成长的烦恼第六季:Eddie, We Hardly Knew Ye

Ed: And my thanks to you my good man.
Taxi Driver: That's thirty four even.
Ed: I'll be right back.
Taxi Driver: Hey, if I knew I was going to have to wait, I wouldn't have turned off the meter.
Ed: I know. (In his head) Oh god give me strength. (Aloud) Alright, spread em clown!
Ben: Spread what? Grandpa Ed!
Ed: Ha ha Bennie. Listen; are you happy to see me?
Ben: Sure grandpa.
Ed: Are you thrilled to see me?
Ben: You bet grandpa.
Ed: Got thirty four bucks¹ I can borrow?
Ben: Who are you?
Ed: Keep your pants on! Where are your folks?
Ben: In bed.
Ed: Well, well, well. If this isn't a pretty picture. Jaaason. Oh Jason.
Jason: Oh sweetheart.
Ed: No Jason! Get up!
Jason: No Mike, the machine gun. No. Ah Ed, what are you doing in my bedroom?
Ed: A more important question might be what are you doing with my daughter?
Jason: We are married.
Ed: Oh, you think that makes it ok. How about a little kiss for your dad.
Jason: Ah, ah, please, pelease, pelease!
Ed: Is he always this grumpy in the morning?

Maggie: I wish my dad told me he was coming. I don't have time to talk to him today. I don't
have time to breath today. I tell you, that he is up to something. Why else would he travel two
hundred miles without bringing my mum.
Jason: Hey Maggie, this is your mother we are talking about.
Maggie: Jason, my mum does not get on my dad's nerves. He stopped listening to her years
ago.
Jason: Well what do you think he's up to then?
Maggie: Oh I don't know, but somehow I know I am going to end up feeling guilty and then
I'm going to take it out on you.
Jason: I'll be working late tonight.

Ed: Oh, nobody makes blueberry pancakes like you do Margaret.
Maggie: oh those aren't blueberry pancakes.
Ed: Oh.
Jason: Oh, that was good. Very funny Ed. And such a good example for the little one.
Mike: Hey every body. What's so funny?
Ed: Mikey!
Mike: Hey Grandpa Ed!
Ed: How's the famous actor.
Mike: Good.
Ed: Have you done any love scenes with that Michelle Piefer yet?
Jason: Her name is Pfeiffer, Michelle Pfeiffer.
Mike: Why did nobody tell me that grandpa was coming over?
Maggie: None of us knew.
Ed: Ah, that's ridiculous. I phones yesterday. I wouldn't barge² on in without called.
Jason: Come on Ed. You always barge on in without calling.
Ed: The hell I do. I left a message with Bennie, just like I always do.
Maggie: Always do!
Ed: Yeah.
Jason: So all these years you haven't been barging in?
Ed: I should say not.
Ben: Didn't I tell you guys?
Jason and Maggie: No.
Carol: Great. And after all those stupid messages we've taken for you. So, what else have you
forgotten to tell us?
Ben: Um, Mike, Julie called. She said the wedding's off.
Maggie: Dad, you still haven't answered my question. Why are you here?
Ed: No reason. Just a spur of the moment visit. I thought maybe we could sit around all day
and talk. You know, chew the fat and see what sticks to the wall.
Maggie: No wonder mum stayed at home.
Ed: What can we do first?
Maggie: I'm sorry dad, but you just picked a very bad day.
Ed: Well I thought maybe we could all go out for malts, hu?
Maggie: Oh dad, I've got this PTA thing and these two articles that are due next Friday and I
haven't even started them yet.
Ed: Say are you still crazy about hopscotch³.
Maggie: Dad, dad, I can't. Are you listening? I really can't.
Ed: Alright. Go on. Don't trouble yourself over me. Go on about your business. Forget that I
am here. Forget that I flew two hundred miles. Forget that I took a cab. Forget that I brought
you into this world; put a roof over your head for eighteen miserable⁵ years.
Chrissy: You left out the part about carrying her six miles to the hospital when she fractured
he tibia.
Ed: Right. In the snowstorm.
Chrissy: With the three foot drifts.
Ed: Without any shoes on.
Maggie: Thank you Chrissy.
Chrissy: With a wild pack of wolves chasing you.

