ETS官网GRE5分范文欣赏

 　　Essay Response — Score 5

　　Surely many of us have expressed the following sentiment, or some variation on it, during our daily commutes¹ to work: "People are getting so stupid these days!" Surrounded as we are by striding and strident automatons² with cell phones glued to their ears, PDA's gripped in their palms, and omniscient³, omnipresent CNN gleaming in their eyeballs, it's tempting⁴ to believe that technology has isolated⁵ and infantilized us, essentally transforming us into dependent, conformist morons⁶ best equipped to sideswip one another in our SUV's.

　　Furthermore, hanging around with the younger, pre-commute generation, whom tech-savviness seems to have rendered lethal⁷, is even less reassuring⁸. With "Teen People" style trends shooting through the air from tiger-striped PDA to zebra-striped PDA, and with the latest starlet gossip zipping from juicy Blackberry to teeny, turbo-charged cell phone, technology seems to support young people's worst tendencies to follow the crowd. Indeed, they have seemingly evolved into intergalactic conformity⁹ police. After all, today's tech-aided teens are, courtesy of authentic¹⁰, hands-on video games, literally¹¹ trained to kill; courtesy of chat and instant text messaging, they have their own language; they even have tiny cameras to efficiently¹² photodocument your fashion blunders! Is this adolescence¹³, or paparazzi terrorist training camp?

　　With all this evidence, it's easy to believe that tech trends and the incorporation¹⁴ of technological¹⁵ wizardry into our everyday lives have served mostly to enforce conformity, promote dependence¹⁶, heighten comsumerism and materialism¹⁷, and generally create a culture that values self-absorption and personal entitlement over cooperation and collaboration¹⁸. However, I argue that we are merely in the inchoate¹⁹ stages of learning to live with technology while still loving one another. After all, even given the examples provided earlier in this essay, it seems clear that technology hasn't impaired²⁰ our thinking and problem-solving capacities. Certainly it has incapacitated our behavior and manners; certainly our values have taken a severe blow. However, we are inarguably more efficient in our badness these days. We're effective worker bees of ineffectiveness!

　　If T\technology has so increased our senses of self-efficacy that we can become veritable agents of the awful, virtual CEO's of selfishness, certainly it can be beneficial. Harnessed correctly, technology can improve our ability to think and act for ourselves. The first challenge is to figure out how to provide technology users with some direly-needed direction.

　　Reader Commentary for Essay Response — Score 5The language of this essay clearly illustrates²¹ both its strengths and weaknesses. The flowery and sometimes uncannily keen descriptions are often used to powerful effect, but at other times this descriptive language results in errors in syntax. See, for example, the problems of parallelism in the second-to-last sentence of paragraph 2 ("After all, today's tech-aided teens ...").

　　There is consistent evidence of facility with syntax and complex vocabulary ("Surrounded as we are by striding and strident automatons with cell phones glued to their ears, PDA's gripped in their palms, and omniscient, omnipresent CNN gleaming in their eyeballs, it's tempting to believe..."). However, such lucid²² prose is often countered by an over-reliance on abstractions and tangential²³ reasoning. For example, what does the fact that video games "literally train [teens] to kill" have to do with the use or deterioration²⁴ of thinking abilities??

　　Because this essay takes a complex approach to the issue (arguing, in effect, that technology neither enhances nor reduces our ability to think for ourselves, but can do one or the other, depending on the user) and because the author makes use of "appropriate vocabulary and sentence variety," a score of 5 is appropriate.

 

1 commutes   

上下班路程( commute的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• She commutes from Oxford to London every day. 她每天上下班往返于牛津与伦敦之间。
• Barbara lives in Oxford and commutes. 芭芭拉住在牛津，通勤往来。

2 automatons   

n.自动机，机器人( automaton的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• These docile lunatic automatons are no more trouble to their guards than cattle. 对警卫来说，这些驯良的，机器人般的疯子和家畜一样不会带来多大的麻烦。 来自辞典例句
• For the most part, automatons are improved while they are off. 对大多数移动机器来讲，它们是在关机状态下得以改良的。 来自互联网

3 omniscient   

adj.无所不知的；博识的

参考例句：

• He's nervous when trying to potray himself as omniscient.当他试图把自己描绘得无所不知时，内心其实很紧张。
• Christians believe that God is omniscient.基督教徒相信上帝是无所不知的。

4 tempting   

a.诱人的, 吸引人的

参考例句：

• It is tempting to idealize the past. 人都爱把过去的日子说得那么美好。
• It was a tempting offer. 这是个诱人的提议。

5 isolated   

adj.与世隔绝的

参考例句：

• His bad behaviour was just an isolated incident. 他的不良行为只是个别事件。
• Patients with the disease should be isolated. 这种病的患者应予以隔离。

