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读者文摘:最搞笑的职场段子之综合篇

时间:2020-11-19 10:28来源:互联网 提供网友:nan   字体: [ ]
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    (单词翻译:双击或拖选)

I showed up wearing two different-colored shoes to make a major presentation to an audience of 230 people.

我穿着两只不同颜色的鞋出现了,对着230名观众做一次重大的陈述。

This guy came into my Walmart back room, put on a vest, picked up the biggest TV, put it on a cart, dropped it, and then asked me to help lift it.

有个家伙走进我在沃尔玛的后室,穿上一件背心,拿起最大的电视,把它放在手推车上,把它扔掉,然后让我帮忙把它抬起来。

The guy thanked me and left with his brand-new TV that I'd helped him steal.

这个家伙谢了我,然后带着我帮他偷的全新电视离开了。

At the end of a phone call, I told my boss I loved him.

在挂电话的时候,我告诉老板我爱他。

I caught myself, but started rambling1: "Oh my God! I didn't mean that.

我控制住自己,但是开始乱扯:“我的天,我不是这个意思。

I absolutely don't love you ... No, I mean, I like working for you but I know you're married and I'm married, and I'm not flirting2, so please don't report me to HR ..."

我肯定不爱你...不,我的意思是,我喜欢为你工作,但是我知道你已经结婚了,我也结婚了。我没有在调情,所以请不要把这个报告给HR...”

At some point, he just hung up.

在某个时间,他把电话挂掉了。

I once sent a company-wide virus warning by forwarding an e-mail

我曾经通过转发电子邮件向全公司发出病毒警告,

so people could see what it looked like should they receive one and forgetting to remove the infected attachment3.

这样人们就能看到如果他们接受了一个而忘记移除受感染的附件是什么样子。

On my first day of work, I accidentally called my boss "Daddy."

我第一天上班的时候,我错误地叫我的老板“父亲”。

When I was a teenager, I applied4 for a job at a hospital gift shop and was so pumped when I got the call that they wanted me.

当我是个青少年的时候,我申请了一个医院礼品店的工作,我接到他们录取我的电话时非常高兴。

When I showed up for my first shift, the manager gave me the weirdest5 look, then told me to wait while she called someone.

当我第一次上夜班的时候,经理用最奇怪的眼神看了我,然后让我等她给别人打电话。

Turns out that they interviewed two girls named Jessica and meant to hire the other one. They offered me a candy bar "for my trouble." I'm still bitter.

结果是他们面试了两个叫杰西卡的姑娘,他们想录取的是另外一个。给我带来了不便,他们给了我一个糖果。我现在还苦涩。

Dumb applicants6. Looking for a job? Make sure your resume is up to snuff. A lot of job seekers don't, and we've pulled together some actual blunders to prove it.

愚蠢的求职者。在找工作吗?确保你的简历是状况良好的。很多的求职者的简历都不好。我们收集了一些实际的错误来证明这一点。

Objective. "To secure a position as a front office."

目标:“寻找一个前台职位。”

Employment history. Last job: "Drove a toe truck." Before that: "Worked in the dessert."

工作经历。上一份工作:“开卡车。”那之前:“在沙漠中工作。”

And before that: "Oversaw7 all new corporate8 accusations9." "Responsibilities included recruiting, interviewing, and executing final candidates."

在那之前:“监督所有新公司的指控。”职责包括招聘、面试和执行最终候选人。

And before that one: "Watered, groomed10, and fed the family dog for years."

在这个之前:“给家里的狗洗澡、梳洗,喂养多年。”

Skills. "Perfectionist with a keen I for details." "Being bilingual in 3 languages." "Natural born larder11." References. "Clare."

技能。“完美主义者,对细节有敏锐的洞察力。”“精通三种双语。”“天生的食品室。”介绍信。“克莱尔”。

Compensation. "Current salary: $36,000. Salary desired: $223,000."

报酬。“当下薪资:36000美元。期望薪资:223000美元。”

Interests. "I enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians."

