美国国家公共电台 NPR 'The New Me' Is Meh About Ambition And Adulthood

 

AILSA CHANG, HOST:

How many of us have felt, at some point in our work lives, stuck in dead-end jobs, where the work we were doing was unimaginative and soul-sucking, where the purpose was - well, what was the purpose anyway? Writer Halle Butler has had her share of those experiences working as a temp.

HALLE BUTLER: I had one job where I went into a file room. And it was maybe 15 by 15 feet. And it was filled floor to ceiling with old documents that I was supposed to shred¹. And the whole thing had kind of a feeling of, you know, the beginning of the Rumplestiltskin fairy tale, where you're - she has to spin all this stuff into gold, except I was creating garbage.

CHANG: In her new book "The New Me," Butler explores how paralyzing a terrible job can be. Her story focuses on a 30-year-old woman named Millie, who wanders from temp job to temp job. She's a character you really don't want to see yourself in but you kind of do. And that's where I started when I spoke² with Halle Butler earlier.

BUTLER: Sometimes, I refer to her as kind of a gremlin.

(LAUGHTER)

BUTLER: She's like this all-knowing gremlin. On the inside, she has this really ornate way of describing the world around her. And she's very judgmental. And she's very hostile and - almost in a Dickensian sense. She really takes a lot of pleasure in describing the faults of others. But it makes her feel bad because she can't have any friends, and she can't, you know, do anything good for herself.

CHANG: On the outside, it's like she fades into the background. She seems like someone who realizes that she's forgettable. I mean...

BUTLER: Yes.

CHANG: ...When you just meet her in, say, the coffee room or something. And she takes that to heart, but she doesn't do anything to change that.

BUTLER: Yeah. What's she supposed to do? Hi. How are you doing? I'm Millie. I've been thinking about how much I hate you for three months.

(LAUGHTER)

CHANG: I mean, there's so many scenes in this book that capture the stupid, pointless things that we swallow to get along in the workplace. Like, Millie just willingly submits herself to all of that. There's this moment where she's being shown how to use a paper clip.

BUTLER: (Laughter).

CHANG: Big side on the bottom, little side on the top - and she's like, OK. That makes sense, like, you know, like, very dutifully. What was it that you were trying to depict³ in that scene?

BUTLER: I imagine her on the outside, being like, oh, yeah, totally. That makes sense.

CHANG: Right.

BUTLER: But then on the inside, being like...

CHANG: Are you kidding me?

BUTLER: Yes, I will do this. Are you kidding? So that tension - and it's a tension that sort of ends up infecting her body, too. Her shoulders are always tight. She's always hunching⁴. And it's these little things that just sort of ratchet her up. So I wanted that tension between the outside and the inside, if that makes sense.

CHANG: Right. On the outside, she seems so compliant⁵, so agreeable, so placid⁶. On the inside, she's furious and sad and frustrated⁷.

BUTLER: Yeah. And I think through - as the book goes on, the inside stuff starts to come out a little bit more. I mean, I think it's left intentionally⁸ a little washy. But she does - I mean, her grooming⁹ isn't all that great near the end, you know? Like, it does - all the lines kind of start to bleed.

CHANG: Yeah. So she's kind of like just continuing almost in a daze¹⁰. And then she finds this new surge of energy when the possibility of a promotion¹¹ arrives. There's this checklist in her head of what a better life would represent. It means new clothes, more vegetables. It means yoga. And then that, ultimately, proves to be this hollow fantasy, doesn't it?

BUTLER: Yeah. I think there's something manic and performative about her enthusiasm for integrating into this Instacart online shopping...

CHANG: For the groceries.

BUTLER: ...For the groceries, yeah.

CHANG: It's like she has this picture in her head of what other people are aspiring¹² to. And she's like, all right. I'll just, like, make a checklist of those things. And...

BUTLER: I'll try it. Maybe it'll help (laughter).

CHANG: Yeah, yeah - you know, like fake it till you make it kind of thing.

BUTLER: Yeah, yeah. But fake it till you make it - but also, I'm thinking now that there's something about the why of the work that's underscored in that act of hers. It's not, good. Maybe I'd have more responsibilities. Maybe my work would become more fulfilling in and of itself. The reason to do work in the world of this book is only so you can have money, so that you can buy...

CHANG: Right.

BUTLER: ...A cardigan.

CHANG: And go to yoga classes.

BUTLER: And go to yoga classes.

CHANG: Right. Work is just a way to get those things that other people seem to want.

BUTLER: Yeah.

CHANG: This book is also or, maybe, really a story about depression and how the simplest things can feel so insurmountable when someone's struggling with depression. I mean, Millie has to psych herself up to clean her apartment, to wash herself, to make herself look nice, to get herself out of the door. It was painful to read.

BUTLER: Good.

(LAUGHTER)

BUTLER: Yeah, that's what - I wanted it to be painful to read while also being funny at times. This is another thing that I thought was an interesting match about dead-end jobs and depression, and that's this feeling of endlessness and also complete lack of energy. One of the symptoms of depression or one of the feelings of depression is when you're depressed¹³, you remember that you've always been depressed. And you predict that you always will be depressed. And I think the same feelings come out when work isn't going well, too. I will always have this terrible job.

CHANG: Yeah.

BUTLER: I've always been terrible. I'll always be terrible. I was interested in fusing those two things.

CHANG: I mean, we should point out that this book is really, really funny. And a lot of our conversation has made it sound like the story's incredibly depressing and dour¹⁴ and just a killjoy, but it's not. I was laughing throughout the book, too.

BUTLER: Good. You know, it's what helps the medicine go down or something.

