as in the case of my own family, rationalized their way to sort of embracing him. And then once you get into the general election time frame in 2016 and beyond, I think tribal²³ political identities overtake religious identities. And then you're into the presidency²⁴. And Trump was very good at provoking outrage²⁵, which further solidified²⁶ his supporters' attachment²⁷ to him.

MARTIN: So what was that like for you? Because you and your family did not agree on this. And it caused some real divisions.

WARD: What hurt the most was the sense that my integrity as a journalist was being called into question, not by some guy out on the street or on a blog or on Twitter but by my own family.

MARTIN: And this - we should say this is - your reaction was because Donald Trump started calling the media the enemy of the people. And your family didn't understand why that was such an affront²⁸.

WARD: It's hard for me to actually talk about this because it feels not just painful, but my dad - his response to that - I just felt like I was being met with explanations rather than empathy and support. But it did begin back in particular during that time when Trump was using that term with such a horrible history to be used to - as a pretext²⁹ for violence.

MARTIN: That part of the book was so hard to read. It was clear you were still working out so much anger, and you did feel abandoned by him. Do you think - when you say he has heard you, did he, at any point, apologize? Or did you just not press for that?

WARD: I've tried to avoid saying a whole lot about our conversations. You asked the question directly, and I'll answer it. He did apologize for that, you know?

MARTIN: Jon Ward - his new book is called "Testimony: Inside The Evangelical Movement That Failed A Generation." Jon, thank you so much.

WARD: Rachel, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.

(SOUNDBITE OF AVISHAI COHEN'S "REMEMBERING")

1 ward   

n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开

参考例句：

• The hospital has a medical ward and a surgical ward.这家医院有内科病房和外科病房。
• During the evening picnic,I'll carry a torch to ward off the bugs.傍晚野餐时，我要点根火把，抵挡蚊虫。

2 transcript   

n.抄本，誊本，副本，肄业证书

参考例句：

• A transcript of the tapes was presented as evidence in court.一份录音带的文字本作为证据被呈交法庭。
• They wouldn't let me have a transcript of the interview.他们拒绝给我一份采访的文字整理稿。

3 memoir   

n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录

参考例句：

• He has just published a memoir in honour of his captain.他刚刚出了一本传记来纪念他的队长。
• In her memoir,the actress wrote about the bittersweet memories of her first love.在那个女演员的自传中，她写到了自己苦乐掺半的初恋。

4 testimony   

n.证词；见证，证明

参考例句：

• The testimony given by him is dubious.他所作的证据是可疑的。
• He was called in to bear testimony to what the police officer said.他被传入为警官所说的话作证。

5 influential   

adj.有影响的，有权势的

参考例句：

• He always tries to get in with the most influential people.他总是试图巴结最有影响的人物。
• He is a very influential man in the government.他在政府中是个很有影响的人物。

6 Christian   

adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒

参考例句：

• They always addressed each other by their Christian name.他们总是以教名互相称呼。
• His mother is a sincere Christian.他母亲是个虔诚的基督教徒。

7 byline   

n.署名；v.署名

参考例句：

• His byline was absent as well.他的署名也不见了。
• We wish to thank the author of this article which carries no byline.我们要感谢这篇文章的那位没有署名的作者。

8 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

9 cathartic   

adj.宣泄情绪的；n.泻剂

参考例句：

• His laughter was cathartic,an animal yelp that brought tears to his eyes.他哈哈大笑以宣泄情绪，声音如野兽般尖厉，眼泪都笑出来了。
• The drug had a cathartic effect.这药有导泻的作用。

10 pervasive   

adj.普遍的；遍布的，(到处)弥漫的；渗透性的

参考例句：

• It is the most pervasive compound on earth.它是地球上最普遍的化合物。
• The adverse health effects of car exhaust are pervasive and difficult to measure.汽车尾气对人类健康所构成的有害影响是普遍的，并且难以估算。

11 dire   

adj.可怕的，悲惨的，阴惨的，极端的

参考例句：

• There were dire warnings about the dangers of watching too much TV.曾经有人就看电视太多的危害性提出严重警告。
• We were indeed in dire straits.But we pulled through.那时我们的困难真是大极了，但是我们渡过了困难。

12 embodied   

v.表现( embody的过去式和过去分词 )；象征；包括；包含

参考例句：

• a politician who embodied the hopes of black youth 代表黑人青年希望的政治家
• The heroic deeds of him embodied the glorious tradition of the troops. 他的英雄事迹体现了军队的光荣传统。 来自《简明英汉词典》

