生活大爆炸 第九季:第23集 谢尔顿花钱买服务引发的风波(上)

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See, I remembered because if it looks like Kim it's Kim, if it looks kind of like Kim it's Kourtney, and if it looks nothing like Kim it's Khloe. 我能记得是因为，长得像金就是金·卡戴珊，如果长得有点像金，那就是葛妮，如果长得完全不像金，那就是科勒

Oh, that's a Venn Diagram, and I remember because I thought to myself, "Venn is he gonna stop talking about this diagram?  这是维恩图解，我能记得是因为我当时想，"这叫维恩的家伙，什么时候能不说这图了"

What are you guys doing? 你们俩在干嘛

Oh, well, we decided¹ to use our breakfast time to expand our respective knowledge bases. 我们决定用我们早餐时间来扩大我们各自的知识储备

Oh, let me try. Hmm, atom of hydrogen, Adam of Maroon² 5, mic drop. 让我试试，氢原子与魔力红的主唱亚当（两者音似）扔麦霸气退场

I'm sorry, who is Mike Drop? 抱歉，谁是扔麦霸气退场

Oh, hey, Penny, do you want to go to the airport with me later to pick up my mother? 佩妮，你晚点想跟我一起，去机场接我妈吗

Sure. Thanks. No problem. Hey, Penny, um, since you're already gonna be at the airport, do I need to go? 好啊，谢谢，小事，佩妮，既然你都要去机场了，我还有去的必要吗

Why don't you want to get your mother from the airport? 你为什么不想去机场接你妈妈

Well, I can do without the 40minute car ride where she criticizes every aspect of my life. 因为我的人生不需要增加一段对我人生长达40分钟的全方位嘲讽

She can cover it in a car ride? I could do 40 minutes on your posture³ alone. 她一趟车程就能全说完了吗，光是你的姿势我就能说40分钟呢

You really want me to pick up your mother all by myself? 你真的想要我一个人去接你妈吗

Hmm, I just feel like it would be a good chance for you to bond. 我只是觉得这是你们俩增进感情的好机会

Or a way for you to avoid her? 或是你避开她的好机会吗

I don't know what he's putting on those cards, but you are smarter than ever. 我不知道他的卡上都写了什么，但你机智程度破了你人生记录啊

Fine, if you really want me to, I will pick your mom up. Seriously? 如果真想我去，那我就去接你妈妈吧，真的吗

Yeah, you know what, she is my mother-in-law, and I'd like for us to have a good relationship. 对啊，毕竟她也是我婆婆，我也想我们能好好相处

That is very mature of you, so I'm gonna go ahead and say, "Suckah." 你这行为好成熟，所以我决定告诉你，"傻逼"

All right, back to learning. Okay. Oh, easy, Bill Nye the Science Guy. Or as I know him..."Creepy old dude from Dancing with the Stars." 继续学习，好的，简单，《比尔教科学》的主持人比尔，我印象中的他是..."《与星共舞》里的怪老头"

Did you guys see there's an Avengers screening? 你们知道最近有场《复仇者联盟》的放映吗

Joss Whedon's gonna show some deleted scenes and do a question and answer session. 这戏的导演会放出删减的片段，还会有一个问与答的环节

Oh, well, I have a few questions for him about the last Avengers movie...and a whole lot of answers. 我对于上一部《复仇者联盟》电影有几个问题想问他，还有一大堆吐槽答案

When's the screening? Uh, it's tonight, but it's firstcome, firstserved, so we should probably get there early and wait in line. 活动是什么时候，今晚，但是谁先来谁有座，所以我们应该提早去排队

Let's do it. Penny's busy with my mother, so I'm in. 咱们去吧，佩妮得忙着陪我妈妈，我也去

Oh, bad news. Amy's making me go shopping with her later, so looks like none of us can go. 有个坏消息，艾米叫我晚点陪她去逛街所以大家都别想去了

You do realize we're allowed to have fun without you? In fact, that's usually the trick to it. 你知道你不在场时我们也有权享乐的吧，通常就是因为你不在才能享乐

What time do we need to get there? Uh, I'd say by 3:00. 我们几点得到，我觉得3点吧

You're really going without me? 你们真的要抛下我去玩吗

It's not a big deal. Go shopping with Amy, and we'll save a spot in line for you. 不是什么大事，去跟艾米逛街吧，到时候我们帮你占一个位置

You don't have the authority to save places in the line. If I do that, I'll be cutting. 你没有权利在队伍中帮人占位置，如果我这么做，那就是插队了

People do it all the time. 大家都这样啊

You know the golden rule of line etiquette:"No cuts, no buts, no coconuts⁵." 你知道排队的黄金条例，"插队死全家"

