你的幸福自己负责

 　　"You are the only one who can make you happy." We have all heard that so many times in our lives.

　　There are times it is a pretty tough pill to swallow. In reality, the people that surround you have a huge impact on your current mood. When your children are grumpy in the morning, you find a nice pile the dog left you over night, you hit the road and the traffic won’t allow you your normal speed, then when you get to work and your co-worker called in sick... these are all things that might contribute to your overall Happiness of the day.

　　However, moods and temporary emotions are not the same as happiness. Happiness exists when you look at the overall picture of your life and you smile, that is happiness. You know those times when you can’t wait for your children to go to bed, then later you check on the kids and you almost cry because they look exactly like angels... YOUR ANGELS, sleeping so sweetly and soundly. You can hardly remember a time of irritation¹ with them. That is Happiness.

　　As life progresses and changes, we realize that who we are, (what makes us, us)... that is what we are responsible for. We know that immediate² gratification or irritation only pacifies³ or deteriorates⁴ our emotional stimuli⁵ short term. Our global view of how we see ourselves determines our state of mind. Our state of mind determines our Happiness.

　　So, how do we take control of our emotions and find the path of Happiness? This seems to be the million dollar question. There are tons of books on or related to the subject. You could read and practice until you are completely confused. Or, we could spend the rest of our life introspectively evaluating what makes us happy. Which might take more time and energy and actually frustrate⁶ us more.

　　How about this? What if we looked at ourselves and decided⁷ what we liked and didn’t like and set about making changes. It doesn’t have to be major alterations⁸. Maybe you are tired of your house but can’t afford to move. Try painting the living room or buying flowers to set on the kitchen table. If you haven’t had a vacation for awhile and just can’t afford to take that cruise, go camping instead.

　　Maybe the issues are more personal or internal. Do you get mad too easily? Learn yoga or meditation⁹. Are you having marital¹⁰ problems? Visit a counselor¹¹. Are the kids having discipline issues? Determine the major issues, establish guidelines on how you are going to correct the problem and stick to it.

　　You may be saying, ’Sure, that sounds so easy but...’ Of course it sounds easy. Problems are always easier to talk about than to take the obvious actions to fix them. But, for the most part, things are as difficult or as easy as we determine them to be. Sometimes we just make things harder than necessary.

　　If your unHappiness stems from a situation beyond your control then find other ways to compensate¹². If, for example, money is so tight and no apparent windfall is coming your way any time soon, find inexpensive entertainment. Backyard ballgames, picnics in the park, movie night with popcorn¹³ and snacks in your bedroom are a few alternatives to an expensive night out. If the issues are more serious and you feel powerless, that is the time to seek professional help.

　　Otherwise, look in the mirror and be glad. If you don’t like what you see, change it. Make the solution that simple!

　　“你是唯一一个可以让自己幸福的人。”我们总是听到有人说我们还有很多的时间。

　　那些时间就像在吞咽一颗苦涩的药片让人无奈。事实上，你围绕在你周围的人会对你的心情会有相当大的影响。例如，早晨你的孩子很不听话，一夜过后你的够给你留下一堆特别的东西，你撞到墙上然后交通又限制你正常速度，当你开始工作时你的同事打电话说他身体不适等等，这些事情都将会影响你一整天的幸福感觉。

　　然而，心情和暂时的情感都是不能和幸福相提并论的。幸福存在于你看到你生活的整个画面时，你面带微笑。是的，这才是幸福。你知道的，你没能等到你孩子去睡觉，但是当去检查他们睡得是否安好时，你几乎能流泪，因为他们睡得是如此的香甜，就像是天使……你的天使。你似乎不记得他们曾有让生气的时候了。这才是幸福。

　　随着生活的变化和提高，我们开始认识到我们是谁，(是什么早就了现在的我们，我们…)…我们的责任是什么。我们知道一时的满足和烦恼只是使我们使情绪得到短暂安慰或恶化。我们对我们自己的整体看法才会决定我们精神状态，而我们的精神状态又决定我们的幸福。

　　于是，我们要如何来控制我们的情绪，进而发现通往幸福的捷径呢?这似乎是一个价值连城的问题。已经有成吨重的书对这个主题进行了阐述或涉及。你可以读读这些书并依此付诸实践，知道你彻底迷茫;或者，我们可以用我们余下的时间来反思和评估是什么让我们幸福。这些可能占有我们更多的时间和精力和带给我们更多的挫败。

　　那么如果我们这样做呢?我们如果先自我审视一番，然后决定什么是我们喜欢的，什么是我们不喜欢的，接着开始改变。没有必要一定是大的变化。例如，可能你已经厌倦了你现在的房子，但是你又没有钱新买房搬家。那么你可以试着给你的房间刷上新的油漆，或者买一些花放到你的餐桌上。可能你没有一个完整的长假去做长途旅行，那么你可以尝试去露营。

