美满婚姻的秘诀

 　　It is meant to be the cornerstone of any strong relationship。

　　But new research shows that forgiveness is more likely to tear a marriage apart than keep it together。

　　Those not so easily forgiven were less likely to repeat their behavior, due to a loved one's criticism and the feelings of guilt¹ and loneliness they experienced。

　　The findings, published in the Journal of Family Psychology², showed partners who got away with being moody³, abusive or sarcastic⁴ to their spouses⁶ were much more likely to do it again。

　　Those that were rebuked⁷ or shunned⁸ were more inclined to curb⁹ their bad habits。

　　The research, by psychologists at the University of Tennessee, calls into question the long-held belief that forgiving a partner's minor¹⁰ transgressions¹¹ is one of the building blocks of a solid relationship。

　　Dr James McNulty, from the university's department of psychology, recruited 135 newly-wed couples and asked each partner to keep a daily diary for one week。

　　In it, they recorded every time their new husband or wife engaged in "negative" behavior. This ranged from arguing and snapping to nagging¹² and being moody。

　　They also had to record whether they forgave the transgressions, or instead strongly criticized their partner for their behavior。

　　Finally, each participant had to document whether, having been forgiven, their spouse⁵ continued to behave in a similar fashion the next day。

　　The results showed that forgiveness nearly doubled the chance of a husband or wife doing the same again the next day。

　　Dr McNulty said: "There is one plausible¹³ explanation - forgiveness allows relatively¹⁴ negative partners to continue their negative behaviors, ultimately harming the relationship."

　　宽恕伴侣的过错本应是稳定婚姻关系的支柱，然而新的研究却发现宽恕更有可能导致婚姻破裂。

　　如果伴侣不轻易原谅，爱人的批评，以及他们内心的的愧疚和孤独，会让过错方重犯错误的几率大大降低。

　　这项发表在《家庭心理学期刊》的研究发现表明，一方若是情绪不稳定、有虐待倾向或恶语相向而仍被原谅，那么他们再犯的可能性就会增大。

　　然而若是被反击或排斥，则很有可能收敛自己的行为。

　　这项由田纳西大学的心理学家们发起的研究质疑了原谅伴侣的小错可以巩固婚姻关系的这一传统观念。

　　该校心理学系的詹姆士?麦克那提博士征集了135对新婚夫妇志愿者，请夫妇双方都记一周的日记，记录对方的每一次 “负面”行为，如争执、吼叫、唠叨、情绪化等。

　　日记里也记录是原谅这些小过错，还是强烈谴责对方。

　　最终，每位参与者必须记录，如果选择原谅，对方次日是否会有所改进。

　　结果显示如果一方选择原谅，另一方在第二天继续犯错的几率增加了一倍。

　　麦克那提博士说：“其中一种解释是宽恕会使过错方继续犯错，然后最终破环夫妻关系。”

1 guilt   

n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责

参考例句：

• She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
• Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。

2 psychology   

n.心理，心理学，心理状态

参考例句：

• She has a background in child psychology.她受过儿童心理学的教育。
• He studied philosophy and psychology at Cambridge.他在剑桥大学学习哲学和心理学。

3 moody   

adj.心情不稳的，易怒的，喜怒无常的

参考例句：

• He relapsed into a moody silence.他又重新陷于忧郁的沉默中。
• I'd never marry that girl.She's so moody.我决不会和那女孩结婚的。她太易怒了。

4 sarcastic   

adj.讥讽的，讽刺的，嘲弄的

参考例句：

• I squashed him with a sarcastic remark.我说了一句讽刺的话把他给镇住了。
• She poked fun at people's shortcomings with sarcastic remarks.她冷嘲热讽地拿别人的缺点开玩笑。

5 spouse   

n.配偶(指夫或妻)

参考例句：

• Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
• What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？

6 spouses   

n.配偶，夫或妻( spouse的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Jobs are available for spouses on campus and in the community. 校园里和社区里有配偶可做的工作。 来自辞典例句
• An astonishing number of spouses-most particularly in the upper-income brackets-have no close notion of their husbands'paychecks. 相当大一部分妇女——特别在高收入阶层——并不很了解他们丈夫的薪金。 来自辞典例句

7 rebuked   

责难或指责( rebuke的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The company was publicly rebuked for having neglected safety procedures. 公司因忽略了安全规程而受到公开批评。
• The teacher rebuked the boy for throwing paper on the floor. 老师指责这个男孩将纸丢在地板上。

8 shunned   

v.避开，回避，避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She was shunned by her family when she remarried. 她再婚后家里人都躲着她。
• He was a shy man who shunned all publicity. 他是个怕羞的人，总是避开一切引人注目的活动。 来自《简明英汉词典》

9 curb   

n.场外证券市场，场外交易；vt.制止，抑制

参考例句：

• I could not curb my anger.我按捺不住我的愤怒。
• You must curb your daughter when you are in church.你在教堂时必须管住你的女儿。

10 minor   

adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修

参考例句：

• The young actor was given a minor part in the new play.年轻的男演员在这出新戏里被分派担任一个小角色。
• I gave him a minor share of my wealth.我把小部分财产给了他。

11 transgressions   

n.违反，违法，罪过( transgression的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Many marine transgressions occur across coastal plains. 许多海运是横越滨海平原。 来自辞典例句
• For I know my transgressions, and my sin always before me. 因为我知道我的过犯，我的罪常在我面前。 来自互联网

12 nagging   

adj.唠叨的，挑剔的；使人不得安宁的v.不断地挑剔或批评（某人）( nag的现在分词 )；不断地烦扰或伤害（某人）；无休止地抱怨；不断指责

参考例句：

• Stop nagging—I'll do it as soon as I can. 别唠叨了—我会尽快做的。
• I've got a nagging pain in my lower back. 我后背下方老是疼。 来自《简明英汉词典》

13 plausible   

adj.似真实的，似乎有理的，似乎可信的

参考例句：

• His story sounded plausible.他说的那番话似乎是真实的。
• Her story sounded perfectly plausible.她的说辞听起来言之有理。

14 relatively   

adv.比较...地，相对地

参考例句：

• The rabbit is a relatively recent introduction in Australia.兔子是相对较新引入澳大利亚的物种。
• The operation was relatively painless.手术相对来说不痛。