访谈录 2010-05-17&05-21 解读剩女现象-6

Sherri: Thank you for explaining for what black men go through. But I think you know, when you talking about men are intimidated² by women, you do go through that. And a lot of times we have willingness to stick that out with you, but it seems like man starts to resent us, like we'll go out there, and we work another job, to try to…Because you are not accommodate with the job, they are not inviting³ to the parties, they are not, you know, you are not getting where you want to be. So we take on an extra load. Attend so Tea-like Candles, and had Avon parties, and Mary Kay parties to, top where to help my man, to do another job. But then what happens for me is then there is a level of success that comes, and I have been up there in the cut with him. So there, when I do go to my parties that I am invited to, gosh, I would like my man to be right there with me, but it seems like man has this problem being plus one. I'll let people know this is my man, I fight for this, I fight for this. And then you know, I expect, sometimes, I don't have time to validate⁴ you twenty four hours a day! I'm not here with you, yes, it is hard as you! (it's true, right, if we choose )and you don't want to be a plus one, you don't want to be the person introduced, you want to be the person introducing. And it's like there is a time when I go, I’ll stand behind you and be quiet. Can there be times when you stand by me sort of behind me and under girding me? And that's what I feel like, I don't have that!

Steve : See, here, here is another misunderstanding that's rampant⁶ throughout women. You keep use this term that a successful woman that you are intimidating⁷, can I slow your role for just a second? You are never intimidating to a man. I. wanna introduce another concept to you, a real man, intimidate¹ for what? how much you make, what you got, what you do, where you live, a real man, you can forget the intimidation⁸ thing. Pleases ladies, stop saying this, because you are adding an element that is not there. Let me introduce this to you, have you ever thought that instead of thinking that your man is intimidated, could not your man just be ashamed? Have you ever thought that for a moment? Because I hate to tell it to you, but we are! Sometimes we are just ashamed of the fact that we are not there yet, we are ashamed to the fact that we have not gotten to where we thought we'll be by this age in life. Have you ever considered that for a moment? But when you attach the term "intimidation" to it, you take on a superior role, that role are known to you excess itself out. And now all of a sudden, you are conducting yourself in a leadership capacity when you are really incapable⁹ of leading me nowhere. Sherri, you said just a second ago, but sometimes can I be in the front and you stand behind you begin you correct it saying as he stands it beside me? Because you have earned the type loved Miss. Sherri Sherperd and you should be proud of your accomplishment¹⁰, I never tell a woman to dump it down. But men, you got to cool it out. Can I say for the two of you who are successful, attractive but famous?

Sherri: Well, that's what I wanna take it out of the real realm of the famous, the celebrity¹¹. I wanna take, because I wanna take it out him related to that.

Steve: Yeah, because you see every person sits now there ain’t got the fame gain work.

Sherri: But it's still what you said about, you know, still ,you are talking about whether you are a lawyer and you have to go to a party or you are an executive, you are the chief stuff in a hospital, you know,

Jacque: To be famous in your circle

Sherri: In your circle. And when I said a man can he walk behind me, and under gird me because it maybe my definition is wrong over partnership¹², but there are times you stand behind a man, and you under gird him to help him get up to this place. And then there are times when your man comes behind and you under gird you and lift you up, and then we do this. And we keep doing this so that we can both stay up here. So do I…so when I am saying behind me, I don't mean I am trying to lead you, I want you to be the man. I want you to be the man, and I want you to lead your family and protect your family. But I’m saying there is times when we as women, we need a man to go, where he is standing⁵ there, He don't need to be to hey it all the time, because he knows, because a successful partnership, a good CEO of his company can make his employees feel like they are No.1.

Steve: Yeah, I understand what you are saying, but that man have to feel like he is the man all the time. He got to feel like he is the man all the time. I'm sorry, that’s in our DNA¹³ (So what do I do?) Listen to me, were you feeling back that down? We are not backing that down so you can have a great day today.

Hostess: So men have got to wear the pants.

Steve: No. we are not intend to do that.

Hostess: Men have got to wear the pants.

Sherri: So, Steve, I gotta tell you all the time, all the time, for you to feel like a man, all the time, all the time, I gotta tell you, baby, the way you flush that toilet , nobody else could do that like you, baby, wow, you are the man!, That's what I am saying when you keep talking about a real man, Steve, I think a real man has to work out some of those issues within themselves, because we're total all the time is women. We're total all the time is women. Don't look into a man to give you your happiness. Don't wait to get your marriage to furniture your apartment, if you don't that develop within yourself, no man is gonna fulfill¹⁴ it. So you say, when you say a real man, all the time, I gotta give you validation¹⁵, every time I look around, so you can feel like that?

Steve: No, no.

Jimi: Why did you choose them in the first place?

Sherri:  I chose them because like you said I look in their potential and I wanna a partnership and I wanna a friendship and I wanna us both to be here. But in order for both of us to be here, you can't do it alone, I am trying to help you too, and I am trying to do my thing. I’m not just go sit at home and cook, clean and have sex with you. I am trying to bring in some money as well! So why do I choose you? Because I see something in you and our willingness to stick in there but I need you to help me too when I need you to stand beside me too.

Hill: Sherri, Sherri, first of all, that's what a partnership is. And so don't think that, that just because a man wants to be a man doesn't mean that doesn't include, and it's not inclusive for him supporting you. That's again, just the way you said that, seems you suggest that and that's not true. A man understands that part of being a man is supporting his woman.

