美国国家公共电台 NPR 'I Was Full Of Rage': Author Rebecca Stott On Growing Up In A Christian Cult

 

A MARTINEZ, HOST:

Growing up in an ultra-religious household can be hard to navigate¹. I was raised in a strict Pentecostal family, and I remember not being able to go trick-or-treating with my friends on Halloween or not having any sign of Santa Claus at Christmas because all of these things were deemed to be inspired by Satan. When you're a little kid, it all makes sense because that's just how it is. However, it takes getting older to realize that you're different than everyone else.

That was the experience of Rebecca Stott, but it went deeper. She grew up in England as part of a fundamentalist Christian² group that was closed off to the rest of the world. In her new book, "In The Days Of Rain: A Daughter, A Father, A Cult³," she introduces us to the community of Exclusive Brethren. Rebecca, welcome.

REBECCA STOTT: Hello.

MARTINEZ: So Exclusive Brethren - tell us about who they are and what they believe in.

STOTT: Well, they started out as the Plymouth Brethren in the 1830s, at a time when there were lots of small groups breaking away from the established church. And they set themselves up to live by the principles of the early Christian church and to worship together and not have priests. It was all very egalitarian. It was very pure.

And within a couple of decades, they started to split. And there was one group that split off from the main group because they thought the main group weren't being strict enough or separatist enough. My family began - I'm fourth-generation Exclusive Brethren. Then in the '60s, the 1960s, just before I was born, a new leader took over and decided⁴ that they still weren't strict enough.

MARTINEZ: (Laughter) Oh, wow.

STOTT: So they believe in the rapture⁵. And unless they stick to Brethren rules and have no contact with the outside world, they'll be left behind in the rapture. So that's essentially⁶ them. They're very conservative, very secretive.

MARTINEZ: So this new leader - when he took over, what kind of things did he change?

STOTT: He upped all the stakes, really. He decided that the Brethren were not being hardline enough, that they weren't being separate enough. And he enforced the rule that if you had a teenager in your house who had been raised in the Brethren but was not yet breaking bread - i.e., fully⁷ compliant⁸ - you couldn't eat with them. You couldn't eat with non-Brethren outside. You couldn't go to the cinema or have radios or television or newspapers.

So effectively, he not only separated off the Brethren from all contact with the outside world - you know, they might have been able before to have worked for non-Brethren. Now they had to work for other Brethren. And there was a great deal more compliance⁹ and surveillance as well. There's a lot of mass confessions¹⁰. There are a lot of punishments for noncompliant behavior.

MARTINEZ: Now, you mention you were born into it. And your father wasn't just part of it. He was a high-ranking leader. How high did his influence go?

STOTT: He was ranked as one of the promising¹¹ young men. When he was dying, he described himself as a brownshirt and as a young Nazi¹². And I'd say, oh, don't be absurd - that you were a preacher in an extreme religious group. But he'd say, it's not the scale of what we did. It's the pattern, he said. All cults¹³ are run in the same way, and they need those kind of young bloods, those zealous¹⁴ young men, to enforce their rules. And he was one of those.

MARTINEZ: How? In what way?

STOTT: He would - one of the ways that they kept the power was to - if anyone was not toeing the party line, they'd be visited by a couple of priests, or ministering brothers. And that person would be interrogated¹⁵ for hours about whatever sinful act or thought they were supposed to have committed. And if they weren't compliant after that, they'd be expected to stay in isolation¹⁶ in a room in their house for as long as it took until the priests, people like my father and my grandfather, deemed them right with the Lord again. And that could go on for weeks. And sometimes people went mad or, in some terrible cases, committed suicide. So...

MARTINEZ: So Rebecca, your father was responsible then, for some of these things in some ways, by enforcing the rules.

STOTT: Him and many, many others. You know, I - when he lay dying, he was absolutely tormented¹⁷ by those memories of things that he had done. He was a very divided man. You know, on the one hand, he wanted to comply. And on the other hand - when I was growing up, I'd listen to him preach about radios and how wicked they were. But I knew he had a radio in the tire compartment¹⁸ of his car, which he listened to the cricket scores on (laughter).

MARTINEZ: Well, how did - OK. Then how did you square that, then? Knowing what your father was telling you, knowing how you were growing up, how did you square that with everything you were taught?

STOTT: Well, I was pretty tormented, too, but I think in a different way because I was full of rage. I remember I couldn't show it. I was very good at not showing it 'cause as it Brethren girl, you know, we had to keep our heads covered. We had to grow our hair long. We had to be silent. So my father had secrets. My brothers had secrets. Everyone had secrets.

MARTINEZ: Wow.

STOTT: Everyone was breaking the rules, you know. So then you think - am I supposed to go and tell? You know, is that what the Lord wants me to do? Or do I protect them?

MARTINEZ: What happened to your family's relationship with the Brethren?

