你如何知道别人真的信任你？

 　　How Can You Tell if People Really Trust You?

　　你怎么知道别人真的信任你？

　　And does it really matter?

　　再者，这重要吗？

　　There is a lot of discussion about trust these days. People are generally less trusting, tending to be more reserved and guarded about what they share and whom they share it with. We have seen many very public breaches¹ of trust and deep down that is a fear most of us have.

　　近来，关于信任的讨论铺天盖地。人们普遍变得越来越难相信别人，越来越保守，对自己分享的信息以及被分享的对象变现得越来越自我防卫。我们见证过很多违法公众信任的例子，而在我们的内心深处，这也是我们大多数人都感到恐惧的。

　　你怎么知道别人真的信任你？

　　When working with people, either as clients or colleagues, not being trusted can have dire² consequences. It can result in lower client loyalty³, less referrals, more client issues around billing, delivery of services and even fairly public backlashes on social media.

　　当与他人共事，无论是客户还是公司同事，如果不被信任，就会造成可怕的后果。这将会导致更低层次的顾客忠诚度，更少商务推荐人，与客户有更多金钱方面的纠纷，造成服务的传递缺失甚至社交媒体的公众反弹效果。

　　Today we see entire industries that struggle with being trusted, due in no small part to their previous actions. Once trust is lost, it is very hard to regain⁴.

　　今天我们看到各行各业正在信任的大海里挣扎，原因在于先前的细微失误。信任一旦缺失，就很难重获。

　　So how can you tell is someone really trusts you? Over the years I have found that trust can be determined⁵ by the type of information that people share with you. The more personal the information the more trusting the person is of you. This might sound obvious, but do you really stop to consider what those around you are sharing or perhaps trying to share but you are missing their hints.

　　那么你怎么知道他人是真正地信任你？经过多年后笔者发现，信任的建立取决于信息分享的种类。分享的信息越私人化，就代表你越被他人信任。也许这是非常明显的，但是你是否真正静下来思考过，有哪些在你身边正分享的内容或者那些正准备分享的东西，而你正好错过了这些讯息。

　　Sharing personal information is a sign of their vulnerability. This is the kind of information that if shared to outside parties could result in them being embarrassed or even humiliated⁶, or it might even have a direct impact on how their colleagues view them. This in turn could cause problems with career growth or even employment, depending on what the information that was revealed.

　　分享个人信息是个人脆弱性的标志。这是一种只要分享到外界后，就会使得自身尴尬不安甚至被羞辱的信息，甚至还会直接到影响同事对他们的评价。转而也会取决于何种信息被分享，而对个人的职业发展甚至职位去向造成各种问题。

　　We might share private information because it's in our best interest. For example we tend to trust our Doctor, realizing that it makes sense to share information that could ultimately have an impact on our health. But to tell someone we work with, or someone who is advising us, something personal, is a big step and a leap of faith.

　　我们分享自己的隐私可能因为那就是我们的最大兴趣。例如，我们都会相信医生，因为意识到与医生分享个人信息会最终对我们的个人健康产生影响。但是如果与同事分享这些信息，或与其他给予我们建议的人分享，这将会是信任度的巨大飞跃。

　　What if someone confides⁸ in you, but only to share gossip about someone in the office? Does this mean they trust you? Not really. This is more a conspiratorial⁹ move, where sharing gossip is done to build rapport¹⁰.

　　但若是有人向你吐苦水，但仅仅是因为想跟你说说办公室里的八卦呢？这个行为意味着对方信任你吗？并不一定。这只是一个相对具有阴谋性质的举动，在说八卦的同时建立密切关系。

　　Personally I use the information that people share with me as a way to measure if I am trusted or not. If they are opening up and being very authentic¹¹ and vulnerable, airing their own perceived faults and failings, I do everything in my power to respect the trust they have shown and I would never, ever do anything to betray it.