13 jibe   

v.嘲笑，与...一致，使转向；n.嘲笑，嘲弄

参考例句：

• Perhaps I should withdraw my jibe about hot air.或许我应当收回对热火朝天的嘲笑。
• What he says does not jibe with what others say.他所说的与其他人说的不一致。

14 retrospect   

n.回顾，追溯；v.回顾，回想，追溯

参考例句：

• One's school life seems happier in retrospect than in reality.学校生活回忆起来显得比实际上要快乐。
• In retrospect,it's easy to see why we were wrong.回顾过去就很容易明白我们的错处了。

15 hilarious   

adj.充满笑声的，欢闹的；[反]depressed

参考例句：

• The party got quite hilarious after they brought more wine.在他们又拿来更多的酒之后，派对变得更加热闹起来。
• We stop laughing because the show was so hilarious.我们笑个不停，因为那个节目太搞笑了。

16 pastor   

n.牧师，牧人

参考例句：

• He was the son of a poor pastor.他是一个穷牧师的儿子。
• We have no pastor at present:the church is run by five deacons.我们目前没有牧师：教会的事是由五位执事管理的。

17 pastors   

n.（基督教的）牧师( pastor的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Do we show respect to our pastors, missionaries, Sunday school teachers? 我们有没有尊敬牧师、宣教士，以及主日学的老师？ 来自互联网
• Should pastors or elders be paid, or serve as a volunteer? 牧师或长老需要付给酬劳，还是志愿的事奉呢？ 来自互联网

18 precipitated   

v.（突如其来地）使发生( precipitate的过去式和过去分词 )；促成；猛然摔下；使沉淀

参考例句：

• His resignation precipitated a leadership crisis. 他的辞职立即引发了领导层的危机。
• He lost his footing and was precipitated to the ground. 他失足摔倒在地上。 来自《简明英汉词典》

19 exhausted   

adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的

参考例句：

• It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
• Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。

20 trump   

n.王牌，法宝；v.打出王牌，吹喇叭

参考例句：

• He was never able to trump up the courage to have a showdown.他始终鼓不起勇气摊牌。
• The coach saved his star player for a trump card.教练保留他的明星选手，作为他的王牌。

21 Christians   

n.基督教徒( Christian的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Christians of all denominations attended the conference. 基督教所有教派的人都出席了这次会议。
• His novel about Jesus caused a furore among Christians. 他关于耶稣的小说激起了基督教徒的公愤。

22 repulsed   

v.击退( repulse的过去式和过去分词 )；驳斥；拒绝

参考例句：

• I was repulsed by the horrible smell. 这种可怕的气味让我恶心。
• At the first brush,the enemy was repulsed. 敌人在第一次交火时就被击退了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

23 tribal   

adj.部族的，种族的

参考例句：

• He became skilled in several tribal lingoes.他精通几种部族的语言。
• The country was torn apart by fierce tribal hostilities.那个国家被部落间的激烈冲突弄得四分五裂。

24 presidency   

n.总统(校长，总经理)的职位(任期)

参考例句：

• Roosevelt was elected four times to the presidency of the United States.罗斯福连续当选四届美国总统。
• Two candidates are emerging as contestants for the presidency.两位候选人最终成为总统职位竞争者。

25 outrage   

n.暴行，侮辱，愤怒；vt.凌辱，激怒

参考例句：

• When he heard the news he reacted with a sense of outrage.他得悉此事时义愤填膺。
• We should never forget the outrage committed by the Japanese invaders.我们永远都不应该忘记日本侵略者犯下的暴行。

26 solidified   

（使）成为固体，（使）变硬，（使）变得坚固( solidify的过去式和过去分词 )； 使团结一致； 充实，巩固； 具体化

参考例句：

• Her attitudes solidified through privilege and habit. 由于特权和习惯使然，她的看法变得越来越难以改变。
• When threatened, he fires spheres of solidified air from his launcher! 当危险来临，他就会发射它的弹药！

27 attachment   

n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附

参考例句：

• She has a great attachment to her sister.她十分依恋她的姐姐。
• She's on attachment to the Ministry of Defense.她现在隶属于国防部。

28 affront   

n./v.侮辱，触怒

参考例句：

• Your behaviour is an affront to public decency.你的行为有伤风化。
• This remark caused affront to many people.这句话得罪了不少人。

29 pretext   

n.借口，托词

参考例句：

• He used his headache as a pretext for not going to school.他借口头疼而不去上学。
• He didn't attend that meeting under the pretext of sickness.他以生病为借口，没参加那个会议。