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如何避免对孩子的过度溺爱?

时间:2021-03-16 06:33来源:互联网 提供网友:nan   字体: [ ]
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Are you a hyper-parent? Do you do a little bit too much for your kids, make their lives just a little too easy? If this sounds like you, believe me, you're not alone. We called up with a couple of parents in New York who also admit that they are guilty1 as charged.

I am guilty of doing a little too much for my daughter.I take her pretty much where she wants to go. If she needs to be driven to a party or a friend outside, change my plans and take her where she wants to go.

I think it's very hard, I feel that my parents didn't do enough for me, so I am overcompensating.

It's inevitable2 that you compare what you do for your own kids to what other people are doing, and you wonder who's right and who's got the right balance.

Linda Fears is the editor-in-chief of the Family Circle magazine. Hi Linda.

Hi,Ann, how are you?

That sounds pretty familiar on a lot of working parents I know, try to overcompensate, so when is, it's too much, what are we doing too much for our kids?

If you try to fix or eliminate3 any problem your child might face then you're doing too much, and the truth is , it's really easy again and the pattern nobody wants their kids to be hurt or sad, but the truth is if your child is always safe from the situation, he is going to start to feel like that there is something wrong with him, like he is not smart enough, or not strong enough to handle situation on his own.

So it's not good for kids. And I can't imagine it's good for parents, either.

No, it's really not good for anybody, um, and like I've said, you know, it's very easy to fall into that pattern and the reason why a lot of parents end up doing this, is because they ,from birth, a lot of parents feel like they have to orchestrate their child's life.

Right, it's amazing, kids in grades got people all to think about what college are going to. They have met a million activities, and you see it's really wrong to expect your child to excel4 in everything they do and try to achieve that.

Well, that's not, that's right, that's not the point in having your child do a lot of activities, so he will be great at everything, there're very few kids that are great at everything. But it's important to expose them to a lot of different activities, so they can find out what their passion5 about, what they love, because those are the activities that they are going to try their heart decide, and ultimately6 excel at.

Right, let them try, let them fail, let them do all that, use some great tips for parents, and you say, one of the things you do , when you wanna jump in and solve the problem, as you really got to ask yourself whose problem is this anyway.

Well, that's right. And a lot of parents you know, think back when they were kids, when they were in uncomfortable or hard situations, and then projected that onto their own child. So, for instance7, if you weren't invited to the cool kid's party, and you see that's potentially happening to your daughter, you know, you need to say to yourself you know,who is my worry about, me or my kid?

En, and that's does a tough thing, and there is a lot of people experiencing up with parties. What about staying behind the scenes, it's a little bit, pulling back and stay in the background?

Right, again, very hard, and it might kill you to see your kids sitting on the bench during the basketball game week after week, but instead of running to the coach and dealing8 with yourself, talk to your child, you may be surprised to find out your child's gonna say, you know what, I am just happy to be on the team, I don't really mind not playing so much in every game. But if he is bothered by it, then it's your job as a parent to encourage him to go talk to the coach.

And you say it really help your kids hone decisions-making skills? Can you give us some examples of that ?

That's right, that's right. You know, life-long skills to be able to, to feel confident about making your own decisions, so for example, if you have a teenage9 daughter who wants to get some new clothes, decide on the budget, take her to the store, let her pick out her clothes, within certain parameters10, You know,so she's making decisions on her own, er, same goals for it there's social problem at school, and instead of rushing to help your child deal with it, wait a couple of days, see if she can handle them on her own.

Also for friendship problems kind of try that,just, just...

Try to hold back just a little bit

You see though when your child is disappointed11, you really can't help ease12 them through that, so we can we can show empathy obviously13 for a child's feeling?

Of course and your kids' feelings are gonna be hurt, when you go to the school, and you see that his child, his science project does not compare to his friend's whose chemical engineer father did it for him. But what you need to say to him is, you know what? I'm so proud of you, you did a great job, you did these all by yourself, and believe me , your teacher knows the difference between a child's work and an adult's work.

And you say it really rewrite the script14 about this setbacks. Help your child turn it around, right?

That's right, so if your child concerned and said, I failed my maths test, I'm so stupid. Say you know what, remember two weeks ago, when you did well on your test, you can do that again. So you're not gonna immediately say oh, Gee15, you know,we'd better call the tutor16, this is gotta be a problem here, you wanna make your child feel like, you know what, next time you are gonna do better, and here's how you gonna do it.

Help them keep all in perspective17, and we need to keep parenting in first perspective,

That's right, we need to just calm down, and see, cause the truth is the kids need to learn ,you know, it's ok to make mistakes. (That's life!),you know ,it's life, and if you failed your math test, if you don't make the soccer team, it's not the end of world.

