写给地球的一封公开信

 　　麦田怪圈不是我们干的。请用心想想吧。我们以你们认为不可能实现的速度飞行于群星间——可你们还认为我们需要为了联络用途而压下麦秆？你们为什么还总是以为我们会在荒郊僻野着陆？

　　我们被你们的媒体所描绘的外星人形象弄得心烦意乱。当你们有心情思考时，就好好地看看你们对地球犯下的罪孽。你们正在毁掉这颗星球：把自然资源消耗殆尽，污染空气，毁掉大海，将许多独特的物种永久地灭绝。你们怎么可能指望在即将来临的星际经济时代幸免于难？

　　First off, allow us to apologize for the abductions.

　　Although it seemed like a good idea at the time, we recognize that too often you did not find the experience as satisfying as we did. We genuinely regret the way things got out of hand.

　　It started out as just something to do, an occasional way to blow off steam after a long day of observation. We tried not to break anybody, and we always put you back where we found you. Frankly² you aren't all that interesting, and we might soon have grown tired of the whole thing.

　　But we got such a kick out of your cute eyewitness³ accounts, what with the stories of our big dark eyes and little arms and all. You made us feel special, even if your tales were complete crap. The books, the movies, the T-shirts—we were like celebrities⁴. And some of you took it all so seriously, with your conspiracy⁵ theories and everything. It was really quite a hoot⁶.

　　Then this guy Whitley Strieber came along, and he sort of took the joy out of it, you know? What a killjoy shitbag he is. Today we abduct¹ only nerdy guys who live alone in Airstream trailers, primarily because they're nerds and, truth be told, we just like to mess with their heads.

　　Many of you have written asking about crop circles, so let's set the record straight.

　　It ain't us. Really, it's not. Think about it. You people have trouble reaching your own moon, and even you have cell phones, satellite TV, and high-speed DSL.

　　We sail between stars at speeds you believe impossible—you think we have to knock down veggies in order to communicate?

　　And why do you always assume we land in rural areas? Please. On a planet with New York, Rio de Janeiro, Paris, and Amsterdam, you figure we'd choose to hang out in Roswell, New Mexico? Have any of you actually been there? (By the way, Area 51 is a real hole. In the unlikely event we're ever in the neighborhood again, we're staying someplace else for sure.)We would be remiss⁷ if we failed to mention the anal probing. For the longest time, we swear we thought those were data ports. We meant no harm, and hope that you will, like us, try to forget this unfortunate chapter in our history. In retrospect⁸ it was simply a bad idea.

　　Now we don't want to be seen as whiners, but there are a few things we wish to discuss.

　　For one thing, we are troubled by the way we have been portrayed⁹ in the media. We represent an array of life whose richness and sheer scope would astound¹⁰ you. Yet for the most part, on this planet we are typecast as either hairless dweebs with foreheads like watermelons, or else giant insects who want to eat you.

　　No offense¹¹, but this is especially hard to take from a backwater planet most beings have never heard of. (In fairness, this is not entirely¹² true. Earth is generally known for one thing: cottage cheese. Seriously, nobody else ever thought of that. Not even the Lobo?lata, who are themselves dairy products.)The very word “alien” is plagued by negative associations. According to our latest focus groups, the term conjures¹³ up images of 1) slimy, parasitic¹⁴ creatures who spring onto the faces of unsuspecting beings in order to plant their young inside, or 2) people picking cabbages. (Apologies to the Bulibians: slimy, parasitic creatures who actually do spring onto the faces of unsuspecting beings in order to plant their young inside.)We've discussed this among ourselves, and we no longer wish to be called aliens. Henceforth, we prefer to be called “Chuck Norris?.” Please do not shorten, hyphenate, or alter this in any way. The plural¹⁵ form is the same, as in, “Hey, there goes a Chuck Norris?. Wait, there goes another one."Finally, some advice.

　　Look, from where we sit, you're all the same. We appreciate that human beings come in slightly different models and colors, and to you these nearly imperceptible differences seem to cause no end of trouble. But honestly, we're astounded¹⁶ that you can even tell yourselves apart. In blind taste tests, in fact, the average Chuck Norris? cannot detect any difference whatsoever¹⁷. So chill, people of Earth, and try to get along.

　　While you're in a reflective mood, take a closer look at what you're doing to your planet. You are ruining it: depleting¹⁸ your natural resources, polluting your air, sickening your oceans, and destroying unique species forever. This is just plain wrong, not to mention completely irrational¹⁹. Everyone knows that the logical thing is to find somebody else's planet and ruin that. Noobs. How can you possibly expect to survive in the coming interstellar economy?

　　By the way, we've elected you to come up with the new shared unit of galactic currency. Just pick something small and ubiquitous, something of nominal²⁰ value that you won't miss much. It's your call, but we suggest hamsters.

　　In closing, much of what you do befuddles²¹ us. Many of your core concepts—such as guilt²², selflessness, and David Hasselhoff—simply have no counterparts in non-Terran cultures. You're what galactic sociologists call “a bunch of strange ducks."Yet for reasons not entirely clear, we have developed a certain affection for you. We'd just as soon keep you around, if only for the entertainment value.

　　We're going away for a bit now, and when we return, we expect to find that you have made significant progress toward sitting at the adults’ table. This will, of course, mean fewer senseless military conflicts, less reality television, and no more Sudoku.

　　Don't make us come down there.

