美国国家公共电台 NPR Behind The Real Sex And Love Addiction In The Musical Film 'Unlovable'

 

LULU GARCIA-NAVARRO, HOST:

In the new film "Unlovable," we witness Joy, a woman played by Charlene deGuzman, hit bottom because of an addiction² to sex and love. And a quick warning. As you can imagine, this conversation may be unsuitable for younger listeners as it involves adult subject matter. Starting with this clip from the film.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "UNLOVABLE")

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As character) How are you?

CHARLENE DEGUZMAN: (As Joy) I lost my boyfriend. I lost my apartment. I lost my job. Oh, and I just banged a bunch of random³ dudes at the same time, and I don't remember. I think I need help.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: Help comes in the form of a support group and an unlikely friendship where Joy learns to stop having unhealthy sex and starts making music. Charlene deGuzman also co-wrote the script. It's based loosely on her own struggles with sex and love addiction.

DEGUZMAN: You know, I was always a love addict¹ for sure, ever since I was even little.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: She says she had her first boyfriend at 13, jumping from relationship to relationship until she got into recovery when she was 30 years old.

DEGUZMAN: And a friend had told me about sex and love addiction. And I tried some meetings at the time. That was in 2011. And I didn't think I needed them. I really thought I had control of this.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: But she didn't. With one particular ex-boyfriend, she relapsed, having sex with him for three days in a row. And then he ghosted her.

DEGUZMAN: I almost killed myself that day because I didn't want to live anymore. I could not believe that I was here yet again with an unavailable person unable to leave, my whole life revolving⁴ around this person. And in that moment on that day when I was about to kill myself, he eventually called back. And just seeing his name and his picture on my phone, I felt the pain leave my body immediately. Like, it felt like a drug. And it was that moment that I realized that I was truly sick, and I needed to get help.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: There's a scene in the movie where you tell your parents about your sex and love addiction. And your mom's reaction is basically, let me make you spaghetti, your favorite - sort of not reacting. Is this taken from real life? Was it hard to communicate what you were dealing⁵ with your friends and family?

DEGUZMAN: Yeah. You know, so I come from a family that doesn't really talk about anything, you know, let alone sex. My parents immigrated⁶ here from the Philippines. And we were very Catholic. And, you know everything was very hush⁷, hush. You didn't really even feel your feelings or express your feelings, let alone talk about them. So it was very difficult for me to start sharing my story. I think even talking about how this came about in terms of my experiences when I was a child, my trauma⁸ - that was really hard for people to hear, I think.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: You mentioned childhood trauma. And in the film, your character Joy has her own. She sees her dad watching a lot of pornography...

DEGUZMAN: Yeah.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: ...And sort of internalizes that.

DEGUZMAN: Yeah, that was actually accurate to my personal story, you know, seeing my dad's very unconscious obsession⁹ with women and being surrounded by the centerfolds in my garage. You know, there were collage¹⁰ top to bottom, wall to wall in the garage growing up. And then the lack of boundaries of getting porn from my dad with my mom and stuff like that and then watching the porn myself when I was very, very young - that's a form of serious trauma on, you know, a little child's brain to see those kinds of images over and over again. So I think what really affected¹¹ me about that was making up this story very early on in my childhood that that was what an ideal woman was. You know, my dad liked those women. So it's like I wanted to be one of those women. That's what a man wanted - is what I told myself.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: The character that you play in the film - you see Joy struggling to stay, quote, unquote, "sober" where she's abstaining¹² from sex for about 30 days. And she tries reading and knitting and painting and cooking. Was it like that for you?

DEGUZMAN: Yeah, because when I got sober from my ex and sex and romance, I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I liked to do. I didn't know what made me happy. So I really had to explore and see what I liked to do. And I actually made a list of things that I always wanted to do. And I started exploring. You know, I went to puppet school. I tried Pilates and yoga and hiking and all of these different things. And I found all of these things that I loved to do and made me happy. And it really helped me get through. And the thing that got me through the most was creativity.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: One of the things that this film does is show unique friendship. And that is in the form of your sponsor's brother in the film, who's a bit of a recluse¹³, played by the actor John Hawkes. The two of you don't hit it off right away. But when you do, you end up playing together in a garage, you on the drums, him on the guitar. And I understand that he actually wrote many of the songs for the film.

DEGUZMAN: Yes, they're all original songs written by John. And he's just absolutely amazing and talented. And I'm so glad that the world is going to be able to experience his talent and his music.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: Let's listen.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

JOHN HAWKES: (Singing) You got a finger on the trigger. If I could be of use, I'd tell you life gets better when you slip off your noose¹⁴.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: How did you get healthy? What does love and intimacy¹⁵ look like for you now?

DEGUZMAN: You know, it's an ongoing¹⁶ journey. But once I was sober for about a year and a half, I did need to learn how to date and involve myself with other people with healthy intimacy again. And so I did a healthy dating plan, which was essentially¹⁷ going very slow and learning how to get to know someone and go really slow until having sex with them and committing to them. And so I dated a few people. But then I eventually met my current partner, who - we've been together for 2 1/2 years now.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: That's lovely. Congratulations.