If you really care that much, there are apps now that'll let you hire people to do stuff like errands and wait in lines. 如果你真这么在意，现在也有很多软件可以让你花钱请人代跑腿或者代排队啊

People are actually waiting in lines as a job? Boy, makes me feel better about my life. 真有人的工作是排队吗，突然对自己的人生产生满足感

Some of these guys make over $20 an hour. 他们其中有些人时薪超过20块呢

And now I feel worse again. 现在我又悲伤感爆棚了

I'm not surprised Leonard chose to avoid picking me up. He's battled intimacy⁶ issues his whole life. Does he have difficulty maintaining erections? 我一点都不惊讶莱纳德选择逃避接机，他这辈子都在克服亲密关系问题，他对于保持勃起状态会有困难吗

Didn't even make it out of the parking lot. 都还没开出停车场呢

Uh, you know what, enough about Leonard. Let's talk about you. 莱纳德的事说够多了，来说说你的事吧

What would you like to do while you're here? 你这次来这里，有想做什么吗

Dear, I'm a psychiatrist⁷. You don't have to avoid having intimate conversations with me. 亲爱的，我是个心理医生，你不用逃避跟我谈论私密的话题

Well, I'd actually like for us to be close, but maybe we start with our favorite books and work our way up to my husband's sex organs. 其实我也想跟你变得亲近，或许我们可以聊聊我们最喜欢的书，然后再慢慢聊到我丈夫的性器官

Very well. What's the last book you read? 没问题，你最近读的一本书是什么

Um, does Pottery⁸ Barn, Spring count? 家具店春季目录算吗

Penny, it's only natural to want your motherinlaw to like you, and I acknowledge I can be an intimidating⁹ person. So what can I do to make this process easier for you? 佩妮，想要自己的婆婆喜欢自己很正常，我承认我有时过于强势吓人，我该怎么做才能让你自在点呢

Uh, for starters, maybe you can not psychoanalyze everything I say? 比如说，你能不能不要跟我玩精神分析这一套

And how does it make you feel when I psychoanalyze everything you say? Uncomfortable. 那当我精神分析你时，你有什么感觉呢，很不舒服

That was a joke, dear. 亲爱的，我刚才在开玩笑

Oh. Sorry. Didn't know you made those. 抱歉，不知道你还会开玩笑

Hey, listen, what if we have a little mother-in-law-daughter-in-law dinner tonight? 不如我们今晚来个婆媳小聚餐吧

So just the two of us? Or I invite a few girlfriends, 'cause hearing you say "The two of us" just sent a chill right down my spine¹⁰. 所以就咱俩吗，或许我再叫上俩闺蜜，因为听到你说"就咱俩"时，我的后脊一阵发凉

What are you doing here? You're not Sheldon. 你上车干嘛，你又不是谢尔顿

I thought that might come up. Sheldon hired me to go shopping with you. 我早料到你可能会这么说，谢尔顿花钱雇我，让我跟你去逛街

Hold on. He paid you to get out of spending time with me? 慢着，他给你钱，好不用跟我一起待着是吗

No, it's not like that. There's a long line he'd rather stand in. 不，不是那样的，是他宁可去排一条长长的队

So what are we doing? Old Navy, Build A Bear? 我们要做什么，你想买衣服还是做玩具熊

I get paid either way. 反正做啥我都有钱拿

We're not going shopping together. 我才不会跟你去逛街

You sure? I'm happy to hold your bag. And Sheldon gave me money for a hotdog on a stick. 你确定吗，我可是很乐意帮你拿包包哦，谢尔顿还给了我买热狗棒的钱

Can you understand why I might be annoyed right now? 你能理解为什么我现在很火大吗

Look, lady, I just work here. 女士，我今天才第一天上班

We've waited in a lot of lines together, haven't we? 我们一起排过很多次队，对吧

Remember when we camped out for the Doctor Who panel at ComicCon? 还记得我们为了漫展《神秘博士》的剧组在外露营了吗

Yeah, sleeping under the stars with other fans who love the show as much as we do. 记得，露宿在星空下，跟一群像我们一样热爱这部剧的粉丝们

Waking up, wondering which one of those fans stole our wallets. 醒来后寻思，到底是哪个粉丝偷了我们的钱包

Stuart, what are you doing here? 斯尔图特，你来这里干嘛

Sheldon, you are the most inconsiderate person I have ever met in my entire life! 谢尔顿，你是我这辈子见过最不顾及别人感受的人

Where do you get off sending me to shop with your girlfriend?! 你哪儿来的胆子，居然让我去陪你女朋友逛街

I don't understand. You were happy to do this when I hired you. Whywhy are you upset with me now? 我糊涂了，之前给你钱时，你不是很乐意这么做吗，为什么现在对我这么不爽