　　就笔者个人来说，我会利用他人与我分享的这些信息以判断他人是否信任我。如果他们保持开放的态度以及真诚和脆弱，能够显示自己意识到的错误和失败，我就会尽我所能尊重他们对我的信任，并且，我永远也绝不做任何违背他们信任的事情。

　　When it comes to sharing gossip, negative comments about other people, I don't engage. I send a very clear message that I am not interested in that kind of talk and I find that the gossipers soon realize this, they stop gossiping to me and start having far more authentic conversations.

　　当谈及讲八卦消息或对他人的负面评论时，我都不会参与。我会明确表明自己对这些话题的讨论并不感兴趣，然后我发现那些始作俑者很快就意识到了，然后在我面前就不再说八卦，并且与我开展远远真诚的交谈了。

　　The bottom line is that being trusted enough for others to confide⁷ in you at a personal level is a very good thing, in every way. Respect this trust, you have earned it. Over time it can become the backbone¹² of your professional and personal reputation.

　　底线在于你给他人足够的信任使他人向你吐露心声，这是一件非常美好的事情，无论以何种方式。尊重这份信任，是你努力获得的。很久后，就会成为你专业与个人名誉的强有力支柱。

1 breaches   

破坏( breach的名词复数 )； 破裂； 缺口； 违背

参考例句：

• He imposed heavy penalties for breaches of oath or pledges. 他对违反誓言和保证的行为给予严厉的惩罚。
• This renders all breaches of morality before marriage very uncommon. 这样一来，婚前败坏道德的事就少见了。

2 dire   

adj.可怕的，悲惨的，阴惨的，极端的

参考例句：

• There were dire warnings about the dangers of watching too much TV.曾经有人就看电视太多的危害性提出严重警告。
• We were indeed in dire straits.But we pulled through.那时我们的困难真是大极了，但是我们渡过了困难。

3 loyalty   

n.忠诚，忠心

参考例句：

• She told him the truth from a sense of loyalty.她告诉他真相是出于忠诚。
• His loyalty to his friends was never in doubt.他对朋友的一片忠心从来没受到怀疑。

4 regain   

vt.重新获得，收复，恢复

参考例句：

• He is making a bid to regain his World No.1 ranking.他正为重登世界排名第一位而努力。
• The government is desperate to regain credibility with the public.政府急于重新获取公众的信任。

5 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

6 humiliated   

感到羞愧的

参考例句：

• Parents are humiliated if their children behave badly when guests are present. 子女在客人面前举止失当，父母也失体面。
• He was ashamed and bitterly humiliated. 他感到羞耻，丢尽了面子。

7 confide   

v.向某人吐露秘密

参考例句：

• I would never readily confide in anybody.我从不轻易向人吐露秘密。
• He is going to confide the secrets of his heart to us.他将向我们吐露他心里的秘密。

8 confides   

v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的第三人称单数 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等）

参考例句：

• Now Butterfly confides to Pinkerton that she has secretly embraced Christianity. 蝴蝶向平克顿吐露，她已暗地里信奉了基督教。 来自辞典例句
• He also confides, in great secrecy, that his own heart still bleeds over Natalie. 他还极秘密地透露，他自己内心里还在为那塔丽感到痛苦。 来自辞典例句

9 conspiratorial   

adj.阴谋的，阴谋者的

参考例句：

• She handed the note to me with a conspiratorial air. 她鬼鬼祟祟地把字条交给了我。 来自辞典例句
• It was enough to win a gap-toothed, conspiratorial grin. 这赢得对方咧嘴一笑。 来自互联网

10 rapport   

n.和睦，意见一致

参考例句：

• She has an excellent rapport with her staff.她跟她职员的关系非常融洽。
• We developed a high degree of trust and a considerable personal rapport.我们发展了高度的互相信任和不错的私人融洽关系。

11 authentic   

a.真的，真正的；可靠的，可信的，有根据的

参考例句：

• This is an authentic news report. We can depend on it. 这是篇可靠的新闻报道, 我们相信它。
• Autumn is also the authentic season of renewal. 秋天才是真正的除旧布新的季节。

12 backbone   

n.脊骨，脊柱，骨干；刚毅，骨气

参考例句：

• The Chinese people have backbone.中国人民有骨气。
• The backbone is an articulate structure.脊椎骨是一种关节相连的结构。