How to be a friend of yourself

 　　Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.- Eleanor Roosevelt

　　We often focus on building relationships with others that we forget the essential first step: being friends of ourselves. That is the crucial first step if we are to have good relationships with others. How can we have good relationships with others if we don't even have good relationship with ourselves?

　　The problem might be worse than we expect. Maybe we don't like ourselves without realizing it. Here is a simple checklist; is there anything you don't like about yourself from these list?

　　Your past

　　Maybe you have made mistakes in the past which you feel bad about. You might be disappointed with yourself on why you could make such mistakes. Even if that happened in distant past, your subconscious¹ mind still has a reason not to like yourself.

　　Your background

　　You might wish that you were born in different family, or that you have different background. Maybe you could not accept the fact that you are not as lucky as others, who seem to get whatever they want effortlessly because of their background.

　　Your personality traits²

　　You might have some personality traits that you don't like. For example, you may be an introvert³ and you don't like it; you wish you are an extrovert⁴.

　　Your achievements relative to others Others might have better achievements than you, and no matter how hard you tried, it might seem impossible for you to match them. You might then think that it's because you are not smart enough or don't have enough talents. Is there anything that resonate with you? All these give reasons to you not to like yourself. That in turn makes it difficult for you to be a good friend to yourself.

　　Fortunately, there are always things you can do to fix the situation. Here are some tips:

　　1. Forgive yourself

　　You may have made those mistakes in the past, but is there anything you can do about them? I don't think so, except learning from them. It's true that you are not perfect, but neither is everybody else. It’s normal to make mistakes, so do yourself a favor by giving yourself forgiveness.

　　2. Accept things you can't change

　　There are some things you cannot change, such as your background and your past. So learn to accept them. You will feel much relieved if you treat things you can’t change the way they deserve: just accept them, smile, and move on.

　　3. Focus on your strengths

　　Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths. You always have some strengths which give you a unique combination nobody else have. Recognize your strengths and build your life around them.

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　　4. Write your success stories

　　One reason we may not like ourselves is we are too focused on what we don’t have that we forget about what we have. So make a list of your achievements; write your success stories. They do not have to be big things; there are a lot of small but important achievements in our life. For example, if you have some good friends, that’s already an achievement. If you have a good family, that is also an achievement.

　　5. Stop comparing yourself with others

　　You are unique. You can never be like other people, and neither can other people be like you. The way you measure your success is not determined⁵ by other people and what they achieve. Instead, it is determined by your own life purpose. You have everything you need to achieve your life purpose, so it's useless to compare yourself with others.

　　6. Always be true to yourself

　　You don't like other people lying to you, right? Similarly, you won't like yourself if you know that you lie to yourself. Whether you realize it or not, that gives your mind a reason not to like yourself. That’s why it's important to always be true to yourself. In whatever you do, be honest and follow your conscience. Remember this quote by Abraham Lincoln:

　　I desire so to conduct the affairs of this administration that if at the end . . . I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall be down inside of me.

1 subconscious   

n./adj.潜意识(的)，下意识(的)

参考例句：

• Nail biting is often a subconscious reaction to tension.咬指甲通常是紧张时的下意识反映。
• My answer seemed to come from the subconscious.我的回答似乎出自下意识。

2 traits   

n.人的个性，显著的特点，特征( trait的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• We do not know which behavioural traits are inherited and which acquired. 我们不知道哪些行为特征是遗传的，哪些是后天养成的。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• His generosity is one of his good traits. 慷慨大方是他的好品质之一。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 introvert   

n.性格内向的人

参考例句：

• You are very much an introvert.你是一位地道的内向性格者。
• The same conversation that energizes the extravert also drains the introvert.同样的交谈能让外向者荣光焕发，却让内向者精神颓靡。

4 extrovert   

n.性格外向的人

参考例句：

• A good salesman is usually an extrovert,who likes to mingle with people.一个好的推销员通常很外向，喜欢和人们交往。
• Do you think you're an extrovert or introvert?你认为你是个性外向的人还是个性内向的人？

5 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。