兴趣。“我喜欢做中国菜和意大利菜。”

"My three biggest hobbies are cars, racquetball, golf, and reading."

“我的三个最大的爱好是汽车,壁球、高尔夫球和阅读。”

"I like doughnuts, cupcakes, chocolate, and ice cream. Together." "Honestly, I like doing nothing."

“我喜欢甜甜圈、纸杯蛋糕、巧克力和冰淇淋。在一起吃。”“说实话,我什么都不喜欢做。”

Education. "Graduated in 2911."

教育。“毕业于2911年。”


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 rambling MTfxg     
adj.[建]凌乱的,杂乱的
参考例句:
  • We spent the summer rambling in Ireland. 我们花了一个夏天漫游爱尔兰。
  • It was easy to get lost in the rambling house. 在布局凌乱的大房子里容易迷路。
2 flirting 59b9eafa5141c6045fb029234a60fdae     
v.调情,打情骂俏( flirt的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • Don't take her too seriously; she's only flirting with you. 别把她太当真,她只不过是在和你调情罢了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • 'she's always flirting with that new fellow Tseng!" “她还同新来厂里那个姓曾的吊膀子! 来自子夜部分
3 attachment POpy1     
n.附属物,附件;依恋;依附
参考例句:
  • She has a great attachment to her sister.她十分依恋她的姐姐。
  • She's on attachment to the Ministry of Defense.她现在隶属于国防部。
4 applied Tz2zXA     
adj.应用的;v.应用,适用
参考例句:
  • She plans to take a course in applied linguistics.她打算学习应用语言学课程。
  • This cream is best applied to the face at night.这种乳霜最好晚上擦脸用。
5 weirdest 1420dbd419e940f3a92df683409afc4e     
怪诞的( weird的最高级 ); 神秘而可怕的; 超然的; 古怪的
参考例句:
  • Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you'd like to see chicks do. 想想这最怪异,最疯狂的屁事。你会喜欢看这些鸡巴表演的。
  • It's still the weirdest damn sound I ever heard out of a Jersey boy. 这是我所听过新泽西人最为怪异的音调了。
6 applicants aaea8e805a118b90e86f7044ecfb6d59     
申请人,求职人( applicant的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • There were over 500 applicants for the job. 有500多人申请这份工作。
  • He was impressed by the high calibre of applicants for the job. 求职人员出色的能力给他留下了深刻印象。
7 oversaw 1175bee226edb4f0a38466d02f3baa27     
v.监督,监视( oversee的过去式 )
参考例句:
  • He will go down as the president who oversaw two historic transitions. 他将作为见证了巴西两次历史性转变的总统,安然引退。 来自互联网
  • Dixon oversaw the project as creative director of Design Research Studio. 狄克逊监督项目的创意总监设计研究工作室。 来自互联网
8 corporate 7olzl     
adj.共同的,全体的;公司的,企业的
参考例句:
  • This is our corporate responsibility.这是我们共同的责任。
  • His corporate's life will be as short as a rabbit's tail.他的公司的寿命是兔子尾巴长不了。
9 accusations 3e7158a2ffc2cb3d02e77822c38c959b     
n.指责( accusation的名词复数 );指控;控告;(被告发、控告的)罪名
参考例句:
  • There were accusations of plagiarism. 曾有过关于剽窃的指控。
  • He remained unruffled by their accusations. 对于他们的指控他处之泰然。
10 groomed 90b6d4f06c2c2c35b205c60916ba1a14     
v.照料或梳洗(马等)( groom的过去式和过去分词 );使做好准备;训练;(给动物)擦洗
参考例句:
  • She is always perfectly groomed. 她总是打扮得干净利落。
  • Duff is being groomed for the job of manager. 达夫正接受训练,准备当经理。 来自《简明英汉词典》
11 larder m9tzb     
n.食物贮藏室,食品橱
参考例句:
  • Please put the food into the larder.请将您地食物放进食物柜内。
  • They promised never to raid the larder again.他们答应不再随便开食橱拿东西吃了。
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