STOTT: We left in the early '70s. So in 1970, there was a huge scandal. Jim Taylor Jr., the big leader, was found in bed with one of the younger sisters. She was married. He was very drunk. He was completely incoherent. He was in his 70s. She was in her 30s. Eight thousand people came out, including my father and my grandfather and our - most of my immediate¹⁹ family. So we came into the big, wide world.

MARTINEZ: How was that?

STOTT: Well, it was astonishing. I think that the grown-ups around us were much too confused themselves to be able to sort of sit down and tell us that when they said that television sets belong to Satan, maybe they hadn't been right. Suddenly, we've got a television set in our house. Suddenly, we've got a radio...

MARTINEZ: Oh, boy.

STOTT: ...(Laughter) In our house. And suddenly, we're being taken to go and see "Gone With The Wind" in the cinema.

MARTINEZ: (Laughter).

STOTT: So for me, I just remember this incredible sense of vertigo²⁰ and glancing at my mother constantly, like, is this OK? Are we allowed to do this?

MARTINEZ: How did working on this make sense of your childhood for you?

STOTT: You know, when my father died, I promised him I would try to write this book for him really. And then I quickly realized that I was writing it for the little girl who was angry, you know - I call her the girl in the red cardigan. I have a picture of her, and she's biting her tongue (laughter) all the time, you know - and also to try to trace the ways in which that experience had a long tail, if you like.

I have a section of the book called Aftermath. And my father became an addicted²¹ roulette player after he left the Brethren, and that put an enormous strain on the family. My parents divorced. My father ended up in prison when I was 16. He was very, very chaotic²². I understand that now, you know. He was impossible, infuriating and wonderful. In the year that I was studying "Macbeth" for my O-levels, he decided I had to see every single production of "Macbeth" that year. So we saw 13 productions.

MARTINEZ: Oh, wow.

STOTT: And in most car journeys, he'd be playing me music and reciting poetry. So it was really extraordinary being a daughter of such a man.

MARTINEZ: Rebecca, I mentioned earlier how I grew up in a very religious family. I don't go to church that much anymore. Actually, I don't go at all. So I'm wondering, for you, where is your faith now? Do you still have it?

STOTT: No one's asked me that question (laughter). I would say that one of the things I expected from this book was that it would lay some ghosts for me, and I think it has. I still cannot open the Bible without hearing the sound of those men using scriptures²⁴ almost like rapiers with each other. They knew the Bible inside out, so they would use one scripture²³ to trump²⁵ another. And it was all men locking horns, you know. So it's hard for me not to see the Bible full of words that have been used for warfare²⁶, if you like.

And yeah, I've been surprised at the effect on me of writing the book and also of the many, many people who have written to me, ex-Brethren - I would say 70 or 80 by now - beautiful letters from elderly people writing to me to say, the Brethren was a terrible thing. We all lived through it - and telling me their stories but saying, I came to find a kinder God and kinder Christians²⁷ outside. And I've been really moved by how much people have wanted me to know about their kinder God.

MARTINEZ: Rebecca Stott's book is "In The Days Of Rain: A Daughter, A Father, A Cult." Rebecca, thanks.

STOTT: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF POPPY ACKROYD'S "ALIQUOT")

1 navigate   

v.航行，飞行；导航，领航

参考例句：

• He was the first man to navigate the Atlantic by air.他是第一个飞越大西洋的人。
• Such boats can navigate on the Nile.这种船可以在尼罗河上航行。

2 Christian   

adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒

参考例句：

• They always addressed each other by their Christian name.他们总是以教名互相称呼。
• His mother is a sincere Christian.他母亲是个虔诚的基督教徒。

3 cult   

n.异教，邪教；时尚，狂热的崇拜

参考例句：

• Her books aren't bestsellers,but they have a certain cult following.她的书算不上畅销书，但有一定的崇拜者。
• The cult of sun worship is probably the most primitive one.太阳崇拜仪式或许是最为原始的一种。

4 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

5 rapture   

n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜

参考例句：

• His speech was received with rapture by his supporters.他的演说受到支持者们的热烈欢迎。
• In the midst of his rapture,he was interrupted by his father.他正欢天喜地，被他父亲打断了。

6 essentially   

adv.本质上，实质上，基本上

参考例句：

• Really great men are essentially modest.真正的伟人大都很谦虚。
• She is an essentially selfish person.她本质上是个自私自利的人。

7 fully   

adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地

参考例句：

• The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气，然后全部呼出。
• They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。

8 compliant   

adj.服从的，顺从的

参考例句：

• I don't respect people who are too compliant.我看不起那种唯命是从，唯唯诺诺的人。
• For years I had tried to be a compliant and dutiful wife.几年来，我努力做一名顺从和尽职尽职的妻子。

9 compliance   

n.顺从；服从；附和；屈从

参考例句：

• I was surprised by his compliance with these terms.我对他竟然依从了这些条件而感到吃惊。
• She gave up the idea in compliance with his desire.她顺从他的愿望而放弃自己的主意。

