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西部落:如何对待令你讨厌的同事?

时间:2021-03-16 07:53来源:互联网 提供网友:nan   字体: [ ]
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Okay, so, some of the gripes are major and some of the gripes are minor1, but Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster have written a book called "Working With You Is Killing2 Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work", and the management consultants3 say:"looking at this book would teach you how to deal with the aggravating4 people who make you dread5 going into the office." They join us now. Good to have you with us.

Good morning.

I say "Good morning" with some trepidation6. Don't (inaudible) But, it, it's always er.. risky7 to try to summarize a book to the authors of that book. But, as, as I read what you say, you say "Quit complaining",(Right),"Do something". But, and this is the part that surprised me, the best thing to do is to change yourself because you are not gonna change the other person.

That's right, Charlie. What we found in working with many, (a) thousands of people over the last 20 years is that we all know it's futile8 to try and change another person. So, the best thing you can do is begin by changing your internal reaction and then we give you very concrete tools for how to change your experience.

What, what's this business about unhooking yourself?

Right, well, we give you this process. It's actually four steps and the first two steps are to cool down your system. Because as we all know when we get upset, when someone, those co-workers really annoy you, you immediately get upset. So the first two steps are to deep breathing or doing some sort of physical exercise if you can run out of the building and walk around the block.

Yeah you say you spend a lot time talking people off the ledge(exactly),which is essentially9 calming them down .

It's cooling their system down.

Okay, but once you've done that and that seems very intuitive, then what do we do?

Well, the next two steps would be taking action.

Yes, to unhook verbally as what we say, so you find something to move the situation forward and you take the high road not accusatory but a win-win kind of communication, and then you look for a business tool whether it's documentation of some kind or sending out an e-mail or referring to a job description.

Okay, but it seems, isn't it a little defeatist to say you have to change yourself? Er, the, the... really it's 'me' that has to change as supposed to the other person?

Well, have you ever changed anybody?

I've tried many times; it's not really possible. So if you...

No, you can't, you can't affect a personality transplant in other people, I agree with that.

You can't change somebody. But if you can change your reaction to them you'll have a much better love-work life.

Yeah but they are still gonna be annoying, aren't they?

That's right. That they are not gonna change and part of the book we explain to you how to depersonalize and detach and stop taking it personally.

Alright, you spend a lot of time telling me about types of workers, co-workers and types of bosses.(Right)So,give me the, the most common annoying type of co-worker.

The most common annoying type of co-workers, actually what the viewers were talking about, er, they are called "boundary-busters". So, whether it's someone who invades your space, makes too much noise, eats up your time, chews your ear off. Those are boundary-busters.

And how do I deal with them?

Most of the time you do have to confront the boundary-buster. But what we suggest is again cool your system down(Correct! ) ,make sure, you know, make sure you take the high road and when you do confront and communicate with them, you say in a way that they actually say:Oh,okay, I hear you, rather than yelling at him. What we tend to do is" You are so loud" instead of saying:" you know what, it really bothers me, I can't concentrate when your, when your voice goes up, so can you please calm it down? " So it's a way, it's a communication style and we give many examples in "Working With You Is Killing Me".

Okay, and, and what's the worst kind of co-worker? May not be the most common but the worst.

Well, what we call the worst kind, what we've decided10 among ourselves is the "saboteur" and this is because this person will speak very sweetly to you. And in the meantime, stab your back, one way or another, behind, behind you.

Right, and what I do about that?

Well, you have to be your own, wage your own PR campaign. As soon as you detect that somebody is talking negatively about you. And usually somebody will warn you or you can sense that your relationships with other people are deteriorating11. You, you need to just make sure that you're at every meeting and you know when this person is speaking to someone else that you can get in and find out what they are saying. And wage your own PR campaign get people to speak better of you, at ultimately they get caught.

Right. The key with the saboteur is you have to detect it. So if someone says to you something like watch out for Susie Q, She's known for doing that kind of thing, you really wanna listen.

If they tell you she is a snake, she is probably a snake.(She perhaps...Exactly)And most common problem with the boss?

Er, you know, personally I think it's the exploder, although a second too, would be the avoider. You know, the boss that...

Exploders are the one who yell(s) at you, the avoiders are the one who doesn't address the problem.

Exactly. They are afraid of confrontation12 and they are both equally awful. Nobody wants to get yelled at, and no one wants a boss that doesn't have your back. If you go to them for a raise but that would be a confrontation for them to get you a raise, they're just not gonna do it.So...