　　这些话题可能太个人化或者内心化。你太容易发火吗?那就学习瑜伽或者尝试沉思吧!你有婚姻问题吗?那就去咨询一下婚姻顾问吧!你的孩子存在一些纪律问题吗?那你可以找出主要问题，然后列出你打算改正这个问题的纲领并持之以恒。

　　你可能会说，“是的，这些听起来很简单，但是……”这听起来当然简单。谈论问题总是比付诸行动去解决问题要简单的多。然而，问题是困难的还是简单的全凭我们解决的决心的大小。有时我们可能把问题复杂化了。

　　如果你不幸福的原因是来源于一种你无法控制的情形，那你可以寻找其他方法来加以弥补。譬如，如果你生活拮据并且不太有可能会突然大发横财，那就找比较便宜的娱乐方式。比如，后院足球，公园野餐，看电影吃爆米花或者在卧室享受零食，做一些选择来期待一次昂贵的外出。如果问题比较严重而你有感到无力，这时你就应该向专业人士来寻求帮助。

1 irritation   

n.激怒，恼怒，生气

参考例句：

• He could not hide his irritation that he had not been invited.他无法掩饰因未被邀请而生的气恼。
• Barbicane said nothing,but his silence covered serious irritation.巴比康什么也不说，但是他的沉默里潜伏着阴郁的怒火。

2 immediate   

adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的

参考例句：

• His immediate neighbours felt it their duty to call.他的近邻认为他们有责任去拜访。
• We declared ourselves for the immediate convocation of the meeting.我们主张立即召开这个会议。

3 pacifies   

使（某人）安静( pacify的第三人称单数 )； 息怒； 抚慰； 在（有战争的地区、国家等）实现和平

参考例句：

• A gift given in secret soothes anger a bribe concealed in the cloak pacifies great wrath. 暗中送的礼物，挽回怒气。怀中搋的贿赂，止息暴怒。

4 deteriorates   

恶化，变坏( deteriorate的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• After a few years' planting, the quality of the potato crop deteriorates. 土豆种了几年之后就会退化。
• Virus activity deteriorates in plasma stored at room temperature. 在室温下储藏的血浆中病毒活动逐渐衰退。

5 stimuli   

n.刺激（物）

参考例句：

• It is necessary to curtail or alter normally coexisting stimuli.必需消除或改变正常时并存的刺激。
• My sweat glands also respond to emotional stimuli.我的汗腺对情绪刺激也能产生反应。

6 frustrate   

v.使失望；使沮丧；使厌烦

参考例句：

• But this didn't frustrate Einstein.He was content to go as far as he could.但这并没有使爱因斯坦灰心，他对能够更深入地研究而感到满意。
• They made their preparations to frustrate the conspiracy.他们作好准备挫败这个阴谋。

7 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

8 alterations   

n.改动( alteration的名词复数 )；更改；变化；改变

参考例句：

• Any alterations should be written in neatly to the left side. 改动部分应书写清晰，插在正文的左侧。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Gene mutations are alterations in the DNA code. 基因突变是指DNA 密码的改变。 来自《简明英汉词典》

9 meditation   

n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录

参考例句：

• This peaceful garden lends itself to meditation.这个恬静的花园适于冥想。
• I'm sorry to interrupt your meditation.很抱歉，我打断了你的沉思。

10 marital   

adj.婚姻的，夫妻的

参考例句：

• Her son had no marital problems.她的儿子没有婚姻问题。
• I regret getting involved with my daughter's marital problems;all its done is to bring trouble about my ears.我后悔干涉我女儿的婚姻问题, 现在我所做的一切将给我带来无穷的烦恼。

11 counselor   

n.顾问，法律顾问

参考例句：

• The counselor gave us some disinterested advice.顾问给了我们一些无私的忠告。
• Chinese commercial counselor's office in foreign countries.中国驻国外商务参赞处。

12 compensate   

vt.补偿，赔偿；酬报 vi.弥补；补偿；抵消

参考例句：

• She used her good looks to compensate her lack of intelligence. 她利用她漂亮的外表来弥补智力的不足。
• Nothing can compensate for the loss of one's health. 一个人失去了键康是不可弥补的。

13 popcorn   

n.爆米花

参考例句：

• I like to eat popcorn when I am watching TV play at home.当我在家观看电视剧时，喜欢吃爆米花。
• He still stood behind his cash register stuffing his mouth with popcorn.他仍站在收银机后，嘴里塞满了爆米花。