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马克吐温最佳短篇小说 06 How I Edited an Agricultural Paper Once

时间:2014-07-10 02:02来源:互联网 提供网友:mapleleaf   字体: [ ]
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   I did not take the temporary editorship of an agriculture paper without misgivings1. Neither would a landsman take, command of a ship without misgivings. But I was in circumstances that made the salary an object. The regular editor of the paper was going off for a holiday, and I accepted the terms he offered, and took his place.

  The sensation of being at work again was luxurious2, and I wrought3 all the week with unflagging pleasure. We went to press, and I waited a day with some solicitude4 to see whether my effort was going to attract any notice. As I left the office, toward sundown, a group of men and boys at the foot of the stairs dispersed5 with one impulse, and gave me passage-way, and I heard one or two of them say: "That's him!" I was naturally pleased by this incident. The next morning I found a similar group at the foot of the stairs, and scattering6 couples and individuals standing7 here and there in the street, and over the way, watching me with interest. The group separated and fell back as I approached, and I heard a man say: "Look at his eye!" I pretended not to observe the notice I was attracting, but secretly I was pleased with it, and was purposing to write an account of it to my aunt. I went up the short flight of stairs, and heard cheery voices and a ringing laugh as I drew near the door, which I opened, and caught a glimpse of two young, rural-looking men, whose faces blanched8 and lengthened9 when they saw me, and then they both plunged10 through the window, with a great crash. I was surprised.
  In about half an hour an old gentleman, with a flowing beard and a fine but rather austere11 face, entered, and sat down at my invitation. He seemed to have something on his mind. He took off his hat and set it on the floor, and got out of it a red silk handkerchief and a copy of our paper. He put the paper on his lap, and, while he polished his spectacles with his handkerchief, he said:
  "Are you the new editor?"I said I was.
  "Have you ever edited an agricultural paper before?""No," I said; "this is my first attempt.""Very likely. Have you had any experience in agriculture, practically?" "No, I believe I have not." "Some instinct told me so," said the old gentleman, putting on his spectacles and looking over them at me with asperity12, while he folded his paper into a convenient shape. "I wish to read you what must have made me have that instinct. It was this editorial. Listen, and see if it was you that wrote it:
  "Turnips13 should never be pulled -- it injures them. It is much better to send a boy up and let him shake the tree.
  "Now, what do you think of that? -- for I really suppose you wrote it?""Think of it? Why, I think it is good. I think it is sense. I have no doubt that, every year, millions and millions of bushels of turnips are spoiled in this township alone by being pulled in a half-ripe condition, when, if they had sent a boy up to shake the tree ---""Shake your grandmother! Turnips don't grow on trees!""Oh, they don't, don't they? Well, who said they did? The language was intended to be figurative, wholly figurative. Anybody, that knows anything, will know that I meant that the boy should shake the vine."Then this old person got up and tore his paper all into small shreds14, and stamped on them, and broke several things with his cane15, and said I did not know as much as a cow; and then went out, and banged the door after him, and, in short, acted in such a way that I fancied he was displeased16 about something But, not knowing what the trouble was, I could not be any help to him.
  Pretty soon after this a long, cadaverous creature, with lanky17 locks hanging down to his shoulders and a week's stubble bristling18 from the hills and valleys of his face, darted19 within the door, and halted, motionless, with finger on lip, and head and body bent20 in listening attitude. No sound was heard. Still he listened. No sound. Then he turned the key in the door, and came elaborately tip-toeing toward me, till he was within long reaching distance of me, when he stopped, and, after scanning my face with intense interest for a while, drew a folded copy of our paper from his bosom21, and said:
  "There -- you wrote that. Read it to me, quick! Relieve, me -- I suffer."I read as follows -- and as the sentences fell from my lips I could see the relief come -- I could see the drawn22 muscles relax, and the anxiety go out of the face, and rest and peace steal over the features like the merciful moonlight over a desolate23 landscape:
  The guano is a fine bird, but great care is necessary in rearing it. It should not be imported earlier than June nor later than September. In the winter it should be kept in a warm place, where it can hatch out its young. It is evident that we are to have a backward season for grain. Therefore, it will be well for the farmer to begin setting out his corn-stalks and planting his buckwheat cakes in July instead of August.