Ed: Playschool hu?
Maggie: Ah hu.
Ed: I guess having your kids raised by strangers beats having them raised by their own flesh
and blood mothers, hu?
Maggie: Daddy! Never mind.
Ed: That teacher there looked mighty⁶ young to me. Could they find somebody your age?
Maggie: Thanks dad. Dad look, I'm sorry this day is going to be so hectic⁷; I just got to...Dad!
Dad, the car's over here.
Ed: Come sit down Margaret Catherine and enjoy this crummy day.
Maggie: Dad, I've got to get to the bank and I have this PTA thing and I still have those
articles to start.
Ed: You see that handsome young man over there with the bushy hair?
Maggie: Dad, are you listening?
Ed: The one pushing his daughter on the swing.
Maggie: Dad, I might as well give up.
Ed: Yep. Now say, does he remind you of anyone?
Maggie: No.
Ed: Someone you car about very much.
Maggie: No.
Ed: Someone you are very close to.
Maggie: No.
Ed: Someone you are very close to right now.
Maggie: Daddy, I do not have time for a guessing game.
Ed: Well then let me give you a hint. He is the spitting image of me when you were that age.
Maggie: Daddy, you never had bushy hair. You never had hair.
Ed: Damn it Maggie. Can't we have one stinking⁸ tender moment here?
Maggie: Ok. You had hair.
Ed: I'm not talking about the hair; I'm talking about the big red swing I used to push you on
in the backyard. Remember?
Maggie: Daddy, we never had a red swing in the backyard.
Ed: Ok, it was a crummy swing in the park, where all the gangs used to hold their knife fights.
Maggie: Well then why didn't you say so?
Ed: It was a memory. I was trying to make it nicer.
Maggie: Daddy, is something wrong?
Ed: Well we were supposed to be knee deep in nostalgia⁹ at this point. How was I to know that
you were going to be so rude?
Maggie: I'm being rude! Dad, who is the one who walked into the others bedroom when she
was lying with her husband?
Ed: Fishing.
Maggie: What?
Ed: Fishing would do wonders for those creases¹⁰ in your forehead.
Maggie: I do not have creases in my forehead. I mean, maybe a fine line or two, but definitely
not ...forget it. What about fishing?
Ed: Fine, shout at me when I have just invited you to go on a fishing trip.
Maggie: Dad, you didn't invite me to go on a fishing trip.
Ed: Of course I did. Why else would I bring up that fishing trip we took when you were six
years old? And drowned all my night crawlers.
Maggie: Daddy, you did not bring it up.
Ed: Maggie, just when exactly did you stop listening to me?
Maggie: Daddy, you did not bring it up.
Ed: See, you've got me so confused. Talking to you is worse than talking to your mother. I
don't know hwy I put up with either one of you.
Maggie: If either one of us is not making sense around here right now, it's you. Now you come
here, you expect us to drop everything and roll out the red carpet. You don't have a care ion
the world. You're retired¹¹.
Ed: I'm dying!
Maggie: To do what?
Ed: No, that's what I flew two hundred miles to tell you. I'm dying.
Maggie: What?
Ed: Just forget about it. You're busy.

Jason: Doctor Riley please. Doctor Seaver calling long distance. Yes thank you. I'll hold.
Carol: Chrissy, tap your queen.
Ed: Feeling good. Feeling ready. Still dancing.
Maggie: Look at him. He is totally oblivious¹² to the worry he has caused me.
Jason: Yeah, doctor Riley. I'm Jason Seaver, I'm Ed Malone's son in law and we are a little
concerned about him. Uh hu.
Maggie: I got it. I got it. That is not a doctor. That number he gave us is just one of dad's
Crony's and this is just one big practical joke.
Maggie: Ha ha. Very funny, laugh till you sober up you bum¹³.
Jason: Please, no, please go on.
Maggie: Why would he do that?
Jason: A full blood panel.
Maggie: And why isn't mum with him?
Jason: Cardiomeopathy.
Maggie: Why would he take a plane and a cab? He's cheaper than Jason.
Jason: No, thank you for being so candid¹⁴ with us. Bye. Honey um...
Maggie: He's dying?
Jason: I wish I could say something here.
Maggie: Oh no. no, there must be some mistake. He looks so healthy. We just need to get a
second opinion. We just...
Jason: Doctor Riley was the second opinion.
Maggie: He was?
Jason: Yes, see cardiomeopathy is a viral infection. It affects the heart muscles and at first it
is a mild angina. Then it develops into degeneration...
Maggie: I'll lose my daddy.
Jason: Sorry honey, I heard the doctor talk...
Maggie: Oh Jason I don't know what to do.
Jason: Well honey, what do you think he wants?
Maggie: What do you mean?
Jason: Well he's come all this way. It's for more than just to break the news to you honey.
There's something on his mind. What do you think it is?
Maggie: You know what? I don't really know my father well enough to guess.