6 morons   

傻子( moron的名词复数 )； 痴愚者（指心理年龄在8至12岁的成年人）

参考例句：

• They're a bunch of morons. 他们是一群蠢货。
• They're a load of morons. 他们是一群笨蛋。

7 lethal   

adj.致死的；毁灭性的

参考例句：

• A hammer can be a lethal weapon.铁锤可以是致命的武器。
• She took a lethal amount of poison and died.她服了致命剂量的毒药死了。

8 reassuring   

a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的，使人放心的

参考例句：

• He gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. 他轻拍了一下她的肩膀让她放心。
• With a reassuring pat on her arm, he left. 他鼓励地拍了拍她的手臂就离开了。

9 conformity   

n.一致，遵从，顺从

参考例句：

• Was his action in conformity with the law?他的行动是否合法？
• The plan was made in conformity with his views.计划仍按他的意见制定。

10 authentic   

a.真的，真正的；可靠的，可信的，有根据的

参考例句：

• This is an authentic news report. We can depend on it. 这是篇可靠的新闻报道, 我们相信它。
• Autumn is also the authentic season of renewal. 秋天才是真正的除旧布新的季节。

11 literally   

adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实

参考例句：

• He translated the passage literally.他逐字逐句地翻译这段文字。
• Sometimes she would not sit down till she was literally faint.有时候，她不走到真正要昏厥了，决不肯坐下来。

12 efficiently   

adv.高效率地，有能力地

参考例句：

• The worker oils the machine to operate it more efficiently.工人给机器上油以使机器运转更有效。
• Local authorities have to learn to allocate resources efficiently.地方政府必须学会有效地分配资源。

13 adolescence   

n.青春期，青少年

参考例句：

• Adolescence is the process of going from childhood to maturity.青春期是从少年到成年的过渡期。
• The film is about the trials and tribulations of adolescence.这部电影讲述了青春期的麻烦和苦恼。

14 incorporation   

n.设立，合并，法人组织

参考例句：

• The incorporation of air bubbles in the glass spoiled it.玻璃含有气泡，使它质量降低。
• The company will be retooled after the incorporation.合并之后的公司要进行重组。

15 technological   

adj.技术的；工艺的

参考例句：

• A successful company must keep up with the pace of technological change.一家成功的公司必须得跟上技术变革的步伐。
• Today,the pace of life is increasing with technological advancements.当今， 随着科技进步，生活节奏不断增快。

16 dependence   

n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属

参考例句：

• Doctors keep trying to break her dependence of the drug.医生们尽力使她戒除毒瘾。
• He was freed from financial dependence on his parents.他在经济上摆脱了对父母的依赖。

17 materialism   

n.［哲］唯物主义，唯物论；物质至上

参考例句：

• Idealism is opposite to materialism.唯心论和唯物论是对立的。
• Crass materialism causes people to forget spiritual values.极端唯物主义使人忘掉精神价值。

18 collaboration   

n.合作，协作；勾结

参考例句：

• The two companies are working in close collaboration each other.这两家公司密切合作。
• He was shot for collaboration with the enemy.他因通敌而被枪毙了。

19 inchoate   

adj.才开始的，初期的

参考例句：

• His dreams were senseless and inchoate.他的梦想根本行不通，很不成熟。
• Her early works are inchoate idea,nothing but full of lush rhetoric.她的早期作品都不太成熟，除了华丽的词藻外就没什麽内容了。

20 impaired   

adj.受损的；出毛病的；有（身体或智力）缺陷的v.损害，削弱( impair的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Much reading has impaired his vision. 大量读书损害了他的视力。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• His hearing is somewhat impaired. 他的听觉已受到一定程度的损害。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

21 illustrates   

给…加插图( illustrate的第三人称单数 )； 说明； 表明； （用示例、图画等）说明

参考例句：

• This historical novel illustrates the breaking up of feudal society in microcosm. 这部历史小说是走向崩溃的封建社会的缩影。
• Alfred Adler, a famous doctor, had an experience which illustrates this. 阿尔弗莱德 - 阿德勒是一位著名的医生，他有过可以说明这点的经历。 来自中级百科部分

22 lucid   

adj.明白易懂的，清晰的，头脑清楚的

参考例句：

• His explanation was lucid and to the point.他的解释扼要易懂。
• He wasn't very lucid,he didn't quite know where he was.他神志不是很清醒，不太知道自己在哪里。

23 tangential   

adj.离题的，切线的

参考例句：

• Too much time was spent discussing tangential issues.太多的时间花在了讨论那些无关紧要的问题上。
• They thought the whole thing was a side-show, tangential to the real world of business.他们认为整件事情只是一个插曲，和真正的商界没有多大关系。

24 deterioration   

n.退化；恶化；变坏

参考例句：

• Mental and physical deterioration both occur naturally with age. 随着年龄的增长，心智和体力自然衰退。
• The car's bodywork was already showing signs of deterioration. 这辆车的车身已经显示出了劣化迹象。