《英语流行话题阅读:语境识词3500》Unit43:教你如何应对妒嫉

　　Unit 43
Handling Jealousy¹
Needless to say, the best protection against jealousy is a good relationship, i.e. prevention is better than a cure. If the love can be kept alive and exciting, that is much more effective than trying to rescue a threatened love. Once jealousy has occurred, however, what works best?
Tough it out -- controlling one's emotions and becoming even more committed to the loved one.
Selective ignoring -- telling oneself that the desired object (the lover or some achievement) was just not that important.
An openly honest "I feel..." response. For example: you see your partner flirting² with a very attractive person at a party. Rather than attacking the partner, what if later you said:" As I watched you with him/her, I immediately felt anxious. There were butterflies in my stomach and I started to imagine that you might try to see him/her later and get all emotionally involved. The idea of your touching³ him/her really upset me. I'm scared you will leave me." Such an frank, unattacking response, which discloses the true feelings behind the jealousy, should make it easy for the flirting partner to respond sympathetically and honestly to the heart of the matter, namely the jealous person's hurt and fears. This honesty is usually the best way to handle jealousy.
What is the best protection against being devastated⁴ by an actual break-up or the possibility of a break-up? Self-esteem⁵ and a belief that your future will work out okay. But esteem has to be developed before the break up, not afterwards. Some simple techniques may be useful in reducing jealousy: stay active, involving yourself with friends, fun, hobbies, work and self-improvement; thought stopping, reducing the jealousy arousing fantasies; desensitization can reduce the emotional response of jealousy just as if it were a fear; venting⁶ will relieve the hurt and angry feelings; seek support from friends and tell them how you feel. Also, you must develop your understanding that jealousy is probably unavoidable to some degree, that you are responsible for your feelings, that some partners are so self-centered they can not be faithful, that no love comes with a life-time guarantee, that there may be very good reasons for your former lover to be interested in someone else, etc. Most of us who have been deeply hurt by a rejection⁷ know, however, that little can be done about the pain during the first several days or weeks. You can try keep busy and "keep your mind off of it," but in the main you just have to tough it out.
Romantic love is selfish. Perhaps the best you can hope for is to learn from this relationship and select a better partner and be a better partner next time. If you break up, the most important thing to remember is:"I am a valuable, lovable person regardless of whether you love me or not. It hurts but I can handle it. I'll get on with my life." For me, the best way to get over a lost love (after a month or so) is to begin carefully looking for a better relationship.

1 jealousy   

n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌

参考例句：

• Some women have a disposition to jealousy.有些女人生性爱妒忌。
• I can't support your jealousy any longer.我再也无法忍受你的嫉妒了。

2 flirting   

v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Don't take her too seriously; she's only flirting with you. 别把她太当真，她只不过是在和你调情罢了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• 'she's always flirting with that new fellow Tseng!" “她还同新来厂里那个姓曾的吊膀子！ 来自子夜部分

3 touching   

adj.动人的，使人感伤的

参考例句：

• It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
• His letter was touching.他的信很感人。

4 devastated   

v.彻底破坏( devastate的过去式和过去分词)；摧毁；毁灭；在感情上（精神上、财务上等）压垮adj.毁坏的；极为震惊的

参考例句：

• The bomb devastated much of the old part of the city. 这颗炸弹炸毁了旧城的一大片地方。
• His family is absolutely devastated. 他的一家感到极为震惊。

5 esteem   

n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• The veteran worker ranks high in public love and esteem.那位老工人深受大伙的爱戴。

6 venting   

消除； 泄去； 排去； 通风

参考例句：

• But, unexpectedly, he started venting his spleen on her. 哪知道，老头子说着说着绕到她身上来。 来自汉英文学 - 骆驼祥子
• So now he's venting his anger on me. 哦，我这才知道原来还是怄我的气。

7 rejection   

n.拒绝，被拒，抛弃，被弃

参考例句：

• He decided not to approach her for fear of rejection.他因怕遭拒绝决定不再去找她。
• The rejection plunged her into the dark depths of despair.遭到拒绝使她陷入了绝望的深渊。