Sherri: But all of these, I want to know what you are going through, but you don't want to tell me what you are going through, you want to be store it, you don't want to say nothing. So then I come…You know how they say, men have six thousand words and women have thirty-five thousand words. So when you get home, you know, you don't want to use up those words but I don't know this, and I would like to.

Hill:  But have you ever taken the time of listening to anther example when we are talking about misinformation, we have taken the time to see how men actually communicate. Because we do communicate but we don't do the same way women do, but women expect us to communicate in their way.

Jacque: No, we see how, we know you communicate differently, but what you are communicating is not working for me in all cases. And that's, I know that you may not say it to me, I feel this way, but you may do things for me, you know what I mean? Or you may do things for me around the house, or do different things to show your love and affection.

Hill: Or how we choose to communicate I'll give you an example. This woman who we are talking to, I gave her an assignment. She says that I can't get my guy to communicate, when he come home, I’m sitting there and say "Can we talk?", I said men don't wanna communicate that way. I said next time you wanna have the same conversation, say "Hey, baby, let's go down the sports bar" "What? Really? OK, let's go” we go down there. Buy two shots of patroon, you know, patroon, watch the game, drink a little patroon, have a beer. And about, you know I say around half time may be third quarter talk about what you want to talk about. And I’m not saying the information is gonna come out. (You also say it here that you don't want me here), I'm not saying. (Two shots of patroon), OK, so what I tell is, it's about comfort and how we are used in communicating. We are go to sports, we are hanging out with our friends, but first thing we are not gonna talk about, when we sit down with our friends, about our relationships. This will talk about also to other things, and we will finally walk our way there.
 

1 intimidate   

vt.恐吓，威胁

参考例句：

• You think you can intimidate people into doing what you want?你以为你可以威胁别人做任何事？
• The first strike capacity is intended mainly to intimidate adversary.第一次攻击的武力主要是用来吓阻敌方的。

2 intimidated   

v.恐吓；威胁adj.害怕的；受到威胁的

参考例句：

• We try to make sure children don't feel intimidated on their first day at school. 我们努力确保孩子们在上学的第一天不胆怯。
• The thief intimidated the boy into not telling the police. 这个贼恫吓那男孩使他不敢向警察报告。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 inviting   

adj.诱人的，引人注目的

参考例句：

• An inviting smell of coffee wafted into the room.一股诱人的咖啡香味飘进了房间。
• The kitchen smelled warm and inviting and blessedly familiar.这间厨房的味道温暖诱人，使人感到亲切温馨。

4 validate   

vt.（法律）使有效，使生效

参考例句：

• You need an official signature to validate the order.你要有正式的签字，这张汇票才能生效。
• In order to validate the agreement,both parties sign it.为使协议有效，双方在上面签了字。

5 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

6 rampant   

adj.(植物)蔓生的；狂暴的，无约束的

参考例句：

• Sickness was rampant in the area.该地区疾病蔓延。
• You cannot allow children to rampant through the museum.你不能任由小孩子在博物馆里乱跑。

7 intimidating   

vt.恐吓，威胁( intimidate的现在分词)

参考例句：

• They were accused of intimidating people into voting for them. 他们被控胁迫选民投他们的票。
• This kind of questioning can be very intimidating to children. 这种问话的方式可能让孩子们非常害怕。

8 intimidation   

n.恐吓，威胁

参考例句：

• The Opposition alleged voter intimidation by the army.反对党声称投票者受到军方的恐吓。
• The gang silenced witnesses by intimidation.恶帮用恐吓的手段使得证人不敢说话。

9 incapable   

adj.无能力的，不能做某事的

参考例句：

• He would be incapable of committing such a cruel deed.他不会做出这么残忍的事。
• Computers are incapable of creative thought.计算机不会创造性地思维。

10 accomplishment   

n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能

参考例句：

• The series of paintings is quite an accomplishment.这一系列的绘画真是了不起的成就。
• Money will be crucial to the accomplishment of our objectives.要实现我们的目标，钱是至关重要的。

11 celebrity   

n.名人，名流；著名，名声，名望

参考例句：

• Tom found himself something of a celebrity. 汤姆意识到自己已小有名气了。
• He haunted famous men, hoping to get celebrity for himself. 他常和名人在一起, 希望借此使自己获得名气。

12 partnership   

n.合作关系，伙伴关系

参考例句：

• The company has gone into partnership with Swiss Bank Corporation.这家公司已经和瑞士银行公司建立合作关系。
• Martin has taken him into general partnership in his company.马丁已让他成为公司的普通合伙人。

13 DNA   

(缩)deoxyribonucleic acid 脱氧核糖核酸

参考例句：

• DNA is stored in the nucleus of a cell.脱氧核糖核酸储存于细胞的细胞核里。
• Gene mutations are alterations in the DNA code.基因突变是指DNA密码的改变。

14 fulfill   

vt.履行，实现，完成；满足，使满意

参考例句：

• If you make a promise you should fulfill it.如果你许诺了，你就要履行你的诺言。
• This company should be able to fulfill our requirements.这家公司应该能够满足我们的要求。

15 validation   

n.确认

参考例句：

• If the countdown timer ever hits zero, do your validation processing. 处理这种情况的方法是在输入的同时使用递减计时器，每次击键重新计时。如果递减计时器变为零，就开始验证。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓
• Although the validation control is a very widespread idiom, most such controls can be improved. 虽然确认控件是非常广泛的习惯用法，但还有很多有待改进的地方。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