What Are You So Afraid Of?

 I get a lot of questions from people who read my articles or visit my site asking me if I can give them some specific steps to follow to get started making changes in their lives.

Unfortunately, I don’t really have a step-by-step program for self improvement, so as much as I’d love to help, I can’t really tell them much other than to just get started.

But I’m also happy to give that very simple piece of advice, because getting started is the hardest part of… well, anything. And it’s the most intimidating¹. There’s a fear of the unknown that likes to creep its way in and it often leads to another overwhelming² fear: failure.

And that will often stop us right in our tracks. I’ve seen it absolutely paralyze³ some people.

And that’s a shame because it’s really a pretty irrational⁴ fear, if you think about it. Failure should actually be something we embrace, because failure, believe it or not, is the best teacher.

Think about it. When have you learned and progressed the most during your life? I’m going to go right ahead and guess that it was after making a mistake and realizing that that was the wrong way to do it.

If you’re like most people, then that’s how it’s done. And then if you’re smart about it, then you’ve taken what you’ve learned and made the necessary course corrections, and continued on, never to make that same mistake again. Congratulations.

I really only view failure as failure if someone insists on doing things the wrong way over and over again without really caring or paying much attention to what’s going on. But most people don’t do that.

Most people learn from their mistakes. So you might as well go ahead and make them. But that means getting over your fears and finally getting started.

All you really need is a little bit of confidence. But true confidence doesn’t just come out of nowhere for no reason. Confidence comes with experience. Most people build their confidence by achieving small gains along the way. Once they see that they can do it, then they become confident enough to move onto the next step in their development. Then they complete that one, build a little more confidence, and start working towards the next step. And so on.

I like to call it the upward spiral⁵.

Stop and think about the things you’ve already done, like learning to ride a bicycle, or drive a car, or any job you’ve ever had. At first, you didn’t know how to do them, and you were probably pretty nervous, but little by little, you got it, and eventually it became almost second nature – almost like you could do it in your sleep – and any nerves you may have had about it disappeared.

So if you really want to get things done, and really change your life for the better, then at some point you’re going to have to risk falling off your bicycle, so to speak.

To add a little color, I’ve included this quote from Teddy Roosevelt: “Far better is it to dare mighty⁶ things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered⁷ by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight⁸ that knows not victory nor defeat.”

Well said, Mr. President. Here’s another example: When I first started learning kung fu way back when, I was extremely nervous. My only goal that first day was to not fall on my face and make a fool of myself. Luckily, I didn’t, and I survived, and I kept going to class. The more I went, the more comfortable I got with it. And eventually I came to realize that it was silly of me to have been so concerned. Of course, it certainly helped that it was a good environment to learn in.

You see, success is not an all or nothing proposition⁹. Your only choices are not to be a colossal¹⁰ failure or a colossal success. It doesn’t work that way.

OK, I’m repeating myself here, but real success is made up of smaller successes and achievements that build confidence and slowly get rid of that fear of the unknown. Which kind of means that you need to let yourself ride the wave, rather than looking only at the end goal. You’re never done growing, so you might as well let yourself enjoy the journey, rather than looking at everything as a fight for you to win or lose.

Have you ever heard the expression, “Slow and steady wins the race”? Well, when it comes to personal growth, it’s absolutely true.

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Look, I get it. I know how intimidating a new venture can be. I’ve been there. I still go there sometimes. But I’m telling you, it’s really just that initial¹¹ phase of fear that you need to get over. For most of us, once we’re up and running, it’s pretty easy to continue. The momentum’s already there.

So let’s say that your goal is to lose 50 pounds. Well, everyone already knows that to do that, you’re going to have to eat differently and get some exercise, but they don’t always know exactly how to get there. The billion or so choices they have in weight loss programs can be confusing and intimidating. And then don’t forget how tough it can be to make such a big lifestyle change (and it is a big one).