10 confessions   

n.承认( confession的名词复数 )；自首；声明；（向神父的）忏悔

参考例句：

• It is strictly forbidden to obtain confessions and to give them credence. 严禁逼供信。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• Neither trickery nor coercion is used to secure confessions. 既不诱供也不逼供。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

11 promising   

adj.有希望的，有前途的

参考例句：

• The results of the experiments are very promising.实验的结果充满了希望。
• We're trying to bring along one or two promising young swimmers.我们正设法培养出一两名有前途的年轻游泳选手。

12 Nazi   

n.纳粹分子，adj.纳粹党的，纳粹的

参考例句：

• They declare the Nazi regime overthrown and sue for peace.他们宣布纳粹政权已被推翻，并出面求和。
• Nazi closes those war criminals inside their concentration camp.纳粹把那些战犯关在他们的集中营里。

13 cults   

n.迷信( cult的名词复数 )；狂热的崇拜；（有极端宗教信仰的）异教团体

参考例句：

• Religious cults and priesthoods are sectarian by nature. 宗教崇拜和僧侣界天然就有派性。 来自辞典例句
• All these religions were flourishing side by side with many less prominent cults. 所有这些宗教和许多次要的教派一起，共同繁荣。 来自英汉非文学 - 历史

14 zealous   

adj.狂热的，热心的

参考例句：

• She made zealous efforts to clean up the classroom.她非常热心地努力清扫教室。
• She is a zealous supporter of our cause.她是我们事业的热心支持者。

15 interrogated   

v.询问( interrogate的过去式和过去分词 )；审问；（在计算机或其他机器上）查询

参考例句：

• He was interrogated by the police for over 12 hours. 他被警察审问了12个多小时。
• Two suspects are now being interrogated in connection with the killing. 与杀人案有关的两名嫌疑犯正在接受审讯。 来自《简明英汉词典》

16 isolation   

n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离

参考例句：

• The millionaire lived in complete isolation from the outside world.这位富翁过着与世隔绝的生活。
• He retired and lived in relative isolation.他退休后，生活比较孤寂。

17 tormented   

饱受折磨的

参考例句：

• The knowledge of his guilt tormented him. 知道了自己的罪责使他非常痛苦。
• He had lain awake all night, tormented by jealousy. 他彻夜未眠，深受嫉妒的折磨。

18 compartment   

n.卧车包房，隔间；分隔的空间

参考例句：

• We were glad to have the whole compartment to ourselves.真高兴，整个客车隔间由我们独享。
• The batteries are safely enclosed in a watertight compartment.电池被安全地置于一个防水的隔间里。

19 immediate   

adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的

参考例句：

• His immediate neighbours felt it their duty to call.他的近邻认为他们有责任去拜访。
• We declared ourselves for the immediate convocation of the meeting.我们主张立即召开这个会议。

20 vertigo   

n.眩晕

参考例句：

• He had a dreadful attack of vertigo.他忽然头晕得厉害。
• If you have vertigo it seems as if the whole room is spinning round you.如果你头晕，就会觉得整个房间都旋转起来

21 addicted   

adj.沉溺于....的，对...上瘾的

参考例句：

• He was addicted to heroin at the age of 17.他17岁的时候对海洛因上了瘾。
• She's become addicted to love stories.她迷上了爱情小说。

22 chaotic   

adj.混沌的，一片混乱的，一团糟的

参考例句：

• Things have been getting chaotic in the office recently.最近办公室的情况越来越乱了。
• The traffic in the city was chaotic.这城市的交通糟透了。

23 scripture   

n.经文，圣书，手稿；Scripture:(常用复数)《圣经》，《圣经》中的一段

参考例句：

• The scripture states that God did not want us to be alone.圣经指出上帝并不是想让我们独身一人生活。
• They invoked Hindu scripture to justify their position.他们援引印度教的经文为他们的立场辩护。

24 scriptures   

经文，圣典( scripture的名词复数 )； 经典

参考例句：

• Here the apostle Peter affirms his belief that the Scriptures are 'inspired'. 使徒彼得在此表达了他相信《圣经》是通过默感写成的。
• You won't find this moral precept in the scriptures. 你在《圣经》中找不到这种道德规范。

25 trump   

n.王牌，法宝；v.打出王牌，吹喇叭

参考例句：

• He was never able to trump up the courage to have a showdown.他始终鼓不起勇气摊牌。
• The coach saved his star player for a trump card.教练保留他的明星选手，作为他的王牌。

26 warfare   

n.战争(状态)；斗争；冲突

参考例句：

• He addressed the audience on the subject of atomic warfare.他向听众演讲有关原子战争的问题。
• Their struggle consists mainly in peasant guerrilla warfare.他们的斗争主要是农民游击战。

27 Christians   

n.基督教徒( Christian的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Christians of all denominations attended the conference. 基督教所有教派的人都出席了这次会议。
• His novel about Jesus caused a furore among Christians. 他关于耶稣的小说激起了基督教徒的公愤。