美文：善待别人

 　Treat people with kindness and they will be more responsive

　　如果你瞧不起别人，对别人不好，他们就会回敬你，就会像你预想的那样让人讨厌，充满敌意。相反，如果你很愤怒，但仍旧善待别人，他们往往能更好地回应你的感受和观点。

　　有些人不接受这种做法。常听到有人说，"我不应该对他好。他不配。"其它还有"我太生气了，没办法好好待她","我想不出什么好话来说他",以及"她这样对我，我为什么还要对她好".其实，如果你决定在激烈的争执中真心尊重别人，你所付出的努力会更有效。

　　If you treat people with kindness and respect, they'll be more flexible and responsive. We all want love and respect but sometimes we don't want to give love and respect, especially when we are at odds¹ with someone and we're feeling hurt and angry.

　　If you want a better relationship with anyone "Stroking" is mandatory². If you look down on people and treat them badly, they'll retaliate³ and appear just as annoying and hostile as you expected. If, in contrast, you treat people with kindness and respect in spite of your anger, they'll nearly always be far more flexible and responsive to your feelings and point of view.

　　Some people are resistant⁴ to this technique. "I shouldn't have to be nice to him. He doesn't deserve it." is a common opinon. Others are "I'm just too angry to be nice to her", "I can't think of anything positive to say about him", and " Why should I be nice to her when she's treated me like this". But if you decide to convey genuine respect in the heat of battle, your efforts will be far more effective.

　　How to use "Stroking"

　　* Give the other person a genuine compliment. Comment on some positive quality or trait they have.

　　* Let the other person know that you like, respect, or admire them, and value their friendship even though you're both feeling angry or disagreeing with each other right now.

　　* Convey warmth and caring through your body language, showing that you're interested, open and receptive, as opposed to frowning, crossing your arms across your chest, and shaking your head in a judgemental way.

　　But do you have to stroke people who really are jerks? Isn't it better to be honest and let people know what idiots they are? The answer is that you don't have to treat anyone with respect. You can respond to people any way you want to. It just depends on the kinds of relationships you want.

　　The Power of Admiration⁵

　　Sometimes we all have to express negative feelings and tell people something that may upset them. Stroking is invaluable⁶ in this situation as well. We all have a deep need to feel admired and respected. If you treat people with kindness and make sure that your comments will never hurt or humiliate⁷ them, you can get away with saying just about anything. If you have to criticise⁸ someone, but you convey liking⁹ or respect at the same time, that person won't be so tempted¹⁰ to get defensive¹¹ and dismiss your comments.

　　Here's a useful exercise that will help you develop greater skill in this technique:

　　Over the next week, make it a point to give out at least twenty-five compliments. Make sure that you include friends, family, shop assistants, and even strangers. I do this all the time. You will be amazed at how people, even strangers will light up when you say something next to them.

1 odds   

n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别

参考例句：

• The odds are 5 to 1 that she will win.她获胜的机会是五比一。
• Do you know the odds of winning the lottery once?你知道赢得一次彩票的几率多大吗？

2 mandatory   

adj.命令的；强制的；义务的；n.受托者

参考例句：

• It's mandatory to pay taxes.缴税是义务性的。
• There is no mandatory paid annual leave in the U.S.美国没有强制带薪年假。

3 retaliate   

v.报复，反击

参考例句：

• He sought every opportunity to retaliate against his enemy.他找机会向他的敌人反击。
• It is strictly forbidden to retaliate against the quality inspectors.严禁对质量检验人员进行打击报复。

4 resistant   

adj.(to)抵抗的，有抵抗力的

参考例句：

• Many pests are resistant to the insecticide.许多害虫对这种杀虫剂有抵抗力。
• They imposed their government by force on the resistant population.他们以武力把自己的统治强加在持反抗态度的人民头上。

5 admiration   

n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕

参考例句：

• He was lost in admiration of the beauty of the scene.他对风景之美赞不绝口。
• We have a great admiration for the gold medalists.我们对金牌获得者极为敬佩。

6 invaluable   

adj.无价的，非常宝贵的，极为贵重的

参考例句：

• A computer would have been invaluable for this job.一台计算机对这个工作的作用会是无法估计的。
• This information was invaluable to him.这个消息对他来说是非常宝贵的。

7 humiliate   

v.使羞辱，使丢脸[同]disgrace

参考例句：

• What right had they to bully and humiliate people like this?凭什么把人欺侮到这个地步呢？
• They pay me empty compliments which only humiliate me.他们虚情假意地恭维我，这只能使我感到羞辱。

8 criticise   

v.批评，评论；非难

参考例句：

• Right and left have much cause to criticise government.左翼和右翼有很多理由批评政府。
• It is not your place to criticise or suggest improvements!提出批评或给予改进建议并不是你的责任！

9 liking   

n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢

参考例句：

• The word palate also means taste or liking.Palate这个词也有“口味”或“嗜好”的意思。
• I must admit I have no liking for exaggeration.我必须承认我不喜欢夸大其词。

10 tempted   

v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词）

参考例句：

• I was sorely tempted to complain, but I didn't. 我极想发牢骚，但还是没开口。
• I was tempted by the dessert menu. 甜食菜单馋得我垂涎欲滴。

11 defensive   

adj.防御的；防卫的；防守的

参考例句：

• Their questions about the money put her on the defensive.他们问到钱的问题，使她警觉起来。
• The Government hastily organized defensive measures against the raids.政府急忙布置了防卫措施抵御空袭。