When does it get to the point that either you have to quit or the annoying person has to quit?

That's a really good question. And what we say in "Working With You Is Killing Me" is that, you actually have to figure out your tolerance13 level and you also need to determine what are your fatal attractions. For some people an exploder as Cathy mentioned is tolerable, they can...if they use our technique and learn to manage up, they can deal with it; for others that is just not acceptable and the toxins14 from working with someone like that literally15 wear away at their health.

You know, when you really ask people in "Working With You Is Killing Me" is to, to learn to assess yourself and what your tolerable level is ,what you can really tolerate.

All right , all right , thanks to both of you, appreciate it.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 minor e7fzR     
adj.较小(少)的,较次要的;n.辅修学科;vi.辅修
参考例句:
  • The young actor was given a minor part in the new play.年轻的男演员在这出新戏里被分派担任一个小角色。
  • I gave him a minor share of my wealth.我把小部分财产给了他。
2 killing kpBziQ     
n.巨额利润;突然赚大钱,发大财
参考例句:
  • Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
  • Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。
3 consultants c6fbb5ca6219111731f9c4c4d2675810     
顾问( consultant的名词复数 ); 高级顾问医生,会诊医生
参考例句:
  • a firm of management consultants 管理咨询公司
  • There're many consultants in hospital. 医院里有很多会诊医生。
4 aggravating a730a877bac97b818a472d65bb9eed6d     
adj.恼人的,讨厌的
参考例句:
  • How aggravating to be interrupted! 被打扰,多令人生气呀!
  • Diesel exhaust is particularly aggravating to many susceptible individuals. 许多体质敏感的人尤其反感柴油废气。
5 dread Ekpz8     
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧
参考例句:
  • We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
  • Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。
6 trepidation igDy3     
n.惊恐,惶恐
参考例句:
  • The men set off in fear and trepidation.这群人惊慌失措地出发了。
  • The threat of an epidemic caused great alarm and trepidation.流行病猖獗因而人心惶惶。
7 risky IXVxe     
adj.有风险的,冒险的
参考例句:
  • It may be risky but we will chance it anyhow.这可能有危险,但我们无论如何要冒一冒险。
  • He is well aware how risky this investment is.他心里对这项投资的风险十分清楚。
8 futile vfTz2     
adj.无效的,无用的,无希望的
参考例句:
  • They were killed,to the last man,in a futile attack.因为进攻失败,他们全部被杀,无一幸免。
  • Their efforts to revive him were futile.他们对他抢救无效。
9 essentially nntxw     
adv.本质上,实质上,基本上
参考例句:
  • Really great men are essentially modest.真正的伟人大都很谦虚。
  • She is an essentially selfish person.她本质上是个自私自利的人。
10 decided lvqzZd     
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的
参考例句:
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
11 deteriorating 78fb3515d7abc3a0539b443be0081fb1     
恶化,变坏( deteriorate的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • The weather conditions are deteriorating. 天气变得越来越糟。
  • I was well aware of the bad morale and the deteriorating factories. 我很清楚,大家情绪低落,各个工厂越搞越坏。
12 confrontation xYHy7     
n.对抗,对峙,冲突
参考例句:
  • We can't risk another confrontation with the union.我们不能冒再次同工会对抗的危险。
  • After years of confrontation,they finally have achieved a modus vivendi.在对抗很长时间后,他们最后达成安宁生存的非正式协议。
13 tolerance Lnswz     
n.宽容;容忍,忍受;耐药力;公差
参考例句:
  • Tolerance is one of his strengths.宽容是他的一个优点。
  • Human beings have limited tolerance of noise.人类对噪音的忍耐力有限。
14 toxins 18c3f40d432ba8dc33bad8fb82873ea8     
n.毒素( toxin的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • The seas have been used as a receptacle for a range of industrial toxins. 海洋成了各种有毒工业废料的大容器。
  • Most toxins are naturally excreted from the body. 大部分毒素被自然排出体外。 来自《简明英汉词典》
15 literally 28Wzv     
adv.照字面意义,逐字地;确实
参考例句:
  • He translated the passage literally.他逐字逐句地翻译这段文字。
  • Sometimes she would not sit down till she was literally faint.有时候,她不走到真正要昏厥了,决不肯坐下来。
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