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3.Ask Questions 3.问问题
Too many times I entered an argument knowing that I’m right and they’re wrong. 在过去我参与的许多争论中,我知道我是对的而他们是错的。
Because why would I argue if I didn’t feel it worth fighting for? 因为如果我觉得不值得的话我怎么会和他们去争论呢?
But then I realized, why would they think any different? 但是,后来我意识到,为什么他们会有不同的想法呢?
Sometimes it is even better to ask questions rather than ignore the problem because you may begin to judge them without fully1 understanding their view. 有时问问题都比忽视问题要好,因为你有可能会在完全理解对方观点前就开始进行判断。
Simply learning2 why the person thinks a certain way can diminish3 the need for an argument all together. 只要知道为什么对方会这样想就能避免一场争论。
There is always two sides to every story. 凡事皆有两面性。
4.Understand That No One Is You 4.明白自己是独一无二的
No one is ever going to think the same as you. 没有人的想法会和你的一模一样。
We are all very different—different personalities4, different past experiences, and different present situations. 我们都很不一样——不一样的人品性格,过去经历和目前处境。
Learning the way a person thinks is sometimes the only way of truly understanding their position. 学会用别人思考的方式看问题有时是真正理解对方处境的唯一方式。
And here is a bonus tip. 温情提示
Have you been in an argument that had no closure to it—that was just left as an open wound? 你有和别人进行过没有结果只留下未弥合分歧的争论吗?
It’s so important to do everything you can to find that closure. Hard feelings and grudges5 are often the result of unsettled conflict. 尽力得出一个结论很重要,未解决的冲突往往是造成反感和怨恨的原因。
Whenever my brother and I would get into an argument my parents would put us in a room and we couldn’t come out until we had worked it out. 每次我和我兄弟争论,我的父母都会把我们关进一间房子里,没有争出结果就不能出来。
We hated it, but it worked. Finish what you started. 我们很讨厌这样,但真的有用。
It can be a hard thing to do, to go back to that, but re-approaching the situation with the right attitude will help it go smoother. 善始善终可能很难,但是态度端正地重新解决问题会使事情更顺利。
I want to encourage you to think about these four points when you find yourself on the verge6 of a disagreement. 当你感觉自己想要发表不同意见的时候,我想要你思考以上四点。
I have seen many disagreements that didn't end well simply because there wasn't enough communication. 我见过很多因为意见不统一有没有足够地沟通而不欢而散的。
And remember simply thinking before you argue can result in less stress and more understanding, 争论前简单思考一下可以减少压力,增进理解,
while carelessly jumping into an argument can result in regretful actions and damaged relationships. 而无所顾忌地与人争论会让你后悔莫及,破坏关系。
点击收听单词发音
1 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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2 learning | |
n.学问,学识,学习;动词learn的现在分词 | |
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3 diminish | |
vi.变少,变小,降低;vt.减少,减小,降低 | |
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4 personalities | |
n. 诽谤,(对某人容貌、性格等所进行的)人身攻击; 人身攻击;人格, 个性, 名人( personality的名词复数 ) | |
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5 grudges | |
不满,怨恨,妒忌( grudge的名词复数 ) | |
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6 verge | |
n.边,边缘;v.接近,濒临 | |
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