2007年NPR美国国家公共电台六月-A Marriage That's Good Enough

I believe in mystery.
I believe in family.
I believe in being who I am.
I believe in the power of failure.
And I believe normal life is extraordinary.
This I Believe.

Our This I Believe essay today comes from Corinne Colbert, a listener in Athens, Ohio. Colbert is a mother of two. She writes the newsletter for a business organization, and she is president of a parent-teacher's organization. Here's our series curator, Independent Producer Jay Allison.

In her work with the PTO, Corinne Colbert often finds herself talking to other mothers about their marriages, their expectations of themselves and their partners, their search for happiness. It is in her reaction to those conversations that she finds her belief. Here's Corinne Colbert with her essay for This I Believe.

My husband is not my best friend. He doesn't complete me. In fact, he can be a self- absorbed jerk. We're nearly polar opposites: He's a lifetime member of the NRA who doesn't care for journalists, and I'm a lifelong liberal with a journalism¹ degree. On the other hand, he doesn't beat or emotionally abuse me. He doesn't drink or chase other women. He's a good provider. So I'm sticking with him.

Some people would call that 'settling', like it's a bad thing. But I believe in settling.

The Random² House Unabridged Dictionary defines "to settle" as "to place in a desired state or order, to quiet, calm or bring to rest, to make stable. In short, it means that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Alas³, too many of us buy into a different adage⁴, that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. From movies to magazines to commercials, we're told that we should demand more from lives that are, for many of us, pretty good. We suppose to look better, eat better, find better jobs, be better lovers and parents and workers. A stable marriage isn't enough. It's supposed to be a fairy tale. Perfection is the goal.

But what cost? Would I really be any happier if I take up yoga and eat more soy, if my spouse⁵ wasn't just my partner but my soul mate? I doubt it.

Setting in my sense, is about acceptance. I'm a pretty happy person, in large part because I'm honest with myself about what I have. My body isn't bikini-worthy, but it's healthy. I never write for Rolling Stone as I once dreamed, but I am making a living as a writer. I yelled at my sons and let them play too much GameCube, but I'm still a good mom.

Of course, some situations are worth improving. If your weight jeopardizes⁶ your health, exercise and change your eating habits; if your job makes you truly miserable⁷, find a new one. If your marriage is toxic⁸, end it. Chances are though; you probably have what you need: a roof over your head, food on the table, a job that pays the bills, and family and friends. If you're unhappy, ask yourself: Am I unhappy because I really don't have what I need, or because I just want more?

So, yes, I'm settling. Sure, I wish my husband would kiss me more often, tell me he loves me every day, and get as excited about my accomplishments⁹ as I do. Emptying the dishwasher without being asked and giving me unsolicited foot massages¹⁰ wouldn't hurt, either. Now that would be nice, but it's not necessary. I'm happy with my husband who, despite his flaws, is a caring father, capable of acts of stunning¹¹ generosity¹² and fiercely protective of his family. Thinking about him may not set me on fire as it used to, but after 17 years and two kids, our love is still warm. And I believe that's good enough.

Corinne Colbert with her essay for This I Believe. Colbert told us she showed this essay to her husband who said he shares her belief and that he feels marriage is about family not just two people.

We welcome essays from everyone. You may visit npr.org/thisibelieve to find out how to submit and to see all the essays in the series. For This I Believe, I'm Jay Allison.

This Sunday on weekend edition, our essay comes from listener Michael Odeman on the belief that took him off the streets.

Support for This I Believe comes from Prudential Retirement¹³.

1 journalism   

n.新闻工作，报业

参考例句：

• He's a teacher but he does some journalism on the side.他是教师，可还兼职做一些新闻工作。
• He had an aptitude for journalism.他有从事新闻工作的才能。

2 random   

adj.随机的；任意的；n.偶然的(或随便的)行动

参考例句：

• The list is arranged in a random order.名单排列不分先后。
• On random inspection the meat was found to be bad.经抽查，发现肉变质了。

3 alas   

int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等)

参考例句：

• Alas!The window is broken!哎呀！窗子破了！
• Alas,the truth is less romantic.然而，真理很少带有浪漫色彩。

4 adage   

n.格言，古训

参考例句：

• But the old adage that men grow into office has not proved true in my experience.但是，根据我的经验，人们所谓的工作岗位造就人材这句古话并不正确。
• Her experience lends credence to the adage " We live and learn!"她的经验印证了一句格言: 活到老，学到老！

5 spouse   

n.配偶(指夫或妻)

参考例句：

• Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
• What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？

6 jeopardizes   

危及，损害( jeopardize的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• If your reckless behavior jeopardizes this mission, you're out! 如果你不注意你的言行，会危及到这次任务你也会被开除！
• Factionalism now seriously jeopardizes our overall interest. 现在闹派性已经严重地妨害我们的大局。

7 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

8 toxic   

adj.有毒的，因中毒引起的

参考例句：

• The factory had accidentally released a quantity of toxic waste into the sea.这家工厂意外泄漏大量有毒废物到海中。
• There is a risk that toxic chemicals might be blasted into the atmosphere.爆炸后有毒化学物质可能会进入大气层。

9 accomplishments   

n.造诣；完成( accomplishment的名词复数 )；技能；成绩；成就

参考例句：

• It was one of the President's greatest accomplishments. 那是总统最伟大的成就之一。
• Among her accomplishments were sewing,cooking,playing the piano and dancing. 她的才能包括缝纫、烹调、弹钢琴和跳舞。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

10 massages   

按摩，推拿( massage的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• At present the doctor is giving him daily massages to help restore the function of his limbs. 目前医生每天在给他按摩，帮助他恢复腿臂的功能。
• His father massages his nose and chin. 他爸爸揉了揉鼻子和下巴。

11 stunning   

adj.极好的；使人晕倒的

参考例句：

• His plays are distinguished only by their stunning mediocrity.他的戏剧与众不同之处就是平凡得出奇。
• The finished effect was absolutely stunning.完工后的效果非常美。

12 generosity   

n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为

参考例句：

• We should match their generosity with our own.我们应该像他们一样慷慨大方。
• We adore them for their generosity.我们钦佩他们的慷慨。

13 retirement   

n.退休，退职

参考例句：

• She wanted to enjoy her retirement without being beset by financial worries.她想享受退休生活而不必为金钱担忧。
• I have to put everything away for my retirement.我必须把一切都积蓄起来以便退休后用。