Oh, I'm not upset with you, but Amy's pretty bent¹¹ out of shape, so she hired me to let you have it. 不是我对你不爽，但艾米现在超级不爽你，所以她花钱请我来骂你

Well, I suppose turnabout is fair play. 天道好轮回，苍天饶过谁

You're darn right it's fair play, you selfish jerk! 你他妈说对了，你个自私的混蛋

You know, just when I think we're making progress in our relationship, we revert¹² to our old patterns where thoughts and feelings go unexpressed. 正当我觉得我们的关系取得进展时，我们又恢复原状，他有什么想法和情绪都不告诉我

I mean, if he didn't want to go shopping with me, why didn't he just say so? 我是说，如果他不想跟我去逛街，那他干嘛不直接说

Maybe he couldn't get a word in edgewise. 或许是因为他插不上嘴

I'm sorry, I've been going on and on. 抱歉，我一直喋喋不休

Oh, it's all right, dear. Sheldon has a brilliant and complicated mind. It's understandable that being in a relationship with him could be trying. 没关系，亲爱的，谢尔顿的大脑睿智又复杂，我可以理解跟他谈恋爱会比较费劲

I called him "babe" once. He asked me to get a drug test. 我有次叫了他"宝贝"，他怀疑我嗑药，要我药检

Well, I do admire your resolve. You're an extraordinary woman. Thank you. 我真的很佩服你的决心，你是一名非凡的女性，谢谢

You know, she's my motherinlaw. Why can't I bond with her like that? 她是我婆婆，为什么我不能跟她像这样热络呢

Amy's with Sheldon who she loves like a son. You're with her son...who she doesn't. 艾米跟她视如己出的谢尔顿在一起，而你跟她...视如外人的儿子在一起

Do you realize it took me five years to get a massage¹³ from him? 你知道我们谈了五年，他才愿意给我做按摩吗

Oh, well, that still could be a big step for Sheldon. 那对谢尔顿来说，也算是很大的进步了

Three minutes. And he used a kitchen timer. I felt like a softboiled egg. 三分钟，他用了一个厨房计时器计时，我觉得自己就像一颗溏心蛋

You know, being in a relationship with Leonard also comes with its challenges. Yes. Well, what can you do? 跟莱纳德一起相处也是挑战满满哦，是啊，但你又能怎么样呢

Maybe it's Sheldon, here to say he's sorry. Sheldon says he's sorry. 或许是谢尔顿来道歉了，谢尔顿说对不起

Bernadette, I'll give you five dollars to slam the door. 伯纳黛特，我给你五块钱，使劲摔门

I would have done it for three. 我收三块就行

Boy, all this standing's making me tired. Good thing I brought my collapsible stick chair. 天啊，站这么久我好累啊，还好我带了我的手杖折叠椅

Not the stick chair. You look like an idiot on that thing. 我讨厌那椅子，你坐在那玩意上像个傻子

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chairs on sticks are comfy. 棍杖和石头或许会弄断我的骨头，但在棍杖上的椅子，超舒服哦

Is everything smoothed out with Amy? 艾米的事摆平了吗

Uh, no, she's still pretty mad. Did you make the apology as sincere as I would have? I said, "Sheldon says he's sorry." 没有，她还是很生气，你道歉的时候，有像我那样真诚吗，我说"谢尔顿说对不起"

Oh, well, that's laying it on a little thick. You think it's time you apologize to her yourself? 那有点过分真诚了，你该亲自去跟她道歉了吧

I suppose so. But if I get out of the line, I'll lose my spot. 我想也是，但如果我走出队伍，我的位置就没了

I'm happy to hold your place till you get back. 我很乐意帮你保留位置等你回来

You would do that? Consider it my way of getting more of your money. 你会这么做吗，就当这是我坑你钱的方式吧

You're a good man. 你真是一个好人

So, Beverly, did you know Penny is the number three sales rep at our pharmaceutical¹⁴ company? 贝弗莉，你知道佩妮是我们制药公司业绩第三名的销售代表吗

Oh, I didn't realize you two work together. 我都不知道你们俩一起工作

Well, we don't exactly. I'm a microbiologist for the research team. 其实不算是，我是研发团队的微生物学家

Oh, what are you currently developing? 你们最近在研发什么

Some exciting new antianxiety drugs. 一种抗焦虑的新药

That's interesting. I just attended a lecture on pediatric anxiety. 真是巧了，我刚参加了一个关于儿童焦虑症的讲座

Oh, was it, uh, Dr. Jenofski? 是不是杰诺夫斯基博士的讲座

I just saw his TED⁴ Talk! It was. 我才看了他的TED演讲，正是他的

Let's get back to Penny. 我们还是聊回佩妮吧

Hey, weren't you telling me something great about your company car? It has seat warmers. 对了，你之前不是提起过公司给你的那辆车有多棒吗，车上有座椅加热器

 

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