Ed: I won two out of three. Well I guess you did find time in your busy schedule for me, hu?
Maggie: Daddy, I'm sorry.
Ed: Well, that's what I get for raising a woman's libber.
Maggie: Dad. I don't want to go for a walk.
Ed: It's a cold night.
Maggie: Oh dad, oh dad.
Ed: Hey, hey hey. I don't need any tears. Ok.
Maggie: What can I do for you dad?
Ed: Do for me!
Maggie: Whatever you want you got it.
Ed: Honey, I'm...Oh, uh, that the will and other important papers, you got to know they are in
that big shoe box in the hall closet right behind my fishing tackle.
Maggie: Uh hu.
Ed: And uh, I've made the funeral arrangements with Flaherty and Son mortuary. Be sure to
ask for Flaherty senior, because Flaherty Junior is an idiot.
Maggie: Daddy, do we really have to deal with all this now?
Ed: This is important. It's about my police death benefits. I've asked for monthly payments,
and don't let the woman who runs the office tell you any different. She's the big read head
with all the warts¹⁵.
Maggie: Daddy, did you really come all this way to tell me about a red headed woman with
warts?
Ed: Listen, if this is going to be too much for you to handle, I can take care of the whole thing
myself, from beyond the grave.
Maggie: Daddy, I didn't mean....How's mum taking this?
Ed: Oh she's fine.
Maggie: How could she be fine with you...
Ed: Oh, the will. What was it about the will? The attorney that made out the will doesn't
practice anymore. He's writing for Saturday night live. Burt his partner is still there. But he
aint funny at all. Now I guess that's it.
Maggie: That is what you came here to tell me? One napkins worth!
Ed: Honey, I'm s... There is something that you don't know about me Margaret Catherine. It's a
deep dark secret. I've kept it way down deep inside of me all these many years. Ever since the
day of your birth.
Maggie: What daddy?
Ed: that night at Kelsey's bar when we got the phone call to say that all this birthing business
was fine and that your mother was conscious and that you were fine...I made an oath to
myself, right there and then, that I would never let you know, I, well I....
Maggie: Wanted a son.
Ed: You know?
Maggie: Until I was in my teens you used to smoke those cigars with "It's a boy" on the rings.
Ed: They were good cigars. I could just throw them away.
Maggie: You set my first doll on fire.
Ed: Hey well that was an accident. Chatty Cathy should have kept her mouth closed around
my welding equipment.
Maggie: You had me try out for little league.

Ed: But then I always let you wear make up when you got an extra base.
Maggie: You bought me a jock.
Ed: I didn't want you to feel any different from the other guys.
Maggie: Oh daddy, this isn't exactly news to me. Is this really what you came here to tell me?
Ed: Fine, deny a dying man his final apology.
Maggie: Daddy, I always knew you wanted a son, but I also knew that you loved me. So much
that it probably surprised you.
Ed: Oh that it did.
Maggie: I saw you cry at my wedding.
Ed: You did?
Maggie: Yep.
Ed: Well that was probably because of the guy who you were marrying.
Maggie: I don't believe you.
Ed: Good.
Maggie: What can I do for you dad?
Ed: Well, I, I, I told you about the insurance. The, the, the, the, arrangements.
Maggie: Daddy please.
Ed: Good honey, I'm scared.
Maggie: It's just not fair.
Ed: Fair! Fair! You want to talk fair? You know that Charlie McGill who is three years older than
me? He drinks a quarter scotch⁴ a day. And that Jonnie Buggliosi, he's had so much surgery
that he eats out of his armpit. He's still out there on the golf course making easy money out of
those puts of his. For the past ten years I've avoided red meat, cholesterol¹⁷, nitrate, salt and
every other damn thing your mother could read about in the Readers Digest. Iron Joe's
stomach, Iron Joes intestines¹⁸, Iron Joes colon¹⁹. I know more about Iron Joe than any stinking
proctologist.
Maggie: You are right dad. It's not fair.
Ed: And it all goes by so fast. Oh I'm sorry that I never saw you in your grade school
Christmas Pageant²⁰.
Maggie: Which one?
Ed: All of them. Because I had to work nights because it was over time and we needed the
money.
Maggie: Oh dad, dad, you don't have to explain.
Ed: Oh thanks.
Maggie: Is mum really ok with all this?
Ed: Are you kidding. Your mother doesn't know anything about this.
Maggie: Dad, you said you told her.
Ed: No, I said she was fine. And she is fine because she doesn't know anything.
Maggie: But dad, she has to be told.
Ed: I know.
Maggie: She has a right to know.
Ed: Let me explain something to you. A real man doesn't burden his wife with his worries and
his doubts. His job is to keep his marriage glistening²¹ no matter how he has to suffer in silence.
Maggie: So mum's not supposed to know that you have a vulnerable sensitive side. Hu?
Ed: That's been my goal.
Maggie: Daddy.
Ed: Look, I've taken care of my Kate for forty seven years. She relies on me for strength. If
she knows I'm afraid now, what's there left for her?
Maggie: Dad, you can't keep this all to yourself.
Ed: I'm here aren't I?
Maggie: Oh yeah.
Ed: You know another strange thing. I thought when my day came, I'd be able to be ready to
die. But when that doctor gave me the news, I felt younger and healthier than I've ever felt in
my life. Now what's the sense of all of that?
Maggie: I know daddy.
Ed: When I was a young man, I used to think that old people had all the answers.
Maggie: I thought you had all the answers all along.
Ed: No, I was just faking it. Our secret.
Maggie: Our secret. Mum's got to be told dad.
Ed: I know. I know. But I needed to talk to you first.
Maggie: Needed?
Ed: You don't think any less of me do you?
Maggie: Oh no daddy. I am so proud to be your son.