  Concerning the Pumpkin24. -- This berry is a favorite with the natives of the interior of NewEngland, who prefer it to the gooseberry for the making of fruit cake, and who likewise give itthe preference over the raspberry for feeding cows, as being more filling and fully25 as satisfying.
  The pumpkin is the only esculent of the orange family that will thrive in the North, except thegourd and one or two varieties of the squash. But the custom of planting it in the front !yardwith the shrubbery is fast going out of vogue26, for it is now generally conceded that thepumpkin, as a shade tree, is a failure.
  Now, as the warm weather approaches, and the ganders begin to spawn27 --The excited listener sprang toward me, to shake hands, and said:
  "There, there -- that will do! I know I am all right now because you have read it just as I did, word for word. But, stranger, when I first read it this morning I said to myself I never, never believed it before, notwithstanding my friends kept me under watch so strict, but now I believe I am crazy; and with that I fetched a howl that you might have heard two miles, and started out to kill somebody -- because, you know, I knew it would come to that sooner or later, and so I might as well begin. I read one of them paragraphs over again, so as to be certain, and then I burned my house down and started I have crippled several people, and have got one fellow up a tree, where I can get him if I want him. But I thought I would call in here as I passed along, and make the thing perfectly28 certain; and now it is certain, and I tell you it is lucky for the chap that is in the tree. I should have killed him, sure, as I went back. Good-by, sir, good-by -- you have taken a great load off my mind. My reason has stood the strain of one of your agricultural articles, and I know that nothing can ever unseat it now . Good-by, sir."I felt a little uncomfortable about the cripplings and arsons this person had been entertaining himself with, for I could not help feeling remotely accessory to them; but these thoughts were quickly banished29, for the regular editor walked in! [I thought to myself, Now if you had gone to Egypt, as I recommended you to, I might have had a chance to get my hand in; but you wouldn't do it, and here you are. I sort of expected you.]
  The editor was looking sad, and perplexed30, and dejected. He surveyed the wreck31 which that old rioter and these two young farmers had made, and then said:
  "This is a sad business -- a very sad business. There is the mucilage bottle broken, and sixpanes of glass, and a spittoon and two candlesticks. But that is not the worst. The reputation of the paper is injured, and permanently32, I fear. True, there never was such a call for the paper before, and it never sold such a large edition or soared to such celebrity33; but does one want to be famous for lunacy, and prosper34 upon the infirmities of his mind? My friend, as I am an honest man, the street out here is full of people, and others are roosting on the fences, waiting to get a glimpse of you, because they think you are crazy. And well they might, after reading your editorials. They are a disgrace to journalism35. Why, what put it into your head that youcould edit a paper of this nature? You do not seem to know the first rudiments36 of agriculture.
  You speak of a furrow37 and a harrow as being the same thing; you talk of the moulting season for cows; and you recommend the domestication38 of the pole-cat on account of its playfulness and its excellence39 as a ratter. Your remark that clams40 will lie quiet if music be played to them, was superfluous41 -- entirely42 superfluous. Nothing disturbs clams. Clams always lie quiet. Clams care nothing whatever about music. Ah, heavens and earth, friend, if you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could to-day. I never saw anything like it. Your observation that the horse-chestnut, as an article of commerce, is steadily43 gaining in favor.