DEGUZMAN: Thank you.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: What's your message to women who might be struggling with this or men?

DEGUZMAN: You know, it affects men and women very equally. And I would just say that there is help and hope available. It's taking that courage to ask for help because you can't do it alone. And you're not alone. And that love has to come from you first. And I really used to be in a place where I hated myself so much. And I swore to it that I hated myself. And to be in a place now where I can confidently say that I love myself and I choose myself first, it really is a miracle. And I really got to say if I can do it, anybody can do it.

GARCIA-NAVARRO: That's Charlene deGuzman, star and co-writer of the new film "Unlovable." Thank you so very much.

DEGUZMAN: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

1 addict   

v.使沉溺；使上瘾；n.沉溺于不良嗜好的人

参考例句：

• He became gambling addict,and lost all his possessions.他习染上了赌博，最终输掉了全部家产。
• He assisted a drug addict to escape from drug but failed firstly.一开始他帮助一个吸毒者戒毒但失败了。

2 addiction   

n.上瘾入迷，嗜好

参考例句：

• He stole money from his parents to feed his addiction.他从父母那儿偷钱以满足自己的嗜好。
• Areas of drug dealing are hellholes of addiction,poverty and murder.贩卖毒品的地区往往是吸毒上瘾、贫困和发生谋杀的地方。

3 random   

adj.随机的；任意的；n.偶然的(或随便的)行动

参考例句：

• The list is arranged in a random order.名单排列不分先后。
• On random inspection the meat was found to be bad.经抽查，发现肉变质了。

4 revolving   

adj.旋转的，轮转式的；循环的v.（使）旋转( revolve的现在分词 )；细想

参考例句：

• The theatre has a revolving stage. 剧院有一个旋转舞台。
• The company became a revolving-door workplace. 这家公司成了工作的中转站。

5 dealing   

n.经商方法，待人态度

参考例句：

• This store has an excellent reputation for fair dealing.该商店因买卖公道而享有极高的声誉。
• His fair dealing earned our confidence.他的诚实的行为获得我们的信任。

6 immigrated   

v.移入( immigrate的过去式和过去分词 )；移民

参考例句：

• He immigrated from Ulster in 1848. 他1848年从阿尔斯特移民到这里。 来自辞典例句
• Many Pakistanis have immigrated to Britain. 许多巴基斯坦人移居到了英国。 来自辞典例句

7 hush   

int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静

参考例句：

• A hush fell over the onlookers.旁观者们突然静了下来。
• Do hush up the scandal!不要把这丑事声张出去！

8 trauma   

n.外伤，精神创伤

参考例句：

• Counselling is helping him work through this trauma.心理辅导正帮助他面对痛苦。
• The phobia may have its root in a childhood trauma.恐惧症可能源于童年时期的创伤。

9 obsession   

n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感)

参考例句：

• I was suffering from obsession that my career would be ended.那时的我陷入了我的事业有可能就此终止的困扰当中。
• She would try to forget her obsession with Christopher.她会努力忘记对克里斯托弗的迷恋。

10 collage   

n.拼贴画；v.拼贴；把……创作成拼贴画

参考例句：

• A collage of coloured paper covers a table top.一副彩纸拼贴画盖在桌面上。
• He has used a mixture of mosaic,collage and felt-tip pen.他混合使用了马赛克、拼贴画和毡头笔。

11 affected   

adj.不自然的，假装的

参考例句：

• She showed an affected interest in our subject.她假装对我们的课题感到兴趣。
• His manners are affected.他的态度不自然。

12 abstaining   

戒（尤指酒），戒除( abstain的现在分词 )； 弃权（不投票）

参考例句：

• Abstaining from killing, from taking what is not given, & from illicIt'sex. 诸比丘！远离杀生，远离不与取，于爱欲远离邪行。
• Abstaining from arguments was also linked to an unusual daily cortisol pattern. 压抑争吵也造成每日异常的皮质醇波动。

13 recluse   

n.隐居者

参考例句：

• The old recluse secluded himself from the outside world.这位老隐士与外面的世界隔绝了。
• His widow became a virtual recluse for the remainder of her life.他的寡妻孤寂地度过了余生。

14 noose   

n.绳套，绞索（刑）；v.用套索捉；使落入圈套；处以绞刑

参考例句：

• They tied a noose round her neck.他们在她脖子上系了一个活扣。
• A hangman's noose had already been placed around his neck.一个绞刑的绳圈已经套在他的脖子上。

15 intimacy   

n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行

参考例句：

• His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切，这有点言过其实。
• I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。

16 ongoing   

adj.进行中的，前进的

参考例句：

• The problem is ongoing.这个问题尚未解决。
• The issues raised in the report relate directly to Age Concern's ongoing work in this area.报告中提出的问题与“关心老人”组织在这方面正在做的工作有直接的关系。

17 essentially   

adv.本质上，实质上，基本上

参考例句：

• Really great men are essentially modest.真正的伟人大都很谦虚。
• She is an essentially selfish person.她本质上是个自私自利的人。