12 the woman in the mirror

the woman in the mirror

When I was 11, I found out I had a brain tumor¹（脑肿瘤）. I had surgery to remove it, but the size and location of the tumor caused my optic nerve to atrophy². For three years afterward³, I had partial sight, but my ophthalmologist told me that eventually I would go blind. At the end of my 14th year, doctors pronounced me legally blind and said there was nothing that could be done. I had a 5 percent chance of surviving the tumor, and I did, but somehow I could never deal with the fact that I was going blind. I tried to behave as if everything were just fine. When it happened, I was devastated⁴.

My dad left us when I was 5, and I took that really hard. Because of that, and because I was blind on top of it, my greatest fear was that no one was ever going to love me, that I would never get married and have kids and a full life. I was afraid of being alone, and I guess that is what I thought blindness meant.

Ten years later, on Nov. 16 of last year, I was cooking dinner and leaned over to kiss my guide dog, Ami. I lost my balance and hit my head on the corner of my coffee table and then on the floor. It wasn't unusual. When you are blind, you hit yourself all the time. I got up, finished making dinner and went to bed.

When I woke up, I could see. Light was coming through my window, and the curtains were drawn⁵. Of course, I was shocked, but not scared, not like when I lost my sight. There is a big mirror in my bedroom, but I didn't look at myself right away. I wanted to wash my hair and put on makeup⁶ first. I do not look good in the morning, and I didn't want to be frightened. As I was showering, I caught my reflection . And just that left me speechless, really.

The last time I saw myself, I had short hair, a pale complexion（肤色） and features that didn't show because I had such light eyebrows⁷ and eyelashes. I looked awful, like a teenage girl, I suppose. Now, all of a sudden, I realized that it was true what people told me, that I was an attractive woman. When I stood in front of the mirror, I reached to touch my face. That is what I had been doing for 10 years -- it was how I understood -- so it was a natural impulse. It was not until I saw myself that I realized how much my memory had faded of things I once could see. It was about four hours before I told anyone. I stayed with Ami. We looked at each other and played outside in the yard.

I just wanted to be alone, and take it in （让...进入; 改小; 接受; 改短）. It was so much.

The strange thing was that I knew it was going to happen. About a week before, I was walking Ami and suddenly saw blue dots in front of my left eye, the one I would regain⁸ my sight in. I told my mum because I found it funny; blue had been my favorite color and was the easiest color for me to see when I had partial sight. I took it as a sign.

People don't treat me differently now. I was always completely independent. I lived in Auckland, New Zealand, in my own flat with my dog. I would have parties and go clubbing. I would listen to the beat of the music and go with it and hope for the best. When your friends grab you and point you in the other direction because they are actually over there, that is when you remember you're blind.

I also loved movies. Going to the movies blind was like someone telling you a really good story with great sound effects, and you make up all the images in your head. I haven't been back since I regained⁹ my sight. But I've been able to see my favorite soap, ''Shortland Street.'' And my friends took out magazines and pointed¹⁰ out Pamela Lee Anderson and Brad Pitt. The biggest surprise was Brad Pitt. I just thought, What is everyone going on about? The best was seeing my boyfriend. He rode the ferry over, and I knew him the moment I saw him. He was as sexy as I had imagined.

I am not surprised that things are pretty much the same in my life. I didn't expect anything more than what I have now. I worked very hard to surround myself with genuine people and to create a normal life for myself. I am still the same person. It just means that physically¹¹, perhaps, I can share more and put the two together: the feelings I had, with sight.

The same doctor who told me I would never see again told me I had regained 80 percent of the vision in my left eye. To be able to look him in the eye and tell him I could see again -- honestly, that felt pretty damn good. He ran all the tests and made me read the eye chart, but he has no explanation. He said himself, and still says, that once the optic nerve is damaged, it cannot regenerate¹².

I don't think the knock on the head had anything to do with it. If others want to believe that is how it happened, that is fine. But I consider this a miracle. There is no other way to describe it. Some things just cannot be explained. Of course, some people are skeptical¹³ . For me, it is precious. I try not to think about the possibility of going blind again. But my recovery would be no less (简直) a miracle even if I lost my sight tomorrow.

1 tumor   

n.（肿）瘤，肿块(英)tumour

参考例句：

• He was died of a malignant tumor.他死于恶性肿瘤。
• The surgeons irradiated the tumor.外科医生用X射线照射那个肿瘤。

2 atrophy   

n./v.萎缩，虚脱，衰退

参考例句：

• Patients exercised their atrophied limbs in the swimming pool.病人们在泳池里锻炼萎缩的四肢。
• Many hoped he would renew the country's atrophied political system.很多人都期望他能使该国萎靡的政治体系振作起来。

3 afterward   

adv.后来；以后

参考例句：

• Let's go to the theatre first and eat afterward. 让我们先去看戏，然后吃饭。
• Afterward,the boy became a very famous artist.后来，这男孩成为一个很有名的艺术家。

4 devastated   

v.彻底破坏( devastate的过去式和过去分词)；摧毁；毁灭；在感情上（精神上、财务上等）压垮adj.毁坏的；极为震惊的

参考例句：

• The bomb devastated much of the old part of the city. 这颗炸弹炸毁了旧城的一大片地方。
• His family is absolutely devastated. 他的一家感到极为震惊。

5 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

6 makeup   

n.组织；性格；化装品

参考例句：

• Those who failed the exam take a makeup exam.这次考试不及格的人必须参加补考。
• Do you think her beauty could makeup for her stupidity?你认为她的美丽能弥补她的愚蠢吗？

7 eyebrows   

眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Eyebrows stop sweat from coming down into the eyes. 眉毛挡住汗水使其不能流进眼睛。
• His eyebrows project noticeably. 他的眉毛特别突出。

8 regain   

vt.重新获得，收复，恢复

参考例句：

• He is making a bid to regain his World No.1 ranking.他正为重登世界排名第一位而努力。
• The government is desperate to regain credibility with the public.政府急于重新获取公众的信任。

9 regained   

复得( regain的过去式和过去分词 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地

参考例句：

• The majority of the people in the world have regained their liberty. 世界上大多数人已重获自由。
• She hesitated briefly but quickly regained her poise. 她犹豫片刻，但很快恢复了镇静。

10 pointed   

adj.尖的，直截了当的

参考例句：

• He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
• She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。

11 physically   

adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律

参考例句：

• He was out of sorts physically,as well as disordered mentally.他浑身不舒服，心绪也很乱。
• Every time I think about it I feel physically sick.一想起那件事我就感到极恶心。

12 regenerate   

vt.使恢复，使新生；vi.恢复，再生；adj.恢复的

参考例句：

• Their aim is to regenerate British industry.他们的目的是复兴英国的工业。
• Although it is not easy,you have the power to regenerate your life.尽管这不容易，但你有使生活重获新生的能力。

13 skeptical   

adj.怀疑的，多疑的

参考例句：

• Others here are more skeptical about the chances for justice being done.这里的其他人更为怀疑正义能否得到伸张。
• Her look was skeptical and resigned.她的表情是将信将疑而又无可奈何。