(LAUGHTER)

CHANG: So are you writing full time now? Are you a full-time¹⁵ novelist?

BUTLER: That question makes me so nervous.

CHANG: (Laughter).

BUTLER: But I'll answer it. I have been able to take time off from temping because of the book. I just started writing something new. And also, I'm teaching. And so I'm teaching and writing mostly now.

CHANG: Well, that segues nicely into my next question. Has your conception of adulthood¹⁶ and what success should look like changed?

BUTLER: My conception of adulthood maybe but not my ideas about success - I still feel skeptical¹⁷ of ambition.

CHANG: Really?

BUTLER: Yeah.

CHANG: Why?

BUTLER: Something about it seems to miss the point of how we should experience life. It's helpful to have goals to work towards. And it's good to be working on a project that has inherent meaning and to have relationships that have inherent meaning. But if your goal is to get status or achieve something, you might fail. And then you'll feel terrible or you'll always be approaching situations with that in the back of your mind. And it'll really sour your experience and stress you out.

And I just kind of want to be que sera sera about it. But also, I would like to, you know, be an adult. I don't know. I'd like to feel a little more in control of things. But it's - I'm thinking about it.

CHANG: Halle Butler's new book is called "The New Me." Thank you very much for joining us.

BUTLER: It was my pleasure. Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF 80'S CHILD SONG, "I CAN'T WAIT")

1 shred   

v.撕成碎片，变成碎片；n.碎布条，细片，些少

参考例句：

• There is not a shred of truth in what he says.他说的全是骗人的鬼话。
• The food processor can shred all kinds of vegetables.这架食品加工机可将各种蔬菜切丝切条。

2 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

3 depict   

vt.描画，描绘；描写，描述

参考例句：

• I don't care to see plays or films that depict murders or violence.我不喜欢看描写谋杀或暴力的戏剧或电影。
• Children's books often depict farmyard animals as gentle,lovable creatures.儿童图书常常把农场的动物描写得温和而可爱。

4 hunching   

隆起（hunch的现在分词形式）

参考例句：

• She leaned forward, hunching over the desk. 她身体前倾，伏在写字台上。

5 compliant   

adj.服从的，顺从的

参考例句：

• I don't respect people who are too compliant.我看不起那种唯命是从，唯唯诺诺的人。
• For years I had tried to be a compliant and dutiful wife.几年来，我努力做一名顺从和尽职尽职的妻子。

6 placid   

adj.安静的，平和的

参考例句：

• He had been leading a placid life for the past eight years.八年来他一直过着平静的生活。
• You should be in a placid mood and have a heart-to- heart talk with her.你应该心平气和的好好和她谈谈心。

7 frustrated   

adj.挫败的，失意的，泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的过去式和过去分词 )；挫败；使受挫折；令人沮丧

参考例句：

• It's very easy to get frustrated in this job. 这个工作很容易令人懊恼。
• The bad weather frustrated all our hopes of going out. 恶劣的天气破坏了我们出行的愿望。 来自《简明英汉词典》

8 intentionally   

ad.故意地，有意地

参考例句：

• I didn't say it intentionally. 我是无心说的。
• The local authority ruled that he had made himself intentionally homeless and was therefore not entitled to be rehoused. 当地政府裁定他是有意居无定所，因此没有资格再获得提供住房。

9 grooming   

n. 修饰, 美容，（动物）梳理毛发

参考例句：

• You should always pay attention to personal grooming. 你应随时注意个人仪容。
• We watched two apes grooming each other. 我们看两只猩猩在互相理毛。

10 daze   

v.(使)茫然，(使)发昏

参考例句：

• The blow on the head dazed him for a moment.他头上受了一击后就昏眩了片刻。
• I like dazing to sit in the cafe by myself on Sunday.星期日爱独坐人少的咖啡室发呆。

11 promotion   

n.提升，晋级；促销，宣传

参考例句：

• The teacher conferred with the principal about Dick's promotion.教师与校长商谈了迪克的升级问题。
• The clerk was given a promotion and an increase in salary.那个职员升了级，加了薪。

12 aspiring   

adj.有志气的；有抱负的；高耸的v.渴望；追求

参考例句：

• Aspiring musicians need hours of practice every day. 想当音乐家就要每天练许多小时。
• He came from an aspiring working-class background. 他出身于有抱负的工人阶级家庭。 来自辞典例句

13 depressed   

adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的

参考例句：

• When he was depressed,he felt utterly divorced from reality.他心情沮丧时就感到完全脱离了现实。
• His mother was depressed by the sad news.这个坏消息使他的母亲意志消沉。

14 dour   

adj.冷酷的，严厉的；（岩石）嶙峋的；顽强不屈

参考例句：

• They were exposed to dour resistance.他们遭受到顽强的抵抗。
• She always pretends to be dour,in fact,she's not.她总表现的不爱讲话，事实却相反。

15 full-time   

adj.满工作日的或工作周的，全时间的

参考例句：

• A full-time job may be too much for her.全天工作她恐怕吃不消。
• I don't know how she copes with looking after her family and doing a full-time job.既要照顾家庭又要全天工作，我不知道她是如何对付的。

16 adulthood   

n.成年，成人期

参考例句：

• Some infantile actions survive into adulthood.某些婴儿期的行为一直保持到成年期。
• Few people nowadays are able to maintain friendships into adulthood.如今很少有人能将友谊维持到成年。

17 skeptical   

adj.怀疑的，多疑的

参考例句：

• Others here are more skeptical about the chances for justice being done.这里的其他人更为怀疑正义能否得到伸张。
• Her look was skeptical and resigned.她的表情是将信将疑而又无可奈何。