搞笑:老外教你如何把妹

 -- I could totally get a girlfriend if I actually tried.

-- Shut up! 只要我认真去，我一定能把到妹。闭嘴

Thousands of people are building relationships online at our site. What are you doing? You're probably just looking like a loser sitting on a couch with like a strap¹ sweatshirt and some stupid hippy haircut. 很多很多人在我们的网站上找到另一半。你呢，在做什么？或许你就像个笨蛋一样坐在沙发上，穿着条纹汗衫，头上有个难看的发型。

-- Five, six, seven, eight. 五、六、七、八...

-- Hey, Anthony, can you help me with...Are you practicing for Circus De Olay again? 嘿，Anthony，你可以帮我一下吗？你又在练太阳马戏团的舞吗？

-- No...? What do you want? 才不是！你想怎么？

-- Can you...Help me get a girlfriend? 你可以...帮我找女朋友吗？

-- All you gotta do is act like a jerk, girls eat that crap up like strawberry cheese cake. Like this hottie tottie over here. Watch and learn! 你只要演得像个笨蛋就行。女孩最爱这套，就像爱草莓起司蛋糕一样爱。看那边的正妹！看着学吧！

Rule #1: Act like a jerk. 守则1：演笨蛋

-- Hey, Can I see your water bottle? 嘿，我可以看一下你的水杯吗？

-- Em...sure. 呃...好啊。

What are you...? 你在干...

-- So you wanna make out? 你想跟我亲热吗？

-- You sure you all right? 你确定你没事吗？

Lesson learned, don't be a jerk.上了一课，就是不要当笨蛋。

-- I'm fine! Okey? Now watch me impress some ladies with my manliness². Come on. 我没事好吗。现在看我怎么样用男子气概去吸引女生吧。来吧

Rule #2: Show your manliness. 守则2：展现男性魅力

-- I can feel the burn. Hey. 我感觉像在燃烧。嘿！

-- Ew! You should really use some Stainguard deodorant³ or something! Those yellow stains are disgusting. 拜托你用点体香剂什么的！那些黄色的污渍恶心死了。

Lesson learned, girls hate yellow. 上了一课，就是女生都讨厌黄色。

-- So, er, no luck with her either? 所以说，你运气也很背嘛。

-- Whatever! Okey? she gave me some stains deodorant though, look, no more yellow stains and smell my pits! 随便吧，反正她给了我一支超强的体香剂。看！没有黄色的污渍了。来，闻闻我腋下。

-- No, I'm... 不，我...

-- Dude, come on smell them! 来吧，快闻一下。

-- I don't wanna smell your... 我不想闻你的...

-- Smell my damn pits! 见鬼，闻我的腋下！

-- Oh! Actually smells pretty good! 咦，不错。

-- Yes, see? Oh, dude, check this out, I'm gonna use the same awesome⁴ to get this girl that I used to get my last girlfriend. 是吧？看，我要用把前女友的方法去把这个妹。

-- Dude she's hot! 她是个辣妹！

-- Come on man! 来吧

Rule #3: Use your secret weapon. 守则3：出动秘密武器

-- Hey girl, what's... 嘿，小姐。

-- Run!!!! 快跑！

Lesson learned, make sure it's not a man. 上了一课，就是要确定那不是个男的。

-- You know you still haven't... 其实你还是没...

-- Okey, I know I haven't. You're just dwelling⁵ off my game! You want me to get a girl? Huh? 你老是破坏我的好事。你要我把妹给你看吗？

-- All right, I'll do it, watch！好，我现在就去，看着吧

Rule #4: Don't limit your options. 守则4：不要限制你的选择

-- Just, please go out with me? 跟我约会吧！

-- No. 不。

-- Please? 拜托

-- No! 不。

-- I could get you another strawberry cheese cake, I could get like, five! 我可以多给你一个草莓起司蛋糕。我可以给你5个。

-- No!!! 不！！！

Lesson learned, women eat food. 上了一课，就是女生是吃食物的。

-- Come on, I have some really good... 拜托啦，我很棒的。

-- I'm never gonna get any girls ! 我永远也不可能有女朋友了！

-- Oh~ you poor baby. 噢，可怜的小宝贝。

-- What? Why? What the hell are you doing? 什么？！为什么！你在干什么？！

-- This poor boy was crying, and then I, I gave him my phone number to see if he wanted to talk about his feelings later. 这可怜的小宝贝在哭，所以我把我的电话号码给他了。看他待会儿想不想倾诉一下。

Send this video to a friend who can't get a girlfriend, or boyfriend. 把这段影片给没有女友的朋友看，或没有男友的朋友。

1 strap   

n.皮带，带子；v.用带扣住，束牢；用绷带包扎

参考例句：

• She held onto a strap to steady herself.她抓住拉手吊带以便站稳。
• The nurse will strap up your wound.护士会绑扎你的伤口。

2 manliness   

刚毅

参考例句：

• She was really fond of his strength, his wholesome looks, his manliness. 她真喜欢他的坚强，他那健康的容貌，他的男子气概。
• His confidence, his manliness and bravery, turn his wit into wisdom. 他的自信、男子气概和勇敢将他的风趣变为智慧。

3 deodorant   

adj.除臭的；n.除臭剂

参考例句：

• She applies deodorant to her armpits after she showers.沐浴后，她在腋下涂上除臭剂。
• Spray deodorant and keep the silk garments dry before dressing.在穿衣之前，洒涂防臭剂并保持干燥。

4 awesome   

adj.令人惊叹的，难得吓人的，很好的

参考例句：

• The church in Ireland has always exercised an awesome power.爱尔兰的教堂一直掌握着令人敬畏的权力。
• That new white convertible is totally awesome.那辆新的白色折篷汽车简直棒极了.

5 dwelling   

n.住宅，住所，寓所

参考例句：

• Those two men are dwelling with us.那两个人跟我们住在一起。
• He occupies a three-story dwelling place on the Park Street.他在派克街上有一幢3层楼的寓所。