Maggie: Oh Ben, these will do just fine.
(Phone rings)
Jason: I'll get it.
Ben: They're yours.
Maggie: Oh I only need them for a couple of days.
Ben: I don't want them back. I don't use them anymore since they got bug¹⁶ infested²².
Chrissy: I still don't get it. Why can't I go fishing with you and grandpa?
Maggie: Oh honey, it's just a chance for grandpa and me to talk.
Chrissy: I won't say a word. I'll just sit there and look cute.
Maggie: Oh sweetheart, do you remember last month when daddy took you ice skating and
you didn't want anybody else to go because you didn't want to share him?
Chrissy: What's your point?
Maggie: Well grandpa is my daddy.
Chrissy: And that's why last night I couldn't ride along when you dropped gran back at the airport.
Maggie: That's right.
Chrissy: Is this a trend?
Maggie: No sweetheart. Hey, how do I look? What is it?
Jason: It's your dad. He died about an hour ago.
Maggie: No. No, I just called him this morning to see if he had a safe flight.
Jason: Doctor said he went quickly and there was no pain.
Maggie: No, no! He just invited me on this fishing trip. No! No, we were going to pick up
where we left off. (Crying) Oh Jason.
Jason: I'm sorry.
Maggie: Oh Jason. I got to call mum.

(Flashback)
Maggie: Higher daddy. Higher.
Ed: You got three hits today my darling. I'm so proud of you.
Maggie: So I can where lipstick²³ again?
Ed: Yeah, but not to practice.
Maggie: Why not?

1 bucks   

n.雄鹿( buck的名词复数 )；钱；（英国十九世纪初的）花花公子；（用于某些表达方式）责任v.（马等）猛然弓背跃起( buck的第三人称单数 )；抵制；猛然震荡；马等尥起后蹄跳跃

参考例句：

• They cost ten bucks. 这些值十元钱。
• They are hunting for bucks. 他们正在猎雄兔。 来自《简明英汉词典》

2 barge   

n.平底载货船，驳船

参考例句：

• The barge was loaded up with coal.那艘驳船装上了煤。
• Carrying goods by train costs nearly three times more than carrying them by barge.通过铁路运货的成本比驳船运货成本高出近3倍。

3 hopscotch   

n.小孩独脚跳踢石子的游戏，“跳房子”游戏

参考例句：

• The children squared off the sidewalk to play hopscotch.孩子们在人行道上划出方格，做“跳房子”的游戏。
• At hopscotch,the best hoppers are the children.在跳房子的游戏中，孩子是最优秀的单足跳者。

4 scotch   

n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的

参考例句：

• Facts will eventually scotch these rumours.这种谣言在事实面前将不攻自破。
• Italy was full of fine views and virtually empty of Scotch whiskey.意大利多的是美景，真正缺的是苏格兰威士忌。

5 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

6 mighty   

adj.强有力的；巨大的

参考例句：

• A mighty force was about to break loose.一股巨大的力量即将迸发而出。
• The mighty iceberg came into view.巨大的冰山出现在眼前。

7 hectic   

adj.肺病的；消耗热的；发热的；闹哄哄的

参考例句：

• I spent a very hectic Sunday.我度过了一个忙乱的星期天。
• The two days we spent there were enjoyable but hectic.我们在那里度过的两天愉快但闹哄哄的。

