天使的爱抚

 　　手术后没多久，我去医院复查。我躺到检验台上，拉蒙娜用手抚摸着伤疤。我开始轻轻地啜泣。她用关心的眼神看着我，问道，“你还没有碰过它，对吗?”“嗯。”我答道。于是她把金褐色的手掌轻轻地放在我苍白的胸口上，温柔地说道，“这是你身体的一部分，这就是你。摸一摸它吧，没关系的。”她就那样替我抚摸着正在愈合的伤口。而在那下面，她爱抚着的是我的心。

　　最后，拉蒙娜建议道：“我握着你的手，你去抚摸它。”然后她把手放到我的手旁边，我们都安静下来。那是拉蒙娜送给我的礼物。

　　It was only a few weeks after my surgery, and I went to Dr. Belt's office for a checkup. It was just after my first chemotherapy treatment.

　　My scar was still very tender. My arm was numb¹ underneath². This whole set of unique and weird³ sensations was like having a new roommate to share the two-bedroom apartment formerly⁴ known as my breasts - now lovingly known as "the breast and the chest."As usual, I was taken to an examination room to have my blood drawn⁵, again - a terrifying process for me, since I'm so frightened of needles.

　　I lay down on the examining table. I'd worn a big plaid flannel⁶ shirt and a camisole underneath. It was a carefully thought out costume that I hoped others would regard as a casual wardrobe choice. The plaid camouflaged⁷ my new chest, the camisole protected it and the buttons on the shirt made for easy medical access.

　　Ramona entered the room. Her warm sparkling smile was familiar, and stood out in contrast to my fears. I'd first seen her in the office a few weeks earlier. She wasn't my nurse on that day, but I remember her because she was laughing. She laughed in deep, round and rich tones. I remember wondering what could be so funny behind that medical door. What could she possibly find to laugh about at a time like this? So I decided⁸ she wasn't serious enough about the whole thing and that I would try to find a nurse who was. But I was wrong.

　　This day was different. Ramona had taken my blood before. She knew about my fear of needles, and she kindly⁹ hid the paraphernalia¹⁰ under a magazine with a bright blue picture of a kitchen being remodeled. As we opened the blouse and dropped the camisole, the catheter on my breast was exposed and the fresh scar on my chest could be seen.

　　She said, "How is your scar healing?"I said, "I think pretty well. I wash around it gently each day." The memory of the shower water hitting my numb chest flashed across my face.

　　She gently reached over and ran her hand across the scar, examining the smoothness of the healing skin and looking for any irregularities. I began to cry gently and quietly. She brought her warm eyes to mine and said, "You haven't touched it yet, have you?" And I said, "No."So this wonderful, warm woman laid the palm of her golden brown hand on my pale chest and she gently held it there. For a long time. I continued to cry quietly. In soft tones she said, "This is part of your body. This is you. It's okay to touch it." But I couldn't. So she touched it for me. The scar. The healing wound. And beneath it, she touched my heart.Then Ramona said, "I'll hold your hand while you touch it." So she placed her hand next to mine, and we both were quiet. That was the gift that Ramona gave me.

　　That night as I lay down to sleep, I gently placed my hand on my chest and I left it there until I dozed¹¹ off. I knew I wasn't alone. We were all in bed together, metaphorically¹² speaking, my breast, my chest, Ramona's gift and me.

1 numb   

adj.麻木的，失去感觉的；v.使麻木

参考例句：

• His fingers were numb with cold.他的手冻得发麻。
• Numb with cold,we urged the weary horses forward.我们冻得发僵，催着疲惫的马继续往前走。

2 underneath   

adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面

参考例句：

• Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
• She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣，里面套着一条连衣裙。

3 weird   

adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的

参考例句：

• From his weird behaviour,he seems a bit of an oddity.从他不寻常的行为看来，他好像有点怪。
• His weird clothes really gas me.他的怪衣裳简直笑死人。

4 formerly   

adv.从前，以前

参考例句：

• We now enjoy these comforts of which formerly we had only heard.我们现在享受到了过去只是听说过的那些舒适条件。
• This boat was formerly used on the rivers of China.这船从前航行在中国内河里。

5 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

6 flannel   

n.法兰绒；法兰绒衣服

参考例句：

• She always wears a grey flannel trousers.她总是穿一条灰色法兰绒长裤。
• She was looking luscious in a flannel shirt.她穿着法兰绒裙子，看上去楚楚动人。

7 camouflaged   

v.隐蔽( camouflage的过去式和过去分词 )；掩盖；伪装，掩饰

参考例句：

• We camouflaged in the bushes and no one saw us. 我们隐藏在灌木丛中没有被人发现。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• They camouflaged in bushes. 他们隐蔽在灌木丛中。 来自《简明英汉词典》

8 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

9 kindly   

adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地

参考例句：

• Her neighbours spoke of her as kindly and hospitable.她的邻居都说她和蔼可亲、热情好客。
• A shadow passed over the kindly face of the old woman.一道阴影掠过老太太慈祥的面孔。

10 paraphernalia   

n.装备；随身用品

参考例句：

• Can you move all your paraphernalia out of the way?你可以把所有的随身物品移开吗？
• All my fishing paraphernalia is in the car.我的鱼具都在汽车里。

11 dozed   

v.打盹儿，打瞌睡( doze的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He boozed till daylight and dozed into the afternoon. 他喝了个通霄，昏沉沉地一直睡到下午。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• I dozed off during the soporific music. 我听到这催人入睡的音乐，便不知不觉打起盹儿来了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

12 metaphorically   

adv. 用比喻地

参考例句：

• It is context and convention that determine whether a term will be interpreted literally or metaphorically. 对一个词的理解是按字面意思还是隐喻的意思要视乎上下文和习惯。
• Metaphorically it implied a sort of admirable energy. 从比喻来讲，它含有一种令人赞许的能量的意思。