Linda Fears, thank you so much, you're always so sensible18.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 guilty meBxq     
adj.犯罪的;有罪的;内疚的
参考例句:
  • There wasn't enough evidence to prove him guilty.没有充分的证据证明他有罪。
  • Really honest people are ofter made to feel guilty.真正老实的人常被弄得感到犯了罪似的。
2 inevitable 5xcyq     
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的
参考例句:
  • Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
  • The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。
3 eliminate yqSxM     
vt.排除,消除,根除
参考例句:
  • Can we ever eliminate poverty from the world?我们有朝一日能消除世上的贫困吗?
  • You must eliminate an unknown quantity.你必须消去一个未知数。
4 excel 3n3xM     
v.胜过,优于,杰出,善于,擅长于
参考例句:
  • If your talent combines with diligence,you can excel in your pursuit.如果你把天赋与勤奋结合起来,你所追求的事业便会出类拔萃。
  • He is working hard to excel his predecessors.他正努力超越他的前任。
5 passion x4UzZ     
n.热爱,强烈的感情,热情,耶稣的受难
参考例句:
  • He had a passion for music.他酷爱音乐。
  • In his passion,he tore the letter into pieces.在盛怒之下,他把那封信撕得粉碎。
6 ultimately Rluwh     
adv.最后地,最终地,首要地,基本地
参考例句:
  • It was a demeaning and ultimately frustrating experience.那是一次有失颜面并且令人沮丧至极的经历。
  • Vitamin C deficiency can ultimately lead to scurvy.缺乏维生素C最终能道致坏血病。
7 instance 66oxM     
n.例,例证,实例
参考例句:
  • Can you quote me a recent instance?你能给我举一个最近的例子吗?
  • He's a greedy boy,yesterday,for instance,he ate all our biscuits!他是个贪吃的孩子――比如,他昨天把我们的饼干都吃了!
8 dealing NvjzWP     
n.经商方法,待人态度
参考例句:
  • This store has an excellent reputation for fair dealing.该商店因买卖公道而享有极高的声誉。
  • His fair dealing earned our confidence.他的诚实的行为获得我们的信任。
9 teenage Up3wy     
adj.青少年的;十几岁的
参考例句:
  • His voice is very high for a teenage boy.对一个十几岁的男孩来说,他的嗓音很尖。
  • He is too old now for teenage parties.他年龄太大了,不适于参加少年聚会。
10 parameters 166e64f6c3677d0c513901242a3e702d     
因素,特征; 界限; (限定性的)因素( parameter的名词复数 ); 参量; 参项; 决定因素
参考例句:
  • We have to work within the parameters of time. 我们的工作受时间所限。
  • See parameters.cpp for a compilable example. This is part of the Spirit distribution. 可编译例子见parameters.cpp.这是Spirit分发包的组成部分。
11 disappointed I9wyP     
adj.失望的,不满意的,不如意的
参考例句:
  • He seemed disappointed when the man refused his request.当那个人拒绝了他的要求时他看起来很失望。
  • He was disappointed so often that he became hopeless.他屡次失望,以致变为了绝望。
12 ease wruxN     
n. 安乐,安逸,悠闲; v. 使...安乐,使...安心,减轻,放松
参考例句:
  • His mind was at ease and he felt confident in the future. 他心情舒畅,对前途很有信心。
  • You should ease up on the child and stop scolding her. 你应该对那个孩子宽松些,不要再骂她了。
13 obviously uIKxo     
adv.显然;明白地
参考例句:
  • Obviously they were putting him to a severe test.显然他们是在给他以严峻的考验。
  • Obviously he was lying.显然他是在撒谎。
14 script 2Z4x4     
n.剧本,广播稿;文字体系;笔迹,手迹
参考例句:
  • It's easy to identify his script.他的笔迹容易辨认。
  • The script is massaged into final form.这篇稿子经过修改已定稿。
15 gee ZsfzIu     
n.马;int.向右!前进!,惊讶时所发声音;v.向右转
参考例句:
  • Their success last week will gee the team up.上星期的胜利将激励这支队伍继续前进。
  • Gee,We're going to make a lot of money.哇!我们会赚好多钱啦!
16 tutor Bldwv     
n.家庭教师,导师,助教,监护人;vt.当…的教师,教,指导,约束
参考例句:
  • I think you should get her a tutor.我认为你应该替她请个家教。
  • What do you think of your tutor?你觉得你的家庭教师怎么样?
17 perspective 7MAxN     
n.视角,观点,想法
参考例句:
  • You can get a perspective of the whole city from here.从这里你可以看到城市的全景。
  • We may get a clear perspective of the people's happy lives.我们知道人民对幸福生活的展望。
18 sensible 9zAwg     
adj.可察觉的,意识到的,实用的;n.可感知物
参考例句:
  • Are you sensible of the dangers of your position? 你觉察到你处境中的危险了吗?
  • He was sensible enough to mind his own business.他颇有见识,不去管闲事。
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