1 abduct   

vt.诱拐，拐带，绑架

参考例句：

• The police caught the man who tried to abduct the boy for ransom.警察抓住了那个企图拐走这男孩以便勒索赎金的家伙。
• The news that we see those use network abduct children sometimes filled with apprehension.我们有时看到那些利用网络诱拐儿童的新闻都心惊肉跳。

2 frankly   

adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说

参考例句：

• To speak frankly, I don't like the idea at all.老实说，我一点也不赞成这个主意。
• Frankly speaking, I'm not opposed to reform.坦率地说，我不反对改革。

3 eyewitness   

n.目击者，见证人

参考例句：

• The police questioned several eyewitness to the murder.警察询问了谋杀案的几位目击者。
• He was the only eyewitness of the robbery.他是那起抢劫案的唯一目击者。

4 celebrities   

n.（尤指娱乐界的）名人( celebrity的名词复数 )；名流；名声；名誉

参考例句：

• He only invited A-list celebrities to his parties. 他只邀请头等名流参加他的聚会。
• a TV chat show full of B-list celebrities 由众多二流人物参加的电视访谈节目

5 conspiracy   

n.阴谋，密谋，共谋

参考例句：

• The men were found guilty of conspiracy to murder.这些人被裁决犯有阴谋杀人罪。
• He claimed that it was all a conspiracy against him.他声称这一切都是一场针对他的阴谋。

6 hoot   

n.鸟叫声，汽车的喇叭声； v.使汽车鸣喇叭

参考例句：

• The sudden hoot of a whistle broke into my thoughts.突然响起的汽笛声打断了我的思路。
• In a string of shrill hoot of the horn sound,he quickly ran to her.在一串尖声鸣叫的喇叭声中，他快速地跑向她。

7 remiss   

adj.不小心的，马虎

参考例句：

• It was remiss of him to forget her birthday.他竟忘了她的生日，实在是糊涂。
• I would be remiss if I did not do something about it.如果我对此不做点儿什么就是不负责任。

8 retrospect   

n.回顾，追溯；v.回顾，回想，追溯

参考例句：

• One's school life seems happier in retrospect than in reality.学校生活回忆起来显得比实际上要快乐。
• In retrospect,it's easy to see why we were wrong.回顾过去就很容易明白我们的错处了。

9 portrayed   

v.画像( portray的过去式和过去分词 )；描述；描绘；描画

参考例句：

• Throughout the trial, he portrayed himself as the victim. 在审讯过程中，他始终把自己说成是受害者。
• The author portrayed his father as a vicious drunkard. 作者把他父亲描绘成一个可恶的酒鬼。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

10 astound   

v.使震惊，使大吃一惊

参考例句：

• His practical grasp of affairs and his energy still astound me.他对事物的实际掌握和他充沛的精力实在使我惊异。
• He used to astound his friends with feats of physical endurance.过去，他表现出来的惊人耐力常让朋友们大吃一惊。

11 offense   

n.犯规，违法行为；冒犯，得罪

参考例句：

• I hope you will not take any offense at my words. 对我讲的话请别见怪。
• His words gave great offense to everybody present.他的发言冲犯了在场的所有人。

12 entirely   

ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
• His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。

13 conjures   

用魔术变出( conjure的第三人称单数 )； 祈求，恳求； 变戏法； （变魔术般地） 使…出现

参考例句：

• The word 'birthday' conjures up images of presents and parties. “生日”这个词使人想起礼物和聚会的情景。
• The name Sahara conjures up images of a desert of aridity. "撒哈拉"这个名字使人想起干旱的沙漠情景。

14 parasitic   

adj.寄生的

参考例句：

• Will global warming mean the spread of tropical parasitic diseases?全球变暖是否意味着热带寄生虫病会蔓延呢？
• By definition,this way of life is parasitic.从其含义来说，这是种寄生虫的生活方式。

15 plural   

n.复数；复数形式；adj.复数的

参考例句：

• Most plural nouns in English end in's '.英语的复数名词多以s结尾。
• Here you should use plural pronoun.这里你应该用复数代词。

16 astounded   

v.使震惊(astound的过去式和过去分词)；愕然；愕；惊讶

参考例句：

• His arrogance astounded her. 他的傲慢使她震惊。
• How can you say that? I'm absolutely astounded. 你怎么能说出那种话？我感到大为震惊。

17 whatsoever   

adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么

参考例句：

• There's no reason whatsoever to turn down this suggestion.没有任何理由拒绝这个建议。
• All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you,do ye even so to them.你想别人对你怎样，你就怎样对人。

18 depleting   

使大大的减少，使空虚( deplete的现在分词 )； 耗尽，使枯竭

参考例句：

• Regulations are outlawing certain refrigerants, such as chlorofluorocarbons, which contain ozone-depleting chemicals. 随后出台的政策禁用了部分制冷剂，如破坏臭氧层的氟氯碳化合物。
• Aging, being a series of continual losses, can be keenly depleting. 老龄化，作为一个系列的连续亏损，可以清楚地消耗。

19 irrational   

adj.无理性的，失去理性的

参考例句：

• After taking the drug she became completely irrational.她在吸毒后变得完全失去了理性。
• There are also signs of irrational exuberance among some investors.在某些投资者中是存在非理性繁荣的征象的。

20 nominal   

adj.名义上的；(金额、租金)微不足道的

参考例句：

• The king was only the nominal head of the state. 国王只是这个国家名义上的元首。
• The charge of the box lunch was nominal.午餐盒饭收费很少。

21 befuddles   

v.使烂醉( befuddle的第三人称单数 )；使迷惑不解

参考例句：

22 guilt   

n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责

参考例句：

• She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
• Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。