彭蒙惠英语：Marriage, Not Children, Is a Family’s Center

Marriage, Not Children, Is a Family’s Center

 

By John Rosemond © 2004, The Charlotte Observer,

Knight¹ Ridder Newspapers. Distributed by Tribune Media Services.

 

The natural order of family relationships is marriage first, children second.

 

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Children growing up in America today will face a big problem when they become adults, says family psychologist John Rosemond. “Many, if not most of them—even those growing up in twoparent homes—are not developing a functional² sense of what is truly meant by ‘marriage’ and, therefore, ‘family,’” Rosemond says.

 

Today’s well-intentioned parents rarely act from within the roles of husband and wife. Rather, they act almost exclusively from within the roles of mother and father. The new American ideal of family is based in large part on the mistaken notion that the more attention you give to your children—the more you do for them—the better parent you are.

 

The natural order

In the past, American children grew up in families where the marriage, irrespective of its imperfections, occupied center stage. The mother was a housewife, not a stay-at-home mom in perpetual orbit around her kids. Even if she worked outside the home, she did not arrive home bearing a load of guilt³, which she attempted to discharge by focusing exclusively on her children throughout the evening until they finally consented to go to bed.

 

Likewise the father, when he came home from work, did not romp⁴ with his children all evening, “re-bonding” with them. He came home looking forward to spending a quiet evening with his wife, his intended partner for life.

 

After dinner, Mom and Dad retired⁵ to coffee and conversation in the living room, and the kids found things of their own to do (including their homework, which they did on their own as well). There were exceptions to this general rule, of course, but the husband-wife relationship was markedly stronger than the parent-child relationship.

 

Vocabulary

well-intentioned (adj) [welin5tenFEnd] wanting to have good effects, but sometimes having bad, unexpected effects

irrespective (adj) [7iris5pektiv] without considering; not needing to allow for

orbit (n) [5C:bit] the act of revolving⁶ around something

romp (v) [rCmp] to play in a rough, excited and noisy way

 

家庭中心在婚姻而非子女

 

家庭关系的自然顺序是婚姻第一，子女第二

 

蔡明颖 译

 

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家庭心理学家约翰·罗士蒙指出，现今的美国孩子在长大成人时会面临一个很大的问题。他说：“就算不是大多数，那些在双亲家庭中长大的人，很多都不明白‘婚姻’真正的功能角色，更不用说‘家庭’了。”

今日爱儿女心切的爸妈很少扮演丈夫与妻子的角色。反之，他们几乎完全扮演父亲与母亲的角色。新式的美国理想家庭有一大部分奠基于错误的想法，即你给予孩子愈多注意力，或你为他们做得愈多，就代表你是个愈好的爸爸或妈妈。

 

自然的顺序

过去，纵使婚姻有不完美之处，美国孩子仍在以婚姻为主轴的家庭中成长。妈妈是家庭“主妇”，而非整天在家不断绕着孩子打转的“母亲”。即使她出外工作，回家时也不会满怀罪恶感，想借着整晚将全部心神放在孩子身上，照顾他们直到他们愿意上床，来消除罪恶感。

同样地，爸爸在结束工作回家时，也不会跟孩子玩耍嬉闹一整个晚上，好“重新培养”亲情。他回家期待与妻子这位他选定的人生伴侣，共度一个宁静的夜晚。

晚饭后，爸妈移至客厅，边啜饮咖啡边聊天，而孩子们有自己的事要做（包括功课，这他们也得自己做）。在这个一般性原则下当然有例外，不过夫妻关系却显然比亲子关系更为牢固紧密。

 

1 knight   

n.骑士，武士；爵士

参考例句：

• He was made an honourary knight.他被授予荣誉爵士称号。
• A knight rode on his richly caparisoned steed.一个骑士骑在装饰华丽的马上。

2 functional   

adj.为实用而设计的，具备功能的，起作用的

参考例句：

• The telephone was out of order,but is functional now.电话刚才坏了，但现在可以用了。
• The furniture is not fancy,just functional.这些家具不是摆着好看的，只是为了实用。

3 guilt   

n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责

参考例句：

• She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
• Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。

4 romp   

n.欢闹；v.嬉闹玩笑

参考例句：

• The child went for a romp in the forest.那个孩子去森林快活一把。
• Dogs and little children romped happily in the garden.狗和小孩子们在花园里嬉戏。

5 retired   

adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的

参考例句：

• The old man retired to the country for rest.这位老人下乡休息去了。
• Many retired people take up gardening as a hobby.许多退休的人都以从事园艺为嗜好。

6 revolving   

adj.旋转的，轮转式的；循环的v.（使）旋转( revolve的现在分词 )；细想

参考例句：

• The theatre has a revolving stage. 剧院有一个旋转舞台。
• The company became a revolving-door workplace. 这家公司成了工作的中转站。