8 stinking   

adj.臭的，烂醉的，讨厌的v.散发出恶臭( stink的现在分词 )；发臭味；名声臭；糟透

参考例句：

• I was pushed into a filthy, stinking room. 我被推进一间又脏又臭的屋子里。
• Those lousy, stinking ships. It was them that destroyed us. 是的！就是那些该死的蠢猪似的臭飞船！是它们毁了我们。 来自英汉非文学 - 科幻

9 nostalgia   

n.怀乡病，留恋过去，怀旧

参考例句：

• He might be influenced by nostalgia for his happy youth.也许是对年轻时幸福时光的怀恋影响了他。
• I was filled with nostalgia by hearing my favourite old song.我听到这首喜爱的旧歌，心中充满了怀旧之情。

10 creases   

（使…）起折痕，弄皱( crease的第三人称单数 )； （皮肤）皱起，使起皱纹

参考例句：

• She smoothed the creases out of her skirt. 她把裙子上的皱褶弄平。
• She ironed out all the creases in the shirt. 她熨平了衬衣上的所有皱褶。

11 retired   

adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的

参考例句：

• The old man retired to the country for rest.这位老人下乡休息去了。
• Many retired people take up gardening as a hobby.许多退休的人都以从事园艺为嗜好。

12 oblivious   

adj.易忘的，遗忘的，忘却的，健忘的

参考例句：

• Mother has become quite oblivious after the illness.这次病后，妈妈变得特别健忘。
• He was quite oblivious of the danger.他完全没有察觉到危险。

13 bum   

n.臀部；流浪汉，乞丐；vt.乞求，乞讨

参考例句：

• A man pinched her bum on the train so she hit him.在火车上有人捏她屁股，她打了那人。
• The penniless man had to bum a ride home.那个身无分文的人只好乞求搭车回家。

14 candid   

adj.公正的，正直的；坦率的

参考例句：

• I cannot but hope the candid reader will give some allowance for it.我只有希望公正的读者多少包涵一些。
• He is quite candid with his friends.他对朋友相当坦诚。

15 warts   

n.疣( wart的名词复数 )；肉赘；树瘤；缺点

参考例句：

• You agreed to marry me, warts and all! 是你同意和我结婚的，我又没掩饰缺陷。 来自辞典例句
• Talk about trying to cure warts with spunk-water such a blame fool way as that! 用那样糊涂蛋的方法还谈什么仙水治疣子！ 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险

16 bug   

n.虫子；故障；窃听器；vt.纠缠；装窃听器

参考例句：

• There is a bug in the system.系统出了故障。
• The bird caught a bug on the fly.那鸟在飞行中捉住了一只昆虫。

17 cholesterol   

n.（U）胆固醇

参考例句：

• There is cholesterol in the cell of body.人体细胞里有胆固醇。
• They are determining the serum-protein and cholesterol levels.他们正在测定血清蛋白和胆固醇的浓度。

18 intestines   

n.肠( intestine的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Perhaps the most serious problems occur in the stomach and intestines. 最严重的问题或许出现在胃和肠里。 来自辞典例句
• The traps of carnivorous plants function a little like the stomachs and small intestines of animals. 食肉植物的捕蝇器起着动物的胃和小肠的作用。 来自辞典例句

19 colon   

n.冒号，结肠，直肠

参考例句：

• Here,too,the colon must be followed by a dash.这里也是一样，应当在冒号后加破折号。
• The colon is the locus of a large concentration of bacteria.结肠是大浓度的细菌所在地。

20 pageant   

n.壮观的游行；露天历史剧

参考例句：

• Our pageant represented scenes from history.我们的露天历史剧上演一幕幕的历史事件。
• The inauguration ceremony of the new President was a splendid pageant.新主席的就职典礼的开始是极其壮观的。

21 glistening   

adj.闪耀的，反光的v.湿物闪耀，闪亮( glisten的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Her eyes were glistening with tears. 她眼里闪着晶莹的泪花。
• Her eyes were glistening with tears. 她眼睛中的泪水闪着柔和的光。 来自《用法词典》

22 infested   

adj.为患的，大批滋生的（常与with搭配）v.害虫、野兽大批出没于( infest的过去式和过去分词 )；遍布于

参考例句：

• The kitchen was infested with ants. 厨房里到处是蚂蚁。
• The apartments were infested with rats and roaches. 公寓里面到处都是老鼠和蟑螂。

23 lipstick   

n.口红，唇膏

参考例句：

• Taking out her lipstick,she began to paint her lips.她拿出口红，开始往嘴唇上抹。
• Lipstick and hair conditioner are cosmetics.口红和护发素都是化妆品。