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1 misgivings 0nIzyS     
n.疑虑,担忧,害怕;疑虑,担心,恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 );疑惧
参考例句:
  • I had grave misgivings about making the trip. 对于这次旅行我有过极大的顾虑。
  • Don't be overtaken by misgivings and fear. Just go full stream ahead! 不要瞻前顾后, 畏首畏尾。甩开膀子干吧! 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
2 luxurious S2pyv     
adj.精美而昂贵的;豪华的
参考例句:
  • This is a luxurious car complete with air conditioning and telephone.这是一辆附有空调设备和电话的豪华轿车。
  • The rich man lives in luxurious surroundings.这位富人生活在奢侈的环境中。
3 wrought EoZyr     
v.引起;以…原料制作;运转;adj.制造的
参考例句:
  • Events in Paris wrought a change in British opinion towards France and Germany.巴黎发生的事件改变了英国对法国和德国的看法。
  • It's a walking stick with a gold head wrought in the form of a flower.那是一个金质花形包头的拐杖。
4 solicitude mFEza     
n.焦虑
参考例句:
  • Your solicitude was a great consolation to me.你对我的关怀给了我莫大的安慰。
  • He is full of tender solicitude towards my sister.他对我妹妹满心牵挂。
5 dispersed b24c637ca8e58669bce3496236c839fa     
adj. 被驱散的, 被分散的, 散布的
参考例句:
  • The clouds dispersed themselves. 云散了。
  • After school the children dispersed to their homes. 放学后,孩子们四散回家了。
6 scattering 91b52389e84f945a976e96cd577a4e0c     
n.[物]散射;散乱,分散;在媒介质中的散播adj.散乱的;分散在不同范围的;广泛扩散的;(选票)数量分散的v.散射(scatter的ing形式);散布;驱散
参考例句:
  • The child felle into a rage and began scattering its toys about. 这孩子突发狂怒,把玩具扔得满地都是。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The farmers are scattering seed. 农夫们在播种。 来自《简明英汉词典》
7 standing 2hCzgo     
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的
参考例句:
  • After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
  • They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
8 blanched 86df425770f6f770efe32857bbb4db42     
v.使变白( blanch的过去式 );使(植物)不见阳光而变白;酸洗(金属)使有光泽;用沸水烫(杏仁等)以便去皮
参考例句:
  • The girl blanched with fear when she saw the bear coming. 那女孩见熊(向她)走来,吓得脸都白了。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
  • Their faces blanched in terror. 他们的脸因恐惧而吓得发白。 来自《简明英汉词典》
9 lengthened 4c0dbc9eb35481502947898d5e9f0a54     
(时间或空间)延长,伸长( lengthen的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • The afternoon shadows lengthened. 下午影子渐渐变长了。
  • He wanted to have his coat lengthened a bit. 他要把上衣放长一些。
10 plunged 06a599a54b33c9d941718dccc7739582     
v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 );暴跌;骤降;突降
参考例句:
  • The train derailed and plunged into the river. 火车脱轨栽进了河里。
  • She lost her balance and plunged 100 feet to her death. 她没有站稳,从100英尺的高处跌下摔死了。
11 austere GeIyW     
adj.艰苦的;朴素的,朴实无华的;严峻的
参考例句:
  • His way of life is rather austere.他的生活方式相当简朴。
  • The room was furnished in austere style.这间屋子的陈设都很简单朴素。
12 asperity rN6yY     
n.粗鲁,艰苦
参考例句:
  • He spoke to the boy with asperity.他严厉地对那男孩讲话。
  • The asperity of the winter had everybody yearning for spring.严冬之苦让每个人都渴望春天。
13 turnips 0a5b5892a51b9bd77b247285ad0b3f77     
芜青( turnip的名词复数 ); 芜菁块根; 芜菁甘蓝块根; 怀表
参考例句:
  • Well, I like turnips, tomatoes, eggplants, cauliflowers, onions and carrots. 噢,我喜欢大萝卜、西红柿、茄子、菜花、洋葱和胡萝卜。 来自魔法英语-口语突破(高中)
  • This is turnip soup, made from real turnips. 这是大头菜汤,用真正的大头菜做的。
