欧美人文风情第233篇:Ellen抱怨星巴克怪现象 每个都让你超有共鸣

 So this morning, I went to Starbucks. You know Starbucks. You've heard of Starbucks? Yup. 今天早上我去了星巴克。你知道星巴克。听过星巴克吧？没错。

There's one on the corner next to the Starbucks across from the Starbucks. 转角那有一家在星巴克对面那家星巴克旁边的星巴克。

Go in there for coffee—should be simple. 进去那点咖啡－－应该没什么困难。

You go in, you order; they say, "What's your name?" You tell them your name. 你进去、点餐；店员说：「你的名字是？」你告诉他们你的名字。

A few minutes later, they hand you a coffee that says "Helen." You know. 几分钟后，他们递给你一杯写着「Helen」的咖啡。你懂的。

Should be easy—it's not. First, there's a long line. 应该要很简单－－并不简单。首先，有一条长长的排队队伍。

Why is there a line? I mean, there are more Starbucks in the world than there are people. 怎么要排队哩？我是说，世界上的星巴克都比人多了。

We should all—we should have our individual Starbucks by now. 我们应该都－－我们现在应该都有个人专属星巴克吧。

I think one reason is—the line is so long because there are people don't know what to order. 我想一个原因是－－队伍那么长，因为有人不知道要点什么。

That's one of the things. These people, they go every single day, and then they just stare up at the menu. 那是其中一件事。这些人，他们每天都去星巴克，然后他们就只是傻傻看着饮料目录。

Like seeing it for the first time. It's the same menu. 就像第一次看到它一样。那是同样的饮料目录。

Nothing's changed. They have coffee, they have tea, and they have Michael Buble CDs. Choose something! 什么都没变。星巴克有咖啡、有茶，然后他们还有 Michael Buble 的 CD。选一样就好啦!

And then there are the people who know what they want, but they're...they—it's so complicated. 然后有知道自己要什么的人，不过他们...他们－－有够复杂的。

That's the problem with it. 那就是问题所在。

There's a woman in front of me, she ordered a...a mocha no-foam extra-whip sugar-free double-shot non-fat vanilla¹ iced Ariana Grande. And... 我前面有一个女人，她点一杯...一杯摩卡无奶泡多鲜奶油无糖双份浓缩咖啡无脂香草小天后大杯星冰乐。然后...

Then after you place your order, you walk over to the barista station, 接着你点完咖啡后，你走去咖啡调理师柜台，

which is a fancy name for "coffee-pourer person," and— This is a place where people stand as close to the counter as they possibly can, 那是「倒咖啡的人」比较厉害的名字，然后－－ 这是一个大家都尽可能要站得离柜台很近的地方，

even though there are 12 people waiting for their order that were before them. 就算前面有十二个人在等他们的咖啡了。

And then, after you get your coffee, you have a seat, which—you can't find a seat. 然后，你拿到咖啡后，你有座位，那－－你找不到半个位子。

It's impossible, because I call them "Starbucks Squatters." 不可能有位子，因为我叫他们「星巴克非法居民」。

That's what they—they order one coffee, and then they sit there...eight to 12 hours. 那就是他们－－他们点一杯咖啡，接着他们就坐在那...八到十二个小时。

And they bring so much stuff with them. It looks like they're moving in. 他们带了一堆东西。看起来就像他们要搬进去住一样。

They have a newspaper. They have a book, a charger, a laptop, extension cords, a cot... 他们有一份报纸。他们有一本书、充电器、笔电、延长线、一张折迭床...

pictures of their family, a personal assistant, a garden hose—I don't know why. 家人的照片、个人助理、花园水管－－不知道干嘛带。

No one should spend that much time at a Starbucks, which brings me to the dress code. 没有人应该花那么多时间在星巴克，那让我想到服仪规定。

And I've mentioned this before, but spandex bike shorts are not acceptable². 我之前提过这，不过弹性单车短裤是不可接受的。

A. You're sweaty. B. No one wants to see you dig in there for exact change. There is nothing worse than a warm dollar. A. 你臭汗淋漓。B. 没人想看你在单车短裤里挖零钱。没有什么比残有体温的钱更糟了。

Uh-oh. Did you wanna see more videos? Hold on. 喔喔。想看更多影片吗？等等。

 

1 vanilla   

n.香子兰，香草

参考例句：

• He used to love milk flavoured with vanilla.他过去常爱喝带香草味的牛奶。
• I added a dollop of vanilla ice-cream to the pie.我在馅饼里加了一块香草冰激凌。

2 acceptable   

adj.可接受的，合意的，受欢迎的

参考例句：

• The terms of the contract are acceptable to us.我们认为这个合同的条件可以接受。
• Air pollution in the city had reached four times the acceptable levels.这座城市的空气污染程度曾高达可接受标准的四倍。