As a result, a lot of people give up before they start. So I try to make it simpler by telling them that if they want to lose 50 pounds, then lose 50 pounds. I understand that it’s not quite that easy, as I’ve just described, but making the decision to do so actually is. You won’t lose 50 pounds by tomorrow, but you can start today by doing your research and finding out the proper foods to eat and exercises to do to make you healthy, and not giving up when it seems overwhelming. You could also try talking to a nutritionist or a health and fitness¹² expert for guidance.

Then you just gotta get to it, and stick to it. You’ll get there eventually.

The same principle holds true for any changes you want to make. If you want to find a new job, then find a new job. If you want to quit smoking, then quit smoking. Get started right now. There are plenty of experts who can help to guide you in the right direction, but at the same time, no one else can really do it for you.

So yes, you’ll probably make some mistakes along the way, but what does that really matter, as long as you’re still working towards your end goal?

Once again, Teddy Roosevelt has it right: “The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.”

1 intimidating   

vt.恐吓，威胁( intimidate的现在分词)

参考例句：

• They were accused of intimidating people into voting for them. 他们被控胁迫选民投他们的票。
• This kind of questioning can be very intimidating to children. 这种问话的方式可能让孩子们非常害怕。

2 overwhelming   

adj.势不可挡的，压倒的，无法抵抗的

参考例句：

• The flood was overwhelming and the city was soon drowned.洪水来势凶猛，很快这个城市就被淹没了。
• The act was adopted by an overwhelming majority.该法案以压倒多数通过。

3 paralyze   

vt.使瘫痪，使丧失作用，使呆若木鸡

参考例句：

• The fear that you might make a mistake or fail in your efforts can paralyze your progress.担心你可能会犯错或者你的努力将会失败，这会阻碍你的进步。
• The snake uses its venom to stun or paralyze its victims.蛇用其毒液使受害者失去知觉或瘫痪。

4 irrational   

adj.无理性的，失去理性的

参考例句：

• After taking the drug she became completely irrational.她在吸毒后变得完全失去了理性。
• There are also signs of irrational exuberance among some investors.在某些投资者中是存在非理性繁荣的征象的。

5 spiral   

adj.螺旋的；n.螺旋（线）；vi.盘旋上升（或下降）

参考例句：

• The production in this factory is spiral.这个厂的产量呈盘旋上升。
• Their profits began to spiral down disastrously.他们的利润开始螺旋形地急剧下降。

6 mighty   

adj.强有力的；巨大的

参考例句：

• A mighty force was about to break loose.一股巨大的力量即将迸发而出。
• The mighty iceberg came into view.巨大的冰山出现在眼前。

7 checkered   

adj.有方格图案的

参考例句：

• The ground under the trees was checkered with sunlight and shade.林地光影交错。
• He’d had a checkered past in the government.他过去在政界浮沉。

8 twilight   

n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期

参考例句：

• Twilight merged into darkness.夕阳的光辉融于黑暗中。
• Twilight was sweet with the smell of lilac and freshly turned earth.薄暮充满紫丁香和新翻耕的泥土的香味。

9 proposition   

n.建议，命题，主张；vt.向...提议，向...调情

参考例句：

• The two teams prepared to debate the given proposition.两个队准备就所给定的命题展开辩论。
• It is clearly illogical to maintain such a proposition.坚持这种主张显然是没有道理的。

10 colossal   

adj.异常的，庞大的

参考例句：

• There has been a colossal waste of public money.一直存在巨大的公款浪费。
• Some of the tall buildings in that city are colossal.那座城市里的一些高层建筑很庞大。

11 initial   

adj.最初的，开始的，词首的；n.首字母，姓名的开头字母；vt.标注姓名的首字母于

参考例句：

• After she'd overcome her initial shyness,she became very friendly.她克服了起初的羞怯之后，变得十分友善。
• The experiments have given initial results eventually.那些试验总算初见成效了。

12 fitness   

n.适合，适当，健康，健身

参考例句：

• They're doing exercises to improve their fitness.他们为增强体质而做体操。
• No one questions her fitness for the job.没人怀疑她能胜任这项工作。