14 shreds 0288daa27f5fcbe882c0eaedf23db832     
v.撕碎,切碎( shred的第三人称单数 );用撕毁机撕毁(文件)
参考例句:
  • Peel the carrots and cut them into shreds. 将胡罗卜削皮,切成丝。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • I want to take this diary and rip it into shreds. 我真想一赌气扯了这日记。 来自汉英文学 - 中国现代小说
15 cane RsNzT     
n.手杖,细长的茎,藤条;v.以杖击,以藤编制的
参考例句:
  • This sugar cane is quite a sweet and juicy.这甘蔗既甜又多汁。
  • English schoolmasters used to cane the boys as a punishment.英国小学老师过去常用教鞭打男学生作为惩罚。
16 displeased 1uFz5L     
a.不快的
参考例句:
  • The old man was displeased and darted an angry look at me. 老人不高兴了,瞪了我一眼。
  • He was displeased about the whole affair. 他对整个事情感到很不高兴。
17 lanky N9vzd     
adj.瘦长的
参考例句:
  • He was six feet four,all lanky and leggy.他身高6英尺4英寸,瘦高个儿,大长腿。
  • Tom was a lanky boy with long skinny legs.汤姆是一个腿很细的瘦高个儿。
18 bristling tSqyl     
a.竖立的
参考例句:
  • "Don't you question Miz Wilkes' word,'said Archie, his beard bristling. "威尔克斯太太的话,你就不必怀疑了。 "阿尔奇说。他的胡子也翘了起来。
  • You were bristling just now. 你刚才在发毛。
19 darted d83f9716cd75da6af48046d29f4dd248     
v.投掷,投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 );向前冲,飞奔
参考例句:
  • The lizard darted out its tongue at the insect. 蜥蜴伸出舌头去吃小昆虫。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The old man was displeased and darted an angry look at me. 老人不高兴了,瞪了我一眼。 来自《简明英汉词典》
20 bent QQ8yD     
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的
参考例句:
  • He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
  • We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。
21 bosom Lt9zW     
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的
参考例句:
  • She drew a little book from her bosom.她从怀里取出一本小册子。
  • A dark jealousy stirred in his bosom.他内心生出一阵恶毒的嫉妒。
22 drawn MuXzIi     
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的
参考例句:
  • All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
  • Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。
23 desolate vmizO     
adj.荒凉的,荒芜的;孤独的,凄凉的;v.使荒芜,使孤寂
参考例句:
  • The city was burned into a desolate waste.那座城市被烧成一片废墟。
  • We all felt absolutely desolate when she left.她走后,我们都觉得万分孤寂。
24 pumpkin NtKy8     
n.南瓜
参考例句:
  • They ate turkey and pumpkin pie.他们吃了火鸡和南瓜馅饼。
  • It looks like there is a person looking out of the pumpkin!看起来就像南瓜里有人在看着你!
25 fully Gfuzd     
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地
参考例句:
  • The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气,然后全部呼出。
  • They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。
26 Vogue 6hMwC     
n.时髦,时尚;adj.流行的
参考例句:
  • Flowery carpets became the vogue.花卉地毯变成了时髦货。
  • Short hair came back into vogue about ten years ago.大约十年前短发又开始流行起来了。
27 spawn qFUzL     
n.卵,产物,后代,结果;vt.产卵,种菌丝于,产生,造成;vi.产卵,大量生产
参考例句:
  • The fish were madly pushing their way upstream to spawn.鱼群为产卵而疯狂地向上游挤进。
  • These fish will lay spawn in about one month from now.这些鱼大约一个月内会产卵。
28 perfectly 8Mzxb     
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
  • Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。
29 banished b779057f354f1ec8efd5dd1adee731df     
v.放逐,驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He was banished to Australia, where he died five years later. 他被流放到澳大利亚,五年后在那里去世。
  • He was banished to an uninhabited island for a year. 他被放逐到一个无人居住的荒岛一年。 来自《简明英汉词典》
30 perplexed A3Rz0     
adj.不知所措的
参考例句:
  • The farmer felt the cow,went away,returned,sorely perplexed,always afraid of being cheated.那农民摸摸那头牛,走了又回来,犹豫不决,总怕上当受骗。
  • The child was perplexed by the intricate plot of the story.这孩子被那头绪纷繁的故事弄得迷惑不解。
31 wreck QMjzE     
n.失事,遇难;沉船;vt.(船等)失事,遇难
参考例句:
  • Weather may have been a factor in the wreck.天气可能是造成这次失事的原因之一。
  • No one can wreck the friendship between us.没有人能够破坏我们之间的友谊。
32 permanently KluzuU     
adv.永恒地,永久地,固定不变地
参考例句:
  • The accident left him permanently scarred.那次事故给他留下了永久的伤疤。
  • The ship is now permanently moored on the Thames in London.该船现在永久地停泊在伦敦泰晤士河边。
33 celebrity xcRyQ     
n.名人,名流;著名,名声,名望
参考例句:
  • Tom found himself something of a celebrity. 汤姆意识到自己已小有名气了。
  • He haunted famous men, hoping to get celebrity for himself. 他常和名人在一起, 希望借此使自己获得名气。
34 prosper iRrxC     
v.成功,兴隆,昌盛;使成功,使昌隆,繁荣
参考例句:
  • With her at the wheel,the company began to prosper.有了她当主管,公司开始兴旺起来。
  • It is my earnest wish that this company will continue to prosper.我真诚希望这家公司会继续兴旺发达。
35 journalism kpZzu8     
n.新闻工作,报业
参考例句:
  • He's a teacher but he does some journalism on the side.他是教师,可还兼职做一些新闻工作。
  • He had an aptitude for journalism.他有从事新闻工作的才能。
36 rudiments GjBzbg     
n.基础知识,入门
参考例句:
  • He has just learned the rudiments of Chinese. 他学汉语刚刚入门。
  • You do not seem to know the first rudiments of agriculture. 你似乎连农业上的一点最起码的常识也没有。
37 furrow X6dyf     
n.沟;垄沟;轨迹;车辙;皱纹
参考例句:
  • The tractor has make deep furrow in the loose sand.拖拉机在松软的沙土上留下了深深的车辙。
  • Mei did not weep.She only bit her lips,and the furrow in her brow deepened.梅埋下头,她咬了咬嘴唇皮,额上的皱纹显得更深了。
38 domestication a412c94ddc4dddbce0e57281001e9ede     
n.驯养,驯化
参考例句:
  • The first was the domestication of animals. 第一个阶段是驯养动物。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • In northwestern China, there is no evidence for endemic domestication of any animals. 在中国西北,没有任何当地动物驯化的迹象。 来自辞典例句
39 excellence ZnhxM     
n.优秀,杰出,(pl.)优点,美德
参考例句:
  • His art has reached a high degree of excellence.他的艺术已达到炉火纯青的地步。
  • My performance is far below excellence.我的表演离优秀还差得远呢。
40 clams 0940cacadaf01e94ba47fd333a69de59     
n.蛤;蚌,蛤( clam的名词复数 )v.(在沙滩上)挖蛤( clam的第三人称单数 )
参考例句:
  • The restaurant's specialities are fried clams. 这个餐厅的特色菜是炸蚌。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • We dug clams in the flats et low tide. 退潮时我们在浅滩挖蛤蜊。 来自辞典例句
41 superfluous EU6zf     
adj.过多的,过剩的,多余的
参考例句:
  • She fined away superfluous matter in the design. 她删去了这图案中多余的东西。
  • That request seemed superfluous when I wrote it.我这样写的时候觉得这个请求似乎是多此一举。
42 entirely entirely     
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
  • His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。
43 steadily Qukw6     
adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地
参考例句:
  • The scope of man's use of natural resources will steadily grow.人类利用自然资源的广度将日益扩大。
  • Our educational reform was steadily led onto the correct path.我们的教学改革慢慢上轨道了。
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TAG标签:   